Monday, December 19, 2011

Keeping it "Real", NOT Another Hood Story!

This week's year-ending blog was inspired by a WashPo article published last week and can be read here.  See you all in 2012!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

This story does not take place in Southside Queens, NY or in South Philly, Brick City (Newark) for that matter, hell, it does not even take place in Compton.  Ever heard of Farmville, Virginia, birthplace of the Lady of Rage ("Afro Puffs")?  If your face is tight trying to figure out where Farmville is and who the Lady of Rage (the only famous person of note to come out of Farmville) could be, well you are just like many other people so do not feel bad.

The star of this story is a young, black quarterback named Charles Williams that now attends Fuqua School.  Fuqua School is private and was part of a dozen or so private schools that popped in places like Farmville back in the 50s and 60s that only catered to white students.  Farmville, population 8,200, sits in Prince Edward County and was one of the last counties to comply with the Brown v. Board of Education that desegrated schools.  There was so much resistance, instead of desegregating, they shut down their public schools from '59 to '64.  It is well known that the Prince Edward School System was one of the last school systems to give up the fight.  Fuqua, originally named Prince Edward Academy, was founded in 1959 for whites only and was actually subsidized by tax dollars.  Unreal how this was a little over 50 years ago!

Fast forward and although Farmville has Black residents, they all live in a certain area of the town and they all go to the same schools while the White residents live on the other side and go to the 'white school.'  Fuqua did not accept its first Black student until the late 80s and the number of Blacks at any given time always remained under 5.  Fuqua's President, Ruth Murphy, wanted to "diversify" her school and needed a way to change its image as being seen as anything but a racist school.  She had to ask, "How do you diversify an institution founded to perpetuate segregation?"  The answer would be a "black leader who is comfortable in two worlds;" the answer came in the form of a 14-year old named Charles Williams.

Charles is a big strong kid with a 'maturity' and 'intensity' that made Murphy a little uneasy; she once commented and later recanted this statement: "...he looked like a 25-year old drug dealer."  I feel like there exists a book with precise decriptions of what a "drug dealer" looks like depending upon his age and this book is for whites only....sheesh!!!  But I digress...

Murphy offered Charles a full minority scholarship (worth $7300/year) to Fuqua but he would have one condition: promote Fuqua among the Farmville Black residents.  Charles accepted the scholarship and although he would be obtaining a better education he would do so at the cost of family and friends no longer supporting him on and off the field.  He lost all of his friends!

Fast forward even further and Charles in now 17, captain of the playoff bound Fuqua football team, and known by many as the best athlete in the school's history.  In three years, he has helped triple the amount of students at Fuqua to 15 out of 420 students.  Still prejudices linger as he walks across school campus and sees words like "coonhunter" and "white power" spray painted but Charles has never forgotten who he is and where he comes from.

This story reminds me of some people I know, well actually, the MAJORITY of the people I know who are Black and had to be the first to do something or had to endure the hurt and pain of a racist past in what is supposed to be a "diverse" today.  Our parents endured this tragedy first hand and will be the first to be dead set against attending "their schools."  I remember coming home from college after my freshman year at Virginia Tech and my Dad casually saying that integration was the worse thing to happen to Blacks because we lost our sense of identity.  I did not understand him then but I understand him now but that is a whole other blog, I digress.

I went to a majority white high school and I was the only Black male in my honors and AP classes consistently while being one of two black players on a 15-man roster basketball team.  My teachers pushed me to form a mentoring group, called Reflections, that concentrated on students with low self-esteem.  They felt I was the best candidate to talk to other students about something that plagues all students regardless of color. 

While being an honor student and all-city basketball player, I was pulled over almost 40 times by Richmond's Finest in a year span my senior year in high school and NEVER received a ticket.  I learned what "driving while black, aka DWB" meant first hand!!  I also remember one night me and a friend of mine coming of a Blockbuster Videa and being stopped by two officers who said we "fit the description" of two burglars who just robbed a house across the street.  They made us assume the position against the wall, they patted us down, and then took our mugshots on the spot while people were walking in and out of the videostore.  I gave advice on self-esteem, after that episode, I needed somebody to give me some advice!  I also learned what description I fit and it consistently was BLACK!

I laugh silently to myself when asked on a job interview, "what are some of th biggest challenges you have encountered?"  I want to say, "applying for bank loans, picking up my wallet without being shot at, drive down the street in a nice car without being pulled over..." but I do not because what I don't want is sympathy or pity.  I know who I am and what I am.

I just want to give kudos to men like Charles Williams and the countless others who have done this sort of thing since day one.  A lot of us live in two worlds and we do this effortlessly, like breathing. They took a big step for men and stood in the face of adversity to achieve something greater than themselves.  If you read this story to a Black man in this day in age, he will not be surprised; he would shrug his shoulders and say "welcome to our world."  The only thing that is suprising is that it has taken the rest of the world this long to recognize this middle-class, Black male struggle. 

This story will probably never become a movie or TV Show because there is not enough violence like the movie "Menace to Society"  and it will not make you laugh like "Kings of Comedy."  It is a story that may never get heard but it is living everyday.

Today, we have a Black President, something I never really thought I would see in my lifetime.  There are very few counties, cities, municipalities like Farmville that exists anymore and I can probably go out on a limb and say there are not any segregated schools.  The real question, are there still segregated minds?  Is racism totally gone? 

Some will say yes, some will vehemently say no.  I do not really know, I just try to represent who I am to the best that I can be.  But I will say this, if you ever read an online article and it has something to do with somebody Black, scroll to the end and read the comment section.  Let's just say I am glad I am thick-skinned!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Male Renovations - Female Landscaping

Happy Holidays everyone!!!

These past couple of weeks I have been throwing jabs to both men and women and how we can do better so this week I thought, "let's keep it light, funny, but address a serious matter!"  Ironically, this issue is something that both men and women need to take a look at because we are ALL guilty.  I am not going to speak from an "expert" standpoint because no one has ever really sat me down and said to me how to do this and when to do this and I am sure I am not the only male in my position.

The issue I am referring to is the "grooming" of the "downstairs" departments.  How, when, and with what should men renovate and what are the rules as far as female landscaping??

From a male perspective, especially from a young age, "population growth" was seen as part of your Rite of Passage into manhood.  It is akin to finally growing a mustache or beard or both.  "I AM MAN, HERE ME ROAR" type of thing.  Talk to a grown man who has to shave everything down there because of surgery; he feels naked, it looks weird, it is just not a good situation.  So to even suggest that we "trim" or "renovate" that area will get you minimum a "you are crazy" look to maybe getting cussed out. 

But there is some good news; as I have stated before, women control everything.  If your man is used to you giving him "special attention" and you stop because you feel he needs to renovate, if your "special attention" is on the money, HE WILL RENOVATE!  Now, ladies, he may need some help in that department.  They did not teach us how to do such things in Physical Education class in high school.  And personally, I would like some expert opinion before I go downstairs with anything that can cut!!!!

Now ladies, you are not off the hook because some of you have redefined the term "Busch Gardens!"  I do not know the rules for the ladies so please enlighten but I know I do not want to have to go grab the lawn mower when I want to provide some "special attention."  I have heard some serious horror stories but I will not divulge them but this is a problem!!! 

So Ladies and Gentleman, SPEAK OUT!!!!!

Monday, December 5, 2011

For Sisters Only...

About 3-4 weeks back, "For Sisters Only" Fair and Expo was back in DC for another year at the DC Convention Center.  It's for women only but men are definitely welcome (or at least I make myself welcome) and they have food, live entertainment (national artists) performing Hip Hop and R&B, vendors, and panel discussions. 

Some of the vendors represented different "areas" that the majority of women focus on or deal with in their day-to-day activities: fashion, hair and makeup, health, finance, literature, and relationships.  I have attended this Expo for years and I never did take notice of something that sparked this blog; vendors that would fall under the category of "hair & makeup" and/or "fashion" were overwhelmingly crowded while the vendors dealing with personal finance and health probably did not see a visitor the whole day.  It was like they were invisible!!!

Then I started thinking, which could be dangerous, as a society, even as a culture, do we care that much about how we look?  Growing up I used to hear all types of stereotypes about Black people and one that particularly sticks out is how a "Black person will always look good despite not having a single cent in their bank account."  Is this true?  If I were to use "For Sisters Only" as a testing area for this stereotype, there would not be much argument to dispute this steroetype.

