Etiquette for Men - Dining, The Last Chapter

Wrapping up the last chapter of the dining experience to elevate the normal man to the ultimate gentleman (at least during a meal), I will go over some small but important "rules" that will dictate whether or not you are the toast of the evening or never invited to eat a meal in public again!

Okay, so you have sat down at table, identified all utensils, drinks, appetizer, desserts, bread and you are ready to get down!!!! You are hungrier than a hostage but wait, when is it appropriate to start eating?  The safe and easy answer to remember is to start eating when others do.  In a group setting and hot food is involved, if at least two people are seated then you can begin eating.  If everyone is seated and at least 3-4 people have been served in a group of more than 4, then you can start eating.  A group of 4 or smaller, please wait until everyone is served.  Bottom line, do not be the only schmuck eating at the table.

In most settings, a prayer will be said and this is initiated by the host but it can also be given by anyone at the table and it should be done before the food is served.  When offering a toast, this can happen anytime (best when glasses are filled) and can be done by anyone.  It is customary for a guest to toast to the host for the meal and hospitality.

Elbows!!!!!  Elbows on the table while eating is a no-no! However, there are exceptions to the rule; elbows on the table during a conversation (between meals, courses, or during post-meal coffee/tea) is allowed.  Reaching across the table over others is a definite negative; if something is out of your reach, ask the person closest to pass it around the table for you. 

Tips while you are eating:

• No playing with the table utensils, bread, etc
• Sit up straight in the chair, no slouching
• When speaking, attempt to use your "inside" voice
• Try your hardest to not sneeze or cough at the table; if it happens suddenly, place face into the inside of your elbow.  If you have liquids dripping from your noise, excuse yourself to the restroom
• Never, ever, ever tilt back your chair
• Yes, really, chewing with your mouth open is disgusting!
• Noises while eating is a negative
• If you notice something in your food, no need to broadcast to the table; discretion is key
• No slurping the soup!
• If a dish is placed in front you first, serve yourself then pass it on
• If a dish is set before you that you do not wish to eat, do not touch it; although it is polite to take at least a little and try it so to not offend the host
• If you have restrictions in your diet, please make arrangements with the host beforehand. If arrangements are not made, you may want to eat before arriving
• If you say no to alcohol, fake it for the night (hold the glass, occassionally putting it to your lips)

When finished with the meal, do the following with your utensils:

Finally, you have done a pretty good job of not embarrassing yourself at the dinner table amongst your colleagues...CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Just a couple more tips and you will be ready to go!  Turn off the cellphone or put it on silent and then put it away.  Enjoy the meal and the people around you.  I cannot stand being around people who cannot put down their phone for an hour.  If you have kids and you are worried about them and want to make sure you are not receiving any emergency calls, pull out the phone every once in a while a take a glance.  If all is well, put it away! 

Last, engage the people you are eating with; so many deals have been made at the table, new jobs have been acquired, stock tips have been exchanged when you open your mouth and get to know the people at the table.

Good manners are achieved consistently when they are practiced constantly...enjoy gentlemen!

Etiquette for Men, Part Three - Fine Dining

Usually Black History Month is a time for celebration and looking back on the contributions of Blacks but this 2012 version has got to be the most depressing! First Don Cornelius now Whitney Houston.

Rest In Peace Whitney Houston...

I would like to continue our lessons in etiquette and address more of the dining experience: fine dining.  This week we will look at some table settings so there is no confusion which fork you use when eating your appetizer as opposed to your main dish.

Some quick rules to know in general so you do not look like a complete vagabond at the table:

1.  Be polite and take only what you can eat and not what you think you can eat.  Also, do not take so much food you have to pack it up and doggy-bag it.  It is rude to eat excess food and have guests around you not being able to enjoy the half salmon you attempted to devour! Finishing your plate and then going back for seconds is the ultimate compliment to the chef.  So one plate at a time please!

2. No double dipping...I mean seriously, that is just disgusting!  If you must double dip, please grab a plate and place a polite amount of dip and chips (crackers, etc) on the plate and you can double dip to your heart's desire!

3.  When ordering that nice juicy ballpark steak, do not cut it up in little pieces like you are 9 years old before eating.  Cut a few pieces, eat, then cut some more. Besides, cutting up the entire steak makes it dry out quicker. 

4.  When you are finished, please take the time to look around your "area" and clean up after yourself.  Once again, you are not 9 and the servers are not your maids!

Scenario 1:

You are in the business school and it is that time of the year to secure that internship for the summer and one of your interviews is a business interview luncheon.  Meals like this are considered "informal" and this only means that all parties involved with this meal will be sat, served, and a conversation over food will commence. 

You arrive at the luncheon venue, you are taken to the table and you see this:

No need to get nervous, just remember, everything revolves around the plate.  Forks are always to the left, spoons and knives to the right, your glass should stay to the upper right area of your place setting.  When it comes to silverware, you work from the outside in; each meal course has its own silverware.  Usually, soups and salads will be used by the spoon and fork, respectively, the farthest outside.  The next course will use the utensil that is next and so forth.  Your main course should be used by the utensils closest to the plate.  Also, remember to place the napkin in your lap immediately after sitting.  More on the napkin later...

