Monday, November 12, 2012

Post-Election Analysis Part 1: Home Team

I would first like to give a BIG Thank You to all Veterans and say Happy Veterans' Day.

Also, Congratulations to President Barack Obama on his recent re-election! Speaking of, the President's win has seen the emergence of a plethora of negative, racist comments and vile bigotry.  I was recently in a conversation on Facebook with an old friend and one of the things he asked me was why did I vote for President Barack Obama?

I told him I voted for him because one, I am a Democrat, and two, because he is Black.  He took exception and says it is not fair for me to vote for someone because of the color of their skin.  My friend is Caucasian and he is not alone in his opinion.  As a matter of fact, there are some Blacks that feel the same way; voters should look beyond the color of a man's skin and look deeper at his politics and what he stands for.  Here is my take...

"Blacks are mentally inferior, by nature subservient, and cowards in the face of danger. They are therefore unfit for combat."
                               -  1925 US Army War College Study

"There isn't a scout, personnel manager, or coach who will tell you African-Americans are too dumb to read a defense--as they would have in the 1940s, '50s, and '60s."
                               -  Bleacher Report (March 5, 2012)

"Quarterback has long been the position in football that has eluded the Black athlete. For one reason: the deep-seated stereotype that Black people aren't smart enough to learn the complex offense, defensive schemes and that they lack the ability to discern variations in blitzes..."
                               -  SBPDL (December 10, 2011)

I am inching closer to 35 and up until around four years ago, the term "Black President" was a punchline, a myth, urban legend, a rap lyric that likened itself to being a ghost or non-existent.  We would tell our children that they could be anything they wanted to be in the world but in the back of our minds there were some exceptions.  One of them being the President of the United States.

For as long as I can remember, Blacks have continued to break down barriers and be the "First" to do something, even in 2012.  This past Summer Olympics, Gabby Douglas became the FIRST African-American woman, as well as the first woman of color of any nationality, to win the Gold Medal in the Individual All-Around in Gymnastics.

I like using sports as an example for a lot of things because sports is probably the one place where color does not and should not matter.  As you can see by the aforementioned quotes, Blacks were not "smart enough" or "too dumb" to play the position of quarterback, arguably the most important position on the football field.  I have seen firsthand Black quarterbacks play the position all of their lives, even through college, and then get to the NFL and get converted to another position like wide receiver or running back.

Another place where color should not matter is in the military.  Do Blacks and Whites shoot machine guns differently?  I do not think so but 87 years ago a War College Study said Blacks were unfit for combat; that we were inferior and cowardly.  Ironically, today the Commander-in-Chief of our Armed Services is Black!!

Have I been told I could not be something, do something, have something because I was Black?  More times than you would care to know.  Am I alone, am I the only Black person who has ever been told that they could not because of they were Black?  Not even close!

Four years ago, a man named Barack Obama (he was not the President yet so bear with me) rose through the ranks and came onto the radar of millions who probably never heard of Mr. Obama, and became the Democratic Presidential Nominee.  Here is a man that has a beautiful family, a gorgeous wife (whom he has never cheated on), two pretty daughters, plays basketball, drinks beer, and has an addiction to cigarettes.  Outside of the cigarettes, this is a guy that I can aspire to want to be like; this is a guy I can sit down and feel like I can invite into my living room to have a beer; this is a guy I feel like I can go play ball with and he can ACTUALLY play.  Here is a guy who grew up in the type of neighborhoods I grew up in and it is likely he has had to face the same racist, bigoted hatred I have had to face.

His politics did not really matter to me because Barack Obama represented something more than just becoming the President of the United States.  And I am not downplaying that position in any way but Barack was about to transcend and change history; he was about to change the way Blacks were seen to the world.  Understand, up until 2008, there was never anyone of color who had a real chance of becoming President.  A win would change perceptions and stereotypes, at least that was the hope.  Barack would change the thought that Blacks were unfit or not smart enough...because you have to be pretty darn fit and intelligent to be President despite popular opinion.  He would change the image of the Black family; no longer would it be a single mother and multiple children with no father in the picture.  Barack would show the world that a Black man could get married, have children, stay with the mother and raise the kids.  He showed, is showing, that this is possible!  Barack will allow me to honestly tell my children that they can be ANYTHING they want to be in the world and there are NO exceptions.  He will show our children that it is okay and cool to be smart, wear your pants at your waist, and not have to rely on sports to change your situation but to use education to help create change. Barack was not just becoming the President, he was changing history, he was creating hope, and he was restoring faith.