Even more compelling is the fact that these same women, who spend the majority of their time and money on how they look, are the same women who want a man to do more than just play PS3 and concentrate more on the family structure.  You want men to do more, care more but as a woman, what are you doing to advance yourself and grow? What are you doing to motivate your male counterpart to do what you want him to do, what he needs to do?  If you, the woman, are taking the initiative to care more about your personal finance and health, well then why should the man?

YOU HAVE TO BECOME THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE!!!! 

This maybe a man's world but WOMEN run it.  Men know that (we will never admit to it) and as soon as EVERY woman realizes it, you will see the changes you demand but you CANNOT ask to change when you refuse to change yourself.

I am not asking for any woman to ever stop caring about how she looks, do not ever stop caring!! But what I am asking for is balance and compromise.  If you, my lady, not put so much money into that weave every month, I will cut back on the PS3 and the money that we save, we can put into an account for whatever we want it to be. 

I have recently discovered the joys of a pedicure, CLAWD HAVE MERCY, and now I will keep going but why not go with the one you love.  Ladies, you complain about your man's crusty feet, FIX THEM!! Take him with you when you go get your mani/pedi so he can see why they are important; he can get a pedi and you are now spending time with each other. 

As a family, go see the doctor and ladies, drag that man of yours with you.  Most men do not like going to see the doctor because "WE ARE MEN" and we are wired and taught to "tough" it out.  Well, I do not know a man who has yet "toughed" out prostate cancer or any other cancer for that matter!! 

We are a product of how we spend our money and where we spend it.  Our environments, our communities are built and dictated by how we spend our money.  Ever notice why there are so many shoe stores and weave shops in "our" neighborhoods?  The same reason why CitiBank is not!!! One is profitable and one is not.  Money talks...

Monday, November 28, 2011

Special Turkey Edition - Top 12 Reasons Why Good Men Are Single

I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving and since your belly's are stuffed with turkey and ham, I decided to go ahead and start some trouble today!!!  I found an article that listed the "Top 12 Reasons Why Good Black Men Are Single" but I decided to take out "Black" because I believe this issue is really colorless at this point and these reasons apply to all.  Read, Enjoy, and of course comment!!!!


1. They keep meeting women with unrealistic expectations for what they want in a man.
2. They keep meeting women who put them in the wrong category by writing them off too quickly as not being "their type".
3. They're not wanted because they're not needed. Too many women have told them that they don't "need" a man.
4. They keep meeting women who don't respect them just because they "are" men.
5. They keep failing women's Girlfriend Approval Test. If the woman's friends don't like them, then that woman won't give them a chance either.
6. They keep meeting women who are not interested in them, but only in how much money they make.
7. They're nobody until somebody else loves them. Not enough women see them as a prize unless they see a lot of other women chasing after them first.
8. They meet too many women who don't really know what they want.
9. They meet too many women who believe that single, good men are "too good to be true".
10. The RIGHT man at the WRONG time.

11. They meet too many women who don't recognize a good man when they see one.
12. They don't promote all the great things about themselves boldly or consistently enough to enough women

Monday, November 21, 2011

Art Imitating Life - The Softness of a Man

You gotta love these commercials these days, I mean I have explained and listed numerous things to suggest when a man is not being a man.  But those Miller Lite commercials are taken Man Code to places I never thought I would ever have to "explain."  The funniest of those commercials, I will title it "The Bathroom," actually shows a man asking his friends to go to the bathroom with him.  Or how about the McDonald's commercial where the newlywed couple are about to board the plane until the husband finds out the McRib is out and he wants to delay the honeymoon. 

These commercials maybe an exaggeration, an embellishment of the truth, but there is some truth to this.  There is truth to the fact that there is an identity crisis that have left men wondering if they really are men.  Just this past Fall alone, six new TV Shows came out focusing on the role man plays with the family and society.  The titles of the some of these shows: "How To Be A Gentleman", "Last Man Standing", and "Man Up."

CNN did a second article about the declining roles men have at home and in the workforce.  Here is an excerpt from that article:

"In developed Western countries, man has unprecedented freedom to chose, to a degree heretofore unknown, a life of his own wanting and design. A mere hundred years ago, man couldn't afford to dawdle in limbo between adolescence and manhood; manhood was thrust upon him for survival. Today, more opportunity lies at his feet than ever. Yet with this increased opportunity comes increased confusion, and the response on the part of some men has not been encouraging.

Take the Occupy Wall Street movement, for instance. While diverse and scattered, some of the mottos and slogans on display are in stark contrast to the traditional and time-tested ideas of manliness. Instead of industriousness, responsibility and entrepreneurship, these men demand free college education, required living wages and greater distribution of someone else's wealth. Rather than look inward and rely on their own self-sufficiency, they look for a handout. A man's livelihood once depended on his hands, back and brain. Today, the government can do all that for him, if he lets it."

I never thought I said the day where a man would have to ask the question:

"How does one be a man today?"

Am I over-reacting and maybe over-thinking this too much? Should I just accept the fact that the role of the man in society is changing and evolving?

Entertainment has a way of becoming real in many different forms.  The old saying "Art Imitating Life" is not really complete.  Based on the powerful phenomenon called Hip Hop, for example, the saying really should be "Art Imitating Life Imitating Art."  It is not uncommon for Joe out in Montana to really believe women on the Real Housewives of Whatever act like that day to day.  It is not uncommon for a young boy to pick up a Lil Wayne tape and really believe in order to become a great rapper he has to abuse substances and smoke a ton of weed.

I hope it does not become commonplace for a young man to ask his friends to accompany him to the restroom or grown men to think it is okay to postpone important moments in the life of a marriage because of the release of a fast food sandwich....I can only hope!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Scarred Justice

I was hit by a drunk driver 3 years ago in Washington DC, actually it was 3 years to the day on November 8.  I remember driving and then I just remember waking up in the hospital.  I did not feel a thing! After minor nose surgery, which might as well been cosmetic surgery because my nose had already been broken 3 different times, I was released from the hospital with a repaired nose and some scars.

When I get up in the morning and look in the mirror, I am reminded everyday of that accident; it lives within the scars right next to lips and right under my nose.  I try to disguise them with my five o'clock shadow but I know they are there.  I decided to get a tattoo on my shoulder of a Cross with the word "Blessed" on it because that is precisely what I am!  But those scars are never going anywhere.

I read the 23-page grand jury report regarding the scandal that has literally rocked the nation at Penn State University where an ex-coach, defensive coordinator for the nittany lions, has been accused of multiple accounts of child molestation among other things. In the wake of this scandal, Joe Paterno, legendary long-time football coach,  has been fired from his coaching post at Penn State after 61 years of dedicated service.  The university felt the public outcry was so strong against Paterno, the Board of Trustees for Penn State fired him. 

As this case has evolved and more information keeps coming to the surface, it is a fair to say that the worse has yet to come.  For example, it has been rumored that Sandusky was not only molesting these children through his foundation, but also "selling" them to rich donors to be molested also.  I would like to go on record and say that I think Sandusky should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and the other thoughts I have about what should be done to him I will have to keep to myself because they are too graphic for a blog!

I want justice for these kids and I want Penn State to start paying for their healing process to start immediately. Regardless of the breakdown in the system and how this could even occcur, Penn State needs to move swiftly to make sure the victims are financially secure and stable to start the process of healing from this horrific incident. 

BUT, and there is a but....

I do think that they moved too fast firing Joe Paterno and this may go against public opinion but that is precisely why he should not have been fired.  During this whole scandal, I think our system of justice has been lost among the strong emotions attached to such nasty crimes.  I get it, I do.  Joe Paterno was fired because public outcry and politics demanded someone take the fall for this immediately and JoePa's head was put to the gauntlet.  He was fired because the public felt as though he had a moral obligation to call the police himself when he found out that his old colleague was molesting children under the Penn State flag.  Morally, it can be argued that he should have called the police. 

But JoePa did report the crime up his chain of command in the hierarchy structure at Penn State.  He followed protocol, he followed the rules laid out by Penn State.  This has nothing to do with the moral aspect but what he was obligated to do professionally.  And from that standpoint, he did was he was supposed to do.

So we have a dilemna, PROFESSIONAL OBLIGATION vs MORAL OBLIGATION.  When is one applied and not the other? Does one trump the other? Is there one that should always and consistently be applied and another that should be applied based on a judgement call?