Scenario 2:

You have been invited to your first Black Tie Gala and dinner will be served.  You have on your tuxedo and when you are arrived, you are taken to your table and this is what you will see:

Notice this setting is almost the same as the one before it accept there are a couple more forks and drinking glasses.  There is a difference between a white and red white glass.  Red wine, if I am not mistaken, has a wider rim than the white wine glass.  Also notice the dessert fork; sometimes you will see the dessert utensils placed above the plate, it all depends on the venue.

Next week I will wrap up fine dining tips and some other do's and don'ts!!! 

If I have made a mistake or did not mention something of importance, please add!!! Enjoy folks and remember, it is not always what you are eating but how you eat it!!!!

Etiquette for Men, Part Two - Dining Out

First and foremost, I must say one important thing and that is CONGRATULATIONS TO THE WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS!!!!!

I always tell people that after I transferred to Univ of Maryland (GO TERPS!) from Virginia Tech, I grew up, I became a man, in so many words.  UMD offered a larger support system and there were professors, staff, and faculty that took a special interest in students and helped them to become leaders.  Fortunately, I was one of the students who benefitted from the interests and was put into a position to learn some life skills that have helped me tremendously in my personal and professional life.  One of those skills is Dining Etiquette.

It is amazing to me how many people lack dining etiquette skills.  The most interesting part is that the lack of skills is not exclusive to one group or class.  I have sat down with professionals from all walks of life from every race, creed, and color; some at the highest in their career, lawyers, doctors, entertainers or just the everyday Joe and have been amazed they do not know where their drinking glass is supposed to be or which one is the salad fork. 

Granted, understanding and executing dining etiquette is not something you are born with but you can read a book or take a class to obtain the proper knowledge.  Doing so can put you in a better position to land a job, demonstrate good manners, and to simply show that you are a gentleman.

Most Important Rule

The most important thing to know when dining is to know who you are dining with and where you will be dining.  It is customary and respectful to RSVP to any invitation within three days of receiving the invite and if you cannot determine what to wear, always look professional.  It is always better to be overdressed, at least you will look m'potent! First impressions....

When visiting someone's residence, try to come bearing gifts! Flowers or a bottle of wine are always appropriate and if you were requested to bring something like dessert and you know you cannot cook, do not feel obliged to make anything. There are bakeries out in the world that specialize in such arenas!  And DO NOT BE LATE!!!!

Restaurant Entrance

First, when you enter a restaurant and you are finally lead to the table where your meal will take place, gentlemen, you are to:

1.  First allow any lady in your presence to be sat first. As a matter of fact, you should pull out her chair and after she has sat, lightly push her in closer to the table and make sure she is comfortable.

2.  If you have on a suit, do not take off your suit jacket, it is proper etiquette to keep it on.  Now, if you must take it off, please offer an apology to the table and let the table know you are taking your jacket off (e.g. because it is hot) and place it on the coat rack or have it checked at the host table.  If they cannot take it, you can then place it on the back of your chair.

3.  When a lady comes to the table you are already seated at OR a lady gets up and exits the table you are dining at, it is gentleman-like to stand and acknowledge her entrance or exit.  Once she has seated or has clearly left the table, you may sit again.

4.  Once you are sitting and comfortable, go ahead and take the napkin and place it in your lap. Do not stuff it down your shirt like you are in the circus! And most important, DO NOT START EATING!  It is chivalrous and respectful to wait for everyone to receive their food before everyone starts eating and in some cases, a group prayer will take place so please do not embarrass yourself by digging in nose first when your food first arrives.

5.  Sidenote for the Ladies: The new Louis Vuitton or Gucci bag you bought yesterday, it really does not belong in the middle of the dining table.  Please place it in a vacant chair, on a hook under the table, or on the corner of your chair!!!!!

Overall Basic Principles

1.  If you are not educated in the arena in fine dining and you find yourself having to 'wing' the entire experience, take cues from the host or from others at the table.  It is not a race so doing everything last is okay.  Keep everything basic and use the utensils everyone else is using; do not try to get fancy and make a fool out of yourself.

2.  I do not think I have to say this but I find that there are grown adults that still do this; DO NOT CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN! Yea, that spare rib looks way better on your plate than it does in your mouth. In addition, do not try to speak with your mouth full.  If caught off guard with a mouth full of greens, politely put up a finger (not the middle) to let the table know to give you a minute while you chew and then you can address the speaker.  To avoid a situation like this, try not to stuff your mouth, small portions will help avoid this.

3.  Say "Thank You", "Please", and "Excuse Me"...enough said!!!

I think we are off to a good start, next week I will dive into the actual dining experience and even show sample dinner settings so the gentlemen are properly prepared for the most formal of dining experiences.

If you have more "rules" to add, please feel free and speak out!