Here is another angle to look at this and this is why I think JoePa, just like Sandusky, should have their day in court.  JoePa is a Father of five and dedicated 61 years to Penn State coaching kids and he did it without one scandal, he is at least owed a chance to tell his side of the story; he should be allowed his day in court.  But I have some questions:

JoePa is a Father and long time coach and if you ask anybody about his character, he makes Honest Abe Lincoln look like Pinnochio; why did he not call the police?

Why didn't JoePa follow-up with the investigation?

Why didn't the people whom JoePa reported the crime to call the police?

Penn State acted prematurely because of the heinous account of the crimes committed and that is understandable but you only get one chance to get this right.  There are two crimes that follow a person wherever they go like the scars on my face: Rapist and Child Molestor.  The "child sex offender" label is something you carry around for the rest of your life and it is like the Scarlet Letter, everybody knows it.  Even worse than being a molestor is being known or knowing you did not do anything to stop it or prevent it from happening again.  You mine as well be the person doing the molesting. 

It is crucial to find out where the process broke down that made it impossible to protect these kids from this monster.  The system has broken down and it needs to be fixed but in order to do that, due process must be protected and utilized so that the proper people are punished for what they did OR did NOT do in the protection of those victims. 

Did JoePa not do enough? I do not have enough information (not even his side of the story) to make an accurate determination.  If it comes out that he could have done more, in my opinion he needs to get as much time if not more than Sandusky himself because he was complicit.  The other side of the coin may come out that JoePa did what he could based on the circumstances and his hands were tied. If that is the case, does he get his job back? Maybe, but regardless, his legacy will be tainted and his morals will always be put into question because no one stood up for due process.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Lucy, YOU Got Some 'Plainin To Do!

Last week caused quit a stir especially among the ladies.  If you did not get a chance to read the article I posted by CNN, please read.  I promised commentary would follow so here we go!!!

While riding to Norfolk State's Homecoming this past weekend, I was listening to Backspin and they played an old school favorite by a group called Ed O G and the Bulldogs called "Be a Father To Your Child," a Hip Hop Classic!!!  The lyrics to this song are right on time and before their time so please give it a listen.  After listening to this song, I thought about the article, I started thinking about my niece and nephew, I started thinking about my own parents, particularly my Father.  Was my Father the perfect Dad? No, but he was there and he showed me how to be a man...

Fast forward, while at the Homecoming, I am sitting around with a couple of my Fraternity Brothers (shout outs go to Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc) and some of them are married with kids.  The conversation revolved around kids and it was interesting listening to these gentlemen brag and talk about their sons and daughters.  They showed pictures, smiled hard when talking about their achievements, baby-sitting duties, lack of sleep, I mean the whole gambit.  Not one time did any of them even peep words of regret, anger, or frustration.  As a matter of fact, they missed their kids and could not wait to get back to them.  It was absolutely wonderful to listen to these men being in their children's lives but also wanting to be there for every step, for every moment and not miss a thing.

At one point, these same men were not married, they played video games and they were not in college.  As time passed, they grew up, went to school and obtained degrees, they found the love of their life and put rings on their fingers and they put the video games down to help raise their children.  Were they forced to do so, maybe, but they made the decision to be Fathers, to be Husbands, to be Men! I do not know when this changed and maybe the men that know better are not teaching the ones that do not but I do think both men and women could do something to change this sad state of affairs.

LADIES~

Ladies, I have said this time and time again, if you really want to see men change, you have to demand the change and be consistent, never waiver.  You can first start off by changing your language; women oftentimes say they want a "thug," but not really understanding what they are requesting.  What you want is a man that will make you feel secure when you are with him but what you are requesting is a man that does not care about his life, much less yours.  What you are asking for and what you want are two different things and you get what you ask for. 

Men are listening so when you request a "thug," guess what will start showing up around you.  Give you a hint, throw you a lifeline...you guessed it, THUGS!!! Let's go out on a limb here and just think for a second, what if women stopped wanting thugs and started requesting smart, educated men?  I am not saying you will see a total shift in the population of thugs applying for college but I can say that the population will decrease and present something different. 

Ladies, if you want a man to take care of his kids, demand it or do not allow him to see his kids.  And then you take him to court!!!!  You want a man to be educated, buy him a book, demand more from him than the High School Diploma.  If you want him to stop playing video games, stop buying him the PS2!

I am not saying it is going to be easy at all but women do have a certain power over men that if you used for good, could lead to the betterment of man.  And please do not say it is not your responsibility because if you want something, if you want someone, you are just as much part of the problem as well as the solution!

FELLAS~

It is simple: WE ARE FAILING OUR WOMEN!  For those of us that know better and are doing what you are suppose to be doing, it is now up to us to look at the man next to us who is not and pull him up and hold him accountable and responsible for what he should be doing.  We need to press upon the fact that it is NOT COOL to play games and ignore your wife and children; it is NOT COOL not to have a degree and to be a productive member of society. It is NOT COOL to not conduct yourself as the MAN you are suppose to be. 

We also have to start talking to the young boys, as soon as they can utter a word, and press upon them not only what a man is but also, HOW to be one.  But that would require us to spend time with them and not with the Wii.

I do not want to come off like I am preaching but that article did make my blood boil a little.  I did not necessarily take it personal but I know I could always do more.  If you have other solutions, SPEAK OUT!!!!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Umm, Larry, You Got Some 'Plainin To Do

I am going to do something that I have never done before but a good friend of mine sent me this article and it just had to be posted in its entirety.  After reading it, the worse part is, there is nothing in here I can honestly refute...PLEASE READ!!!

COMMENTARY ON THIS ARTICLE WILL CONTINUE NEXT WEEK!

For the first time in history, women are better educated, more ambitious and arguably more successful than men. Now, society has rightly celebrated the ascension of one sex. We said, "You go girl," and they went. We celebrate the ascension of women but what will we do about what appears to be the very real decline of the other sex? The data does not bode well for men. In 1970, men earned 60% of all college degrees. In 1980, the figure fell to 50%, by 2006 it was 43%. Women now surpass men in college degrees by almost three to two. Women's earnings grew 44% in real dollars from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6% growth for men.
William J. Bennett
William J. Bennett
In 1950, 5% of men at the prime working age were unemployed. As of last year, 20% were not working, the highest ever recorded. Men still maintain a majority of the highest paid and most powerful occupations, but women are catching them and will soon be passing them if this trend continues.
The warning signs for men stretch far beyond their wallets. Men are more distant from a family or their children then they have ever been. The out-of-wedlock birthrate is more than 40% in America. In 1960, only 11% of children in the U.S. lived apart from their fathers. In 2010, that share had risen to 27%. Men are also less religious than ever before. According to Gallup polling, 39% of men reported attending church regularly in 2010, compared to 47% of women.
If you don't believe the numbers, just ask young women about men today. You will find them talking about prolonged adolescence and men who refuse to grow up. I've heard too many young women asking, "Where are the decent single men?" There is a maturity deficit among men out there, and men are falling behind.
This decline in founding virtues -- work, marriage, and religion -- has caught the eye of social commentators from all corners. In her seminal article, "The End of Men," Hanna Rosin unearthed the unprecedented role reversal that is taking place today. "Man has been the dominant sex since, well, the dawn of mankind. But for the first time in human history, that is changing—and with shocking speed," writes Rosin. The changes in modern labor -- from backs to brains -- have catapulted women to the top of the work force, leaving men in their dust.
Hanna Rosin: Are women leaving men behind?
Man's response has been pathetic. Today, 18-to- 34-year-old men spend more time playing video games a day than 12-to- 17-year-old boys. While women are graduating college and finding good jobs, too many men are not going to work, not getting married and not raising families. Women are beginning to take the place of men in many ways. This has led some to ask: do we even need men?
So what's wrong? Increasingly, the messages to boys about what it means to be a man are confusing. The machismo of the street gang calls out with a swagger. Video games, television and music offer dubious lessons to boys who have been abandoned by their fathers. Some coaches and drill sergeants bark, "What kind of man are you?" but don't explain.
Movies are filled with stories of men who refuse to grow up and refuse to take responsibility in relationships. Men, some obsessed with sex, treat women as toys to be discarded when things get complicated. Through all these different and conflicting signals, our boys must decipher what it means to be a man, and for many of them it is harder to figure out.
For boys to become men, they need to be guided through advice, habit, instruction, example and correction. It is true in all ages. Someone once characterized the two essential questions Plato posed as: Who teaches the children, and what do we teach them? Each generation of men and women have an obligation to teach the younger males (and females of course) coming behind them. William Wordsworth said, "What we have loved, others will love, and we will teach them how." When they fail in that obligation, trouble surely follows.
We need to respond to this culture that sends confusing signals to young men, a culture that is agnostic about what it wants men to be, with a clear and achievable notion of manhood.
The Founding Fathers believed, and the evidence still shows, that industriousness, marriage and religion are a very important basis for male empowerment and achievement. We may need to say to a number of our twenty-something men, "Get off the video games five hours a day, get yourself together, get a challenging job and get married." It's time for men to man up.

Monday, October 17, 2011

NBA Lockout

It has been reported that if the NBA lockout forces the cancellation of the 2011-2012 season, according to Amare Stoudemire of the Knicks, NBA players will give a "serious" consideration to starting their own league. 

At first this sounds very farfetched but then again, is it really?  Of course there would be hurdles to overcome that include finding a source for player salaries, game venues, broadcast rights and player insurance.   Then I started thinking, if the players pooled their money together (a percentage so the smaller contracted athletes do not contribute the same amount as the richer athletes) and then went out and built strategic partnerships with people like Magic Johnson, Oprah Winfrey (who has her own TV network), and other corporations and businesses interested in seeing a season happen, I am sure an alternate league could be formed.

Whether this could or would or should happen is really not the point here although I would love to see these athletes finally take a stand! Which is what this is about, being a man and taking a stand.  One of the main reasons why the lockout has occurred is that the gazillionare owners feel as though the players are getting too much of the net profits.  I really do not understand the issue with this seeing as though I watch the NBA for the players playing on the hardwood, not the owners; the players are the talent we all pay to watch! 

The players seem to feel the same way and are now taking a stand against being, in all reality, pimped for their talents.  The players know their worth and are taking a stand at being told that they are being greedy and selfish.

As a man, it is important to know thyself, to know what you are worth and to never settle for less.  If there is an issue worth fighting for, as a man, you need to stand up and fight, win or lose. 

Despite all the negative publicity that often surrounds the NBA and its players, I can honestly say I am rooting for the players in this fight because they are now finally taking control of their own destiny!

GOOD LUCK FELLAS!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Columbus Day Collab Edition: Yes, You are a Stalker When:

Growing up, I was not exactly what you would call the "Ladies' Man", that title was reserved for a lot of my friends but definitely not me.  Big lips, skinny body, big feet and pigeon-toed does not exactly lauch you to the top of the list for "Most Eligible Bachelor."  So to meet women, I would often implement "techniques" I thought were sure fire ways to land that lucky lady but now, looking back, would probably be considered stalker-ish by societal norms.

Stalking is an action that knows no primary race, color, creed, or gender.  It is kind of like sex, we have all done it at least once!  Hey, love makes you do strange things or maybe you did not take your meds and were a little "off" that day to say the least.  Does a stalker know they are stalking when they are actually in the act of stalking? Probably not but myself and my partner in crime, Millita Wright, are going to explore stalking techniques demonstrated by both males and females.

From a woman's standpoint (Ms. Wright), men stalk when:


1. Buying you and drink and then following you around all night at the venue…You clearly told him you were there with your girls, he insisted on buying you a drink and now…sigh…he is right on your neck!

2. Making a decision to stop dating a guy and he blows up your phone. Not just your cell phone but also the home phone and your emails…Not to mention the excessive texts…man..please get the hint…love don’t live here anymore!

3. Stopping randomly by the woman’s job just to say hello…oh man….you are walking outside and are about to run to lunch and guess who is waiting outside…that guy you told that you wanted to date other people…

4. Calling from a random number…if you are calling her from you own number and she is not picking up, then catch that hint…maybe blocking your number or calling from your boy’s phone is not such a great idea

5. Looking on your Facebook and seeing what events the woman is attending and “happen” to be at the event….then say “Oh, I didn’t know you were going to be here!” Dude…you knew because there were 500 people in the venue and you just happened to find her…

6. Standing by the bathroom at the club and talking to each and every woman that comes by…man…you are doing too much…

7. Threating to come by the woman’s house because you cannot get in touch with her…every woman is not up to scandalous stuff…they may be at the salon and cannot pick up the phone…..then the texts because she isn’t answering her house phone…unless she does this all the time….perhaps just relax and give her a chance to call you back.

From a man's standpoint (Mr. Moore), women stalk when:
YOU ALL DO #2, #3, #4, AND #5 FROM ABOVE!!!!!!
You know have been schooled on the art, and I use that term loosely, of stalking!!!  If you have more, please add to it!!!!  Some of us just do not know....

Monday, October 3, 2011

Can She Spend the Night?

So, you meet a young lady and you start dating.  First date is usually the boring "get to know you" and ask a million and one stupid questions like "where are you from?" and "where did you go to school" blah blah blah.  If the man can make it through the first date, which can be relatively easy if he just shuts his mouth and allows her to do all the talking, there will be a second date. 

Second date occurs and now you are just capitalizing off of the first date.  It is a little more interesting this time around, you are both somewhat comfortable and the guard comes down a little. At the end of this date though, a possible liplock is in store, maybe not!!!

Now the third date is here and this is where it gets interesting.

*****Disclaimer, the events being explained right now are not the reflection of what is SUPPOSED to happen, they are just pretend dates to help me get to my point*****

On the third date, she has had a long week and for some reason, she is feeling "hot!" She is looking to let her hair down and get loose and it looks like you are on the menu BIG BOY!!!!  All you have to do is show her a good time and she is all yours.

The third date is a success; you take her home, your apartment, and for the rest of the night the HORIZONTAL TANGO is in full effect!  Now hopefully you were not a disappointment and you lasted at least a good solid five minutes!!!  After you are done, the big question is:

DOES SHE SPEND THE NIGHT OR DOES SHE GO HOME?

What is the rule here?  I have heard arguments on both sides of the coin.  As a gentleman, I just do not feel right sending a lady home in the middle of the night.  So I will allow her to stay until the morning.  Does that send off the wrong signals? 

Does spending the night represent a "relationship" which would be moving too fast if you are only dating?

How do you "kick" your date out if you do not want her to spend the night? 

Inquiring minds want to know....

Monday, September 26, 2011

Any Given Sunday - A Michael Vick Story

As a football fan, it is fun to sit in front of the tube and watch smash-mouth all day!  Football is unique because you really do not get to see the faces under the helmets so it makes it kind of hard to recognize them when they are not in uniform.  Fortunately for me, I went to Va Tech with Mike Vick and was able to enjoy his collegiate dominance. 

If you ever been to Tech, especially in the 90s, the Black population was very small (less than 1%) and so we all knew each other or knew of each other.  As popular as Mike was, he kept a low key persona.  He never was the "life" of the party and that's if he ever attended any parties.  If he did, you would not know it, he would be up against the wall somewhere with his teammates.  I think in person one-on-one, he is a very humble, personable person while on the field he is a very confident football player, maybe arrogant but I think it is warranted.

We all know by now the story of this young man; he was caught and admitted to owning and running an illegal dog fighting kennel in a home he owned in his home state of Virginia.  He went to jail for 2 years, declared bankruptcy, lost every endorsement he ever had, and pretty much became the devil to anyone who ever owned a pet. 

Vick came out of jail and had to start completely over in all aspects of his life; he had to start over financially, he had to start over in the NFL, and he had to start over as a man.  The Phildelphia Eagles recently signed him to a new $100 million dollar contract and Vick has also landed a lot of the same endorsement companies, e.g. Nike, that supported him before he went to jail. 

Although my wonderful New York Giants stomped a mud hole in the Vick-led Eagles this past weekend, I have to admit, I was rooting for Vick to be successful, NOT WIN, but to be successful.  I root for Vick when he is not playing against the G-men and not because he is a heck of a talent or because he is Black or because he went to Va Tech.  I root for Vick because he stood up in front of the world and said he was wrong.

As a man, we often have a lot of pride and do not want to admit when we are in the wrong.  Vick could have made up excuses or looked for sympathy like that idiot Plaxico Burress but he did not; he took sole responsibility for his actions, served his time like a man and came back and has rededicated himself to the sport he loves.  He surrounded himself with people who cared for him and will show him the right way and I am sure he has had to turn his back to the folks he thought had his (not an easy thing to do). 

Vick did rule #1 in Man Code Law and that is admitting when you are wrong.  We can all learn a thing or two from this man because we all are not perfect.  We all make mistakes or lose our way sometimes and that is okay.  It is the willingness to admit the wrongs and make them right. 

If Vick never wins another NFL game, he will always be a winner on and off the field and will always have my support as a fellow man.  Eddie Robinson coached the Grambling State University football team for over 40 years and is one of the winningest coaches in college football history.  He said something to a reporter one day after a game, he said, "I just dont want to win the game, I want to win the guy."  Eddie Robinson did not want to just beat his opponent but he wanted his opponents respect and admiration and that he achieved. 

I think Vick has won the guy.

Monday, September 19, 2011

The Approach: A Collabo With Ms. Millita Wright


The Washington DC Metropolitan Area (The DMV) is a wonderful city to meet members of the opposite sex.  Now, I am not being totally honest here; the female to male ratio here is around five to one and I am being generous so the DMV is really a great city FOR men to meet women.  This scenario tends to create an atmosphere of continuous courting or lack thereof. 

Men grow up under the notion that when we want something we just go after it.  Second place just means you are the first loser and any woman worth having is worth working for.  Those sentiments stick with us for a long time.  We see these things play out in bars, clubs, churches, grocery stores everywhere. 

But men, we just don’t know how to act when we do come in second place.  Men believe that if we just go be ourselves and go after what we want, we should win; until that first rejection that changes everything. 

Some men have been rejected more times than they can count so approaching a woman is like breathing to them.  Other men fear rejection more than they fear God.  If given a choice between being rejected and stealing from their Mother, well, Mommy better hold on to her clutch real tight!!!!

I, along with fellow blogger Millita Wright, will break down both sides of this man/woman thing so we can all win and still feel like a man at the end.

Lounge Scenario

Chris is with his pal Ed at a lounge and across the room sitting by herself is Val.  Val is gorgeous, hard-working and has had a long week.  She is sipping on a Ketel One and Tonic with a lime wedge half full, hair is up, exhaustion on her face.  Chris has proclaimed to Ed that he has seen his future wife.  Ed tells Chris to be a man and go get married! Chris approaches with another Ketel One in hand and this is what transpires:

Chris:  Good Evening, my name is Chris.  You must be my future girlfriend…

Val:  (smirks) Hi Chris…(thinking to herself….that line is the worse!)

Chris:  Do you have a name?

Val:  Chris, I am Val.  I certainly know it took quite a bit of courage for you to come over here, drink in hand, and strike up a conversation… but I have had a long day and I am just not interested in small talk. 

Chris:  Oh okay, what do you do for a living that has you so tired?  You too fine to be this tired…

Val:  Okay Chris…(annoyed)   maybe I wasn’t clear the first time.  I am not interested and I would like to be left alone… 

After walking away rejected and dejected, Chris goes about his business.  Later that evening he sees Joe Corny talking to Val at the bar and she is all cheese and smiles.  Chris does not understand and will probably go about being an a**hole to women for the rest of his life because he put himself out there with all sincerity and was kicked to the curb.

Ms. Millita Wright...
What is the woman’s perspective?

Chris approached Val, assumed she wanted another drink and had no idea why she was sitting chilling by herself. Chris walked up with a lame line and hoped it would work. Instead of being cool and just feeling her out…he chose to hit her with a line from the inception of the conversation. If Chris walked by and said hello and waited for the eye contact perhaps, he could have spared himself some rejection and heartbreak.

Women like for a man to be confident enough to talk to her but also savvy enough to read the non-verbal clues she gives.

As women, we also have to be crystal clear about what we want and not be ambiguous…when approached by a guy as Val was in the scenario, it is quite easy to just blow off a guy…but it’s a fine art. How can you say “no” nicely but not give off the impression that you are willing to have a conversation at a later date? One of my favorite lines is one that I smile genuinely, look the guy straight in the eyes and say “Thank you but I am all set and not interested…”  It’s a nicer no, but it usually leaves no room for a rebuttal….I then LEAVE the area…Not only does this eliminate the opportunity to hear a bad name blurted out , but it also keeps me from having to continue to explain myself and say no thanks in several different ways…

Advice to the Guys:

If you walk up on a random woman, read her body language…what is it telling you? Does she seem approachable? Did she give you eye contact and did she seem to invite you over without physically motioning with her finger? If she has the stink look on her face, it’s probably a good idea to keep it moving for the next one…  I admit, some women are quite rude, couple that with the some negative energy and there’s your unapproachable one! ….but there is HOPE!! Filtering through all the smoke and mirrors will prove success!  Just read the non-verbal signs...

Monday, September 12, 2011

Come On Coach, Put Me In!

One of the more enjoyable things about living in this area (DMV) are the fans devoted to their Washington Redskins.  Fact: The Washington Redskins are the fourth losing-est franchise in the 2000s and yet every season, according to their fanbase, they are Super Bowl Bound!!  Washington Redskin fans are a true testament to blind Faith, Will, and disillusion but I love 'em the same.  If you live in the DMV area, you ever notice how sad everyone is when they lose? Seriously, a good portion of this area works for the federal government in some capacity and when the Skins lose, the government mine as well shut down because no on is coming to work on Monday. 

I just hope they win around the first and 15th of every month so payroll is still ran!!!!

There are plenty of other fans here in this area and if you walk into any bar in the Happy Hour Capital of the world, you will find a group of devoted fans to any of the 32 teams.  In the mix somewhere will always be a Redskins fan. 

In the excitement of a new football season, I have come up with some rules/guidelines for all to follow when being a "fan" on NFL Sundays!

1.  No Bandwagoners.  I hate it when I see a bunch of "Packer" fans all of a sudden emerge and Aaron Rodgers is now the greatest thing since sliced bread!  If you are going to be a fan, be one and not only when they are winning, but like any devoted Redskin fan, you must stick with your team through decades of losing!

2.  Please, when you decide to wear your team's jersey, the jersey must have the name of someone on the CURRENT roster.  I saw a lot of Donovan McNabb Redskin jerseys yesterday and that man plays for the Vikings now #fail.  Exceptions to the rule, throwbacks of ex-football greats are allowed.  For  example, a Joe Namath Jets jersey is sanctioned.

3.  If you are having a football gathering at the house, you are required to bring a beverage or libation of choice for the group, not just a personal stash!  At this same gathering, ladies are allowed IF AND ONLY IF, they do not nag, bother, or make request during gametime.  Talking is allowed during commercials and halftime ONLY!

4.  I can't stand it when I go to a bar and the random fan fanatic starts giving me stats on every player on the team dating back to when Christ was a child.  Dude, I am hear to WATCH the game; if I wanted to listen to John Madden the whole time, I would have stayed home.

5.  Ok, I am at the bar watching the Skins and Giants and I see a Skins fan at the bar and he pulls something out of his pocket.  After a closer look, this guy pulled out a PENALTY FLAG from his back pocket and yes, it was florescent like what you see on TV. Oh, it gets better, he also had a red flag for "challenges" and he would pull these flags out when he thought it was appropriate.  Look, I am fan just like the next man; a jersey, some face paint, hat, even football gloves I can let you get away with but PENALTY FLAGS, NO!!!  Thats a flag on the play, penalty is pretending you are in the game re-living your glory days.  LET IT GO!!!!

Please feel free to add to this list!!!

Monday, September 5, 2011

The Essence of Ogling

We are all human, well women tend to think that men are from another planet, even another species.  I am here to tell you that at some point, I actually thought they were right!!!!  But I came back to my senses and just accepted that men and women are just different.  One glaring difference seems to be in the form of staring or what has been termed the Ogle.

This special sixth sense for man has been studied, dissected, and microscoped to its very end and it has been determined that Ogling is part of a man's DNA.  Yes, National Geographic has determined that a certain strand in a man's DNA is programmed for the Ogle.  Since science has determined that this cannot be changed, removed, or erased from our being, we should just accept it and all get along!!!  But I am fair and would love to dive into the rules and parameters that men should follow if they are going to ogle without offending the one they love.

The Essence...

Situation 1:  Husband and wife walking down the street, husband sees very attractive woman in a tight skirt, long nice legs, C-cups and a smile in some 4-inch heels.  Does he do:

a.  turn around as she walks by
b.  as she walks by he merely just moves his eyes
c.  close his eyes and hopes he doesn't trip

Answer:

B - As she walks by, he is ALLOWED a quick glance with the eyes which should take all of .06 seconds. 

Situation 2:  From above, if wife sees the glance, he should:

a.  Lie and say he didnt see anything
b.  Smile and pretend she is not talking
c.  Ask wife what she thinks about her outfit

Answer:

C - You have now bought yourself more time to ogle if you ask the wife to look at her too; while she looks at her dress, you can "look" at her dress too.  Sidenote - the longer the conversation, the longer the ogle.

Situation 3: Husband and wife are out to eat at Ruth's Chris (hopefully she is paying) and a gorgeous, college co-ed is your server.  She is now at your table taking your order.  Do you:

a.  Drop the menu you were reading and give her the head lean
b.  Give her extra small talk while burning a hole in her chest with your eyes
c.  Quickly greet and immediately turn ALL attention to your wife

Answer:

C - If you want to keep the taste buds in your mouth long enough to enjoy that primerib you want to order, you will immediately acknowledge (to yourself) how gorgeous the server is and then immediately turn to your wife until said threat has left the table.


These rules and others are not just for married couples, they apply to any "relationship" whether you are on a first date or have been married 50 years.

Are there other situations that men need to know what to do in order to at least remain respectful? Now, the only answer that will not work is "Just don't ogle!"  That's just impossible because National Geographic proved it is in our DNA. 

Monday, August 29, 2011

Natural Disaster Special Edition: Top Ten Man Code Violations

I am not going to lie to you, an earthquake and hurricane in the same week, kind of lead me to thoughts of "end of world" and other "things" like that but they were short-lived.  Natural disasters may not occur often here in the DMV but we are not immune to them.  I distinctly remember walking across McKeldin at my alma mater UMD and watching a tornado form less than a mile away.  Tell you what, it aint like the movies!!!!

So in the spirit of being caught between the earth moving, sideways rain, and tree-breaking-power-outage winds, I bring to you THE TOP TEN MAN CODE VIOLATIONS.  Now, like it says, top ten and these are of my opinion for the time being.  The list for man code violations is quite long but in the effort to keep you interested and smiling after such a dreadful weekend, here we go:

10.  When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are EVEN permitted to deny his very existence.

9.  Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours. 

8.  Under no circustances, NONE WHAT SO EVER, may two men share an umbrella!

7.  The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes.  The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of "badness" on the classic 1-10 scale.

6.  "Falling on a grenade" for a buddy (agreeing to talk to the not-so-attractive friend of the bad woman your friend is trying to get with) is your legal duty.  BUT, should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your boy is forbidden to ever speak of it!

5.  On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest!

4.  Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

3.  If a man's zipper is down, that's HIS problem; you didnt see anything!

2.  No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. Remembering his birthday is also optional!

1.  Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
     a.  "Yeah, baby, push it"
     b.  "Come on, give me one more, harder!"
     c.  "Another set and we can hit the showers"
     d.  "Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?"

BONUS TOP FIVE

1.  While your girlfriend must bond with your buddys girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pal's boyfriends; low level sports bonding is all the law requires

2.  Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh!

3.  When stumbling upon a group of guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing #fail!

4.  When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes; as long as you dont let your friend be the last sorry SOB standing on the sideline!

5.  If you ever compliment a guy's six pack, you better be talking about his choice of beverage!!!

ENJOY!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

It Is All In the Presentation...

So I am traveling this past weekend and I am at the airport drinking my daily dosage of OJ and waiting for my "zone" to be called.  Sidenote, even at the boarding gate, we practice classism!  I digress...as I am sitting and people watching, a thought came into my head and it was about an article I read some time ago about how Americans dress when we fly.  It stated that Europeans think Americans are the worst dressed when it comes to travel. I think I might have to agree!

If Love Connection happened at the airport, we would be a very lonely world!  Have you actually seen what we wear on our way to another city? Have we no shame?  I saw folks in their pajamas, no really, their PJ's, like, what they slept in, like I-am-going-to-roll-out-of-bed-and-drive-straight-to-the-airport pajamas!  Women in curlers, guys in wife-beaters, men and women with just socks on, no shoes.  I know TSA has made it kind of hard for us to wear what we want but come on folks!!! 

Do we think about who we might meet?  Are we not ambassadors of our own city when we travel abroad? What if you met your next boss on the plane? One thing he will not do is send you on business travel!!!!!

My point, it is about presentation.  My favorite show of all time is The Cosby Show and here is a clip that represents my point.  It is about presentation in everything that we do.  When I enter a barbershop, I am going to go to the barber that has the best looking shape-up.  Why? Because he is giving me his best presentation.  Ladies, when you enter the beauty salon, does your hair stylist look like a H.A.M.?

Are we too afraid to show our best to the world?  Do we oftentimes not show our best self when it comes to relationships?

As men, we should actively show our best every minute of every day in thought, in dress, in love.  The next time you want to wear your polka dot pajama pants and wife beater to the airport, stop and think for a minute and realize this is your introduction to the world.  Is it really????

Monday, August 15, 2011

You've Got Mail!!

So my little sister calls me at work this morning and her exact words to start off the convo were:

"It must be something in the water! Why did I receive a picture of (insert name here of wanna-be porno guy)'s penis by text message?"

Ok people, I just have one question...

WHERE THEY DO THAT AT????  Yes, I said it in all my ebonics and broken English because it is now so serious, this epidemic, I cannot even speak properly.

Once again I am probably showing my age and how old fashion I am when it comes to sex but is this part of the new sexual revolution where we are all so free about what we have?  Are we sending our private parts to be served with said recipient's morning coffee?

Men are sending pictures of their genitalia to women and oftentimes I do not even think they know their last name.  And to top it all off, some of these women are not even impressed with the package being received. 

If this is some kind of ploy to get a woman into the sack immediately, the last thing you want to do is show your "hand" before the game is even played.  If she is not impressed, your chances of scoring have pretty much been diminished!!! 

If she is impressed with your "hand" then she might think about it but then again, she is probably thinking your some kind of sex-crazed weirdo wondering if this is your first time doing this.  The answer, probably not!!

Okay, say you do "score" but a month or two later, you two go through a bad "breakup" or you do something to make her upset and decides to post your "hand", which is still on her phone, on Facebook or Twitter and tag you.  Makes it hard to get hired for a new job if your "hand" is all over the internet.

And what if this woman you are "courting" (and I use that term VERY loosely here) is sort of clumsy and loses the phone or upgrades her phone at Sprint.  When she turns the phone in, Maggie the Spring lady is now going through this phone and all the old text messages and runs across your "hand."  It is not like she doesnt have a name associated with it!  I do not even want to think about the possibilities of a "hand" falling into the wrong hands.

BUT, you know what, I cannot 100% blame the guys for this debauchery and ignorance.  Somewhere along the way, a woman allowed this to happen. A woman thought was cute or OK to do and it has spread like wildfire.  So yes, ladies, you deserve some blame for this.

Bottom line, fellas, can we stop this practice.  Last thing I want to happen is for some eager beaver to put in my phone number by accident because it is late night and he is drunk, trying to recall the lady's phone number he jusst met 10 minutes ago and send his "hand" to me while I am enjoying my bacon and eggs.  IT IS JUST NOT A GOOD LOOK!!!! Literally and figuratively.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Hall of Fame vs. Hall of Shame

The NFL Hall of Fame Inductee Ceremony was this past weekend and the speeches have become viral by Deion Sanders and Shannon Sharpe.  Both of these players were great and contributed a lot to the game of football.  Football players spend all of their careers with a helmet on their heads making it virtually impossible to recognize them in public or on the street and very few of them get a mic shoved in their face to talk about anything outside of football.

The HOF Inductee Ceremony speeches gave a side of the player, through their speeches, we probably would have never heard or seen unless they sat down with Roy Firestone at some point in their career.  Both of their speeches had some similar themes:

1.  Both players did not have a Father-figure inside the house; Shannon's was his Grandfather
2.  Both dedicate everything they had and who they are to their Mothers

I think the speeches themselves reflect the respect, admiration, loyalty, and love they showed to their Mothers which translated into the hard work, loyalty, and integrity they showed while playing the game of football.

Sidenote, Deion Sanders nickname "Primetime" and his explanation on how he came up with it was genius!!!!

I made a decision a long time ago that I would stop watching the news, literally, stop watching it.  It is just too depressing; if you want to ruin someone's day or bring them down off of a natural high, cut on the 6'o clock news.  Makes you want to slit your wrist.  Somehow I got caught watching the tube, specifically the news, and one of the leading stories was about a Mother on a bus and how she got chastised by another man on the same bus about her parenting skills.

Well, the Mother becomes enraged, calls her "homies" and about fifteen minutes later they show up, guns blazing, literally, and shoot up the bus.  I can't make this up even if I wanted to and to top it all off, the whole thing was caught on video

So in one instance I have Mothers who pushed their sons to be the very best at whatever they wanted to be the best at and make a better life for themselves and the loved ones around them.  In another instance, I have a Mother who encourages the attempted killing of a man and other innocent bystanders because she could not take criticism.

Am I missing something here?  Where is the disconnect?  Where are we going as a people?

SPEAK OUT!!!

Monday, August 1, 2011

I Knew Your Girl

I went in a little deep last week so I will lighten it up for my readers.  Before I start I would like to thank you all for reading and following my blog weekly.  I have received a lot of positive comments in person and through other mediums and it is greatly appreciated.  Keep reading and pass it on!!!

This week I am writing about a topic sent to me from a close friend inspired by a song called "I Knew Your Girl" by Joe.  If you do not know the song, click the title and take a listen for yourself.  The gist of the song is that a guy dated or sexed a friend of his current girl/wifey and he never told her.  So in this song, he is confessing about his past transgressions with this friend to his girl.

To give this situation a real life scenario:

Carlton is currently dating a young lady named Jenny.  They go to a summer cookout and Carlton runs into a past "situation" by the name of Samantha.  Samantha just so happens to be friends with Jenny; they went to undergrad together.  Carlton keeps his cool but has to seriously think about what to do next.

Does Carlton confess to Jenny about Samantha when they are alone or does he take Samantha "to the grave" and not ever mention it to Jenny?

If Carlton decides to confess to Jenny, does he go into detail or does he pull a Seinfeld and "yadda yadda yadda" the good stuff?

If he does not tell Jenny but Samantha does and then Jenny approaches Carlton about it, what is Carlton suppose to say?  Or is Carlton screwed at this point?

Speak out!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Man UP - DOWN low

There is an interesting article a friend of mine sent to me written by 3 Ph.Ds about the origins of Homosexuality and the "Gay Gene".  A very interesting, thought provoking read and if you want to read it, please feel free.  I know growing up being gay was not meant that you were happy and it was very rarely talked about.  And there actually was not a whole lot of information available, the only thing you needed to know was that you did not want to be accused of being gay.  As a matter of fact, if you wanted to start a fight with ANYBODY, you called them a "b*tch" or a "f*ggot" which meant you were gay.  I have seen some brutal fights at the mere accusation you were gay.

Today, we have legalized gay marriages in about six states so we have come a long way in the last 20 to 25 years and I am sure we will go even further.  But there are still a considerable amount of men living their lives "in the closet" or on the "down low".  Two terms that are similar in nature but their intent and purpose are drastically different. 

First, do I really care if a man is gay or not.  Put it to you like this, I have never concerned myself with what another man does in the privacy of his own bedroom.  I have my hands full just trying to make sure what goes down in my bedroom is nothing short of fantastic!!! LOL  So I really just take a "none of my business" approach to this topic.  Unfortunately, not everyone feels the way I do.  There are people out there that think homosexuality is a choice and it can be prayed away, "Pray away the Gay" or something like that.  Why would anyone choose a life that puts them under constant attack and discrimination is beyond me but I digress. 

The term "in the closet" or "living  in the closet" is a phrase to describe a homosexual living in secrecy about their sexual origin.  From what I have seen growing up, witnessing the hardships and physical harm gay men have had to endure, I would keep my sexuality a secret also.  Anybody that comes "out of the closet" (term to mean to reveal the fact that you are gay) is a super brave human being in my book and should be commended.  I got picked on because I am pigeon-toed and I have big lips CONSTANTLY; the torture a young man must go through being gay is unfathomable and I would not wish that on any man.  Is "living in the closet" right or wrong? I do not think a right or wrong answer can be applied to this situation unless you have walked those shoes.

A man on the "down low" of "DL" is a man who discreetly has sex with other men while in sexual relationships with women.  Often these men do not consider themselves gay or bisexual and their female partners are not aware that they have sex with other men, thus the term "down low" or "in hiding". There is a huge psychological component to being on the "DL" I will not get into but this is what I wholeheartedly do not agree with and where gay men need to do better.

Regardless of popular opinion, gay men are STILL men and they fall under the same rules every other man follows and that is to be honest and have some integrity.  Yes, maybe, well not maybe, but as a society, we need to be more welcoming of the gay community so a safe space exist for gay men to come out of the closet and not be on the down low.  But "down low" behavior is inexcusable and goes against everything a man stands for.

Being "in the closet" does not affect others around you, at least not physically and health wise but "DL" men hurt other people; they hurt the women they are involved with and lying to as well as the other men they are involved with also. 

I do not know the answers but I do understand men "in the closet" but I do not agree with "DL" and maybe it is up to the rest of us to create an atmosphere where neither one of these things exist.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Women: Just A Touch

I "preach" about being a better man day-to-day.  It is a process that will probably take a lifetime but I cannot lie, I am enjoying the ride.  As I grow and get better, certain ideals, theories, or just plain facts are accepted into my consciousness which in turn help me to grow and move further along in my development process.  One of the "just plain facts" I have come to accept is that EVERYTHING needs a woman's touch.  Wait for it, let it sink in, okay, I will repeat, everything needs a woman's touch.

Ever see a bachelor pad pre-marriage and then go to that same living quarter once the wife has moved in?  He mine as well have moved into another space; once a woman moves in, anything "bachelor-like" is tossed and she gives it her personal, woman-esque touch. (Typical stuff like drapes, matching towels, candles, plants, etc)  But now that living space is livable and for all intensive purposes, a better place. 

Sometimes a presentation needs a woman's touch, a man's ensemble may need a lady's attention or even his career could use a female perspective.  Regardless of the case, as men, we have to realize the value in our counterpart's perspective and listen, absorb, understand, then implement it. 

I recently sat down with a woman I have a lot of respect for and she really put my life and who I am in perspective.  She was able to safely communicate my flaws but also highlighted the great characteristics I do possess which gave herself and our conversation a lot of validity and credibility. I felt like she got me, she understood me. 

She encouraged me to always be me but gave me some solutions on how to fix the not-so-great-parts.  She was very trasparent and genuine and that made me feel good but better, I felt empowered!  I walked away with a plan and a new outlook but I was very thankful and gracious to this young lady for even taking the time to give my life her personal touch.  She left her fingerprints on my window pane; she authored a small chapter in my book of life and for that I will always be in debt to her.

As a man though, I had to be open to not only being told about how great I am, I had to be open to some of the things I am not so great at and accept it.  Once I accepted my "flaws", it was up to me to want to fix those things and become a better man.  And all it took was a WOman to help me do it. 

Fellas, do you have a female or females in your life that play this role? A lady that can talk to you and reach you in places that we often shut off or shutdown.  If not, can you identify someone you respect enough to tell you about yourself, enough to inspire change?

Ladies, is there a man you know that would benefit from your personal touch?  Have you reached out to him?

In the mortal words of Rob Base, IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A THING GO RIGHT!!!! 

I am because we are and we are because I am.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Texting Versus Calling

Remember those days (and I think I am referring to those 30 and up) when you would fall asleep talking to your "girlfriend/boyfriend" on the home phone.  You would wake up to that beep beep noise b/c the other person hung up on your snoring!! What about when you called someone at home and if they were not home you had to leave a message and pretty much wait until they got back to you and that could have been hours later. 

Then technology stepped in!

The arrival of beepers, the first low level, human low jack, made it "easier" to stay in touch but now you had to have a pocket full of change for the payphones in your neighborhood.  And Heaven forbid if it was an emergency, the notorious "911" that came in at the end of a number to call.  Unless you were a street pharmacist, what really was the emergency? Would it have been an emergency if you knew you could not have gotten hold of me???

Welcome cell phones.  The first cell phone looked like a handheld brick attached to a suitcase that doubled as the battery pack.  Now it was dayum near impossible to ever be unavailable.  As the cellphone evolved to what we have now as the handheld PC, texting has exploded and it is wreaking havoc on the chivalry between man and woman.  Add facebook, twitter, 4score or whatever and now no one really talks to each other, we TYPE each other.

Now I will be first to say that I hate the phone, I love talking face to face, FACETIME!  If I had to choose between texting and talking on the phone, I would choose texting because it allows me to multitask (or pay attention when I feel like it) and it gives me time to think of a response when I want to respond. 

Talking on the phone is probably the next best thing to facetime; it allows you to at least hear the person's voice which can indicate different emotions (texting is emotionless unless you type in CAPS) and communication is clearer. 

It used to be when you asked for a lady's phone number, the man would call her.  Nowadays, men get the number and they text the lady.  I think this new phenomenon is driving women nuts!!!!  I think it has gotten to the point where dates are setup and a phone call has not even occurred.  I think we are now delivering sex over text messaging; what is it called, Sexting?  That is a whole other topic because for the life of me I do not understand why anybody would want their goodies floating on the internet!

As men, we need to get back to the basics of chivalry and stop being lazy.  Would it really kill us to pick up the phone, at least initially and then the rules of engagement can be established?  Ladies, would it be that hard to communicate your expectations as far as how you want to be engaged? 

I never knew it would get to the point where we have to establish rules on something as basic as the telephone but this is where we are.  Technology, I dont know, it maybe doing more harm than good when it comes to the relationships between the sexes.

What do you think?  SPEAK OUT!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Independent Thinking - Independence Day Edition

When I am alone, whether thats my walk home from work or driving to a destination, my mind races with thoughts about everything from politics, love, friendships, sports, work, what have you.  I am a student of every game and I never feel like I have mastered anything which makes my thirst for knowledge that much stronger. 

Oftentimes I have light bulb moments when I am able to take my past experiences, other people's experiences, my own thoughts, and the behavior of the world around me to come up with a grand concept I can use to guide me through this thing called Life. 

A lot of times these "epiphanies" put me in a place where I am alone.  I am put in a place where I seem to be going right while everyone else is going left.  As men, we are all, at some point in our lives, put in a place where we stand alone because of what we believe in.  But how do you react? How do you, as a man, handle that?

I believe in becoming a better man everyday; it is a process that is constant and neverending and it involves the evolution of my understanding of the world.  It is impossible to believe everything yesterday today, if you are living!!!!  If you are not taking the guided tour through life, then your experiences, your thoughts, and those around you will keep you questioning what you believe, what you hold true to your heart and most importantly, what you stand for. 

I am ONE in this world; my "cipher" keeps moving like a rolling stone (que Badu). This means I have a direction connection to this place called Earth just like you do which makes every man, woman, and child on this planet connected.  If I do not evolve and become better, pushing the limits of thinking, creativity, critical thought processing, then how can you, connected to me, become a better you? 

We have to be brave enough to have original thoughts and put those thoughts out to the world; whether or not they are accepted or rejected is irrelevant but it is the idea itself that moves us all from today to tomorrow. 

Great scene in the movie "Brown Sugar" where Sanaa Lathan and Taye Diggs are sitting in the park and Diggs is questioning his presence in Hip Hop and his contributions.  He is really upset about where Hip Hop is going (sounds familiar?) but he wants to do something about it.  He first questions why Hip Hop can't go back to the Golden Years when emcees actually spoke about something real in their records and it just wasnt about Cars, Money, and Sex.  Sanaa quickly and emotionally explained to Diggs that Hip Hop is about forward movement, it must evolve, it has to keep pushing.  This line and this line alone has helped me to accept the what Hip Hop is today; I may not like it but I accept it because we cannot go back to yesterday, we have to let it evolve and push forward.

I think a lot of times the fear of being right or wrong prevents us standing alone in our thoughts and putting them out to the world.  We put so much pressure on ourselves to be right and not wrong that it has almost become a sin or an act of heresy if you say something that is wrong.  Step away from the right vs wrong arena and allow yourself to be okay with being both because in the end it does not matter either way. 

I challenge all to stand alone and confront the world with your own thoughts so we all can benefit and grow.  I am because we are and We are because I am.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Friends Is Friends...

Good Day World...it is definitely too hot to do anything except sit around and talk about how hot it really is!!!  Ladies, you are looking good but some of the fellas are starting to complain about the vegetable garden some of you are starting to grow and show.  We are starting to see mushrooms (fat falling over the beltline), cottage cheese (back of the thighs), and it seems you all are also growing flour seeing how ashy the feet and legs have been.  Remedies are simple.  Sit-ups for the mushrooms, lunges for the cottage cheese and St. Ives for the flour!!!!

Fellas, your best friend or even a close homeboy has a wife or wifey (almost wife but no ring) that is real cool.  She gets along with everyone; she also has a reputation to being somewhat flirty.  Some say she is real friendly.  One day you bump into her at the grocery store and the both of you speak, as usual, but this conversation takes on a little twist.  You tell her about your dating issues and she proceeds to tell you "how great of a guy you are" and that a woman "would be crazy to pass up a great-looking guy like you."  She then touches your arm in a flirty type of way.

Now you dont want to believe it because this is your friend's wifey but you are pretty sure she just flirted with you. 

Do you tell your homeboy that his girl is flirting with you?

On the flipside, do you believe your homeboy if he tells you that your girlfriend is flirting with him?

SPEAK OUT!!!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Father vs. Dad

Circa 1997...I came home from my freshman year of college and I was shooting the breeze with my Pops.  I am thinking it was a Sunday and I just came home from some early morning bump (pickup basketball games); my Pops was probably on his third of four newspapers he reads on Sundays. 

My Dad is a ferocious reader and pretty much one of the smartest men I know.  He could sit and have a conversation with ANYBODY!!  Doctor, lawyer, engineer, trash man, it did not matter, Pops could talk to you about anything on any level. 

He put the paper down for a second and asked me how my first year of college.  He asked about my coursework and of course my grades.  Pops never really worried about me obtaining high marks in school, he was used to it from me so it was expected, like standard operating procedure.  He then made a statement that kind of threw me off, he said "Integration was the worst thing to happen to education..."

I just sat there for a second with a puzzled face, really did not have a response but I am thinking in my head my parents went to great lengths to make sure my siblings and I had a diverse education.  An education where we would interact with not just people who looked like us but people from all cultures.  I was attending a majority white school in the middle of one of the most lopsided (cultural wise) cities in Virginia.  Umm yea, and now you hit me with this!!!?????

He recognized the confusion on my face and further explained.  He asked when was the last time you took a class about your culture?  A couple of pages in your History book does not count!  When have you ever taken a class just on our culture?  I did not have an answer; I could not answer him because in all my years of education, up to that point, I never took a class about Black people.  And at that very moment, I realized I knew very little about me, my family, my history, my CULTURE. 

Pops, indirectly, pushed me to take this challenge head on and change.  He made me realize that integration was an issue because it forced Black students to learn another culture, not their own.  When you know about your culture, you have more pride about self; there is comfort in knowing where you came from and the realization of what you can really achieve.  This is a huge part in what we call self-esteem.  So that next semester in school, I made sure I enrolled myself in a Black Studies course and made it a point to explore who I was, where I came from, my family heritage and what it means to be me, to be Black.

My DAD did all of that in a 10 minute conversation.  My Dad made sure, from birth, that I would become the best MAN I could be.  He deplored lying, cheating and stealing and when I tried all three, he promptly beat me for it.  He taught me to fight for myself when I would continuously get my a** kicked on the block.  He pushed me on the basketball court and made every one of my games.  He showed how to dress and conduct myself as a gentleman.  Simply, he instilled in me to always try to become a better man everyday. 

I cannot put a price, a theory, a statistical analysis on the importance of a Dad in a child's life, especially a young man.  The effects a Dad has on a daughter is just as great if not greater. 

What is the difference between a Father and a Dad?  A Father donates the sperm, a Dad is all of the above and then some. 

I want to personally thank all the DADS out there for being more than a Father and wish you all a Happy DADDYS Day!!!!!

Which one do you have, a Father or a Dad???

SPEAK OUT!!!