As a grown man I see a lot of attributes in President Obama that I aspire to have or obtain that he exhibits everyday.  He demonstrates leadership, poise, calmness, restraint, intelligence, integrity, and transparency.  I emphasize restraint because I have never seen a sitting President so disrespected more in my life than I have seen with President Obama.  From the time the Congressman yelled out "liar" during a speech to the lady pointing her finger in his face when he was about to get on the plane to the multitude of nasty names he is called daily out in the open.  At one point he was called "N*gger" so often I thought that it was his middle name.  But you hear people say that racism has disappeared because we elected a Black President.  I can't tell!

So yes, in 2008 I proudly voted for President Obama because he was Black. And yes, in 2012, I voted for President Obama again.  Does this mean that I agree with everything that he did or did not do the last four years.  HECK NO!!!  President Obama could do a better job working with the Republicans.  I went to a post-election analysis with Charlie Cook and Stu Rothenberg and they stated that out of the 140+ golf games President Obama played in the last four years, he only played with 2 other Congressman.  Out of the 40+ basketball games President Obama had at the White House, maybe 10 other Congressman participated.  President Obama is not "playing" well with others and he needs to do a better job in that area.

President Obama is not perfect and neither am I but at the end of the day, I voted for the man that I felt I had the most in common.  I voted for the man that I knew would help create more hope and faith for our youth.  I voted for a man that I felt deep down he would do his best to create a better America and for that I do not apologize.

Monday, June 4, 2012

"That's Ghetto"

As a high school basketball coach at a private school, I have to actively go out and search for new talent.  This requirement sends me out to watch young boys play in tournaments all over the area from all over the country.  About two Saturdays ago I was in Bowie, Maryland watching a team from DC/PG County play against another team from Baltimore.  I rarely say anything about a child out loud because I am surrounded by parents who are often ear-hustling to see what I will say about their child so I generally keep my thoughts to myself.

During this particular game, I was seated next to a mother who had tattoos all over her body.  When I say all over her body, I am not exaggerating! There was not a limb, toe, finger, ear, etc. that was etched in ink.  She was a very sweet woman though and very informed.  Her son played for the Baltimore team who lost a close game.  Well, another parent of the opposing team walked past the mother I was sitting next to and said, "I am so glad we beat those ghetto kids..."

I was definitely thrown back from her comment because it was a basketball game and I am not sure what those young boys did to portray "ghetto" and she definitely offended the mother next to me.  She was so offended she jumped up in the woman's face and told her "Don't you ever disrespect those kids by calling them ghetto, they are not ghetto!"

It got me to thinking, why were they being called ghetto? Because they were from Baltimore city, a city considered to be high-crime and littered with slums?  Is Baltimore city considered ghetto because of the low economic levels of the people living there?

The word ghetto is a noun and it is defined as:

  1. a section of a city, especially a thickly populated slum area, inhabited predominantly by members of an ethnic or other minority group, often as a result of social or economic restrictions, pressures, or hardships
  2. a section of a city in a which all Jews were required to live
  3. a section predominantly inhabited by Jews
  4. any mode of living, working, etc., that results from stereotyping or biased treatment
As a an adjective, it means:
  1. pertaining to or characteristic of life in a ghetto or the people who live there
  2. noting something that is considered to be unrefined, low-class, cheap or inferior
So now I think of all the times someone says:

"That is so ghetto!"

"She is so ghetto..."

"That restaurant is so ghetto..."

We hear these things all the time and I think of what that mother was saying about those kids; she was saying they were low-class or inferior.  I would be very upset if another parent said that about my child also especially after a basketball game.  And of course it can be deduced that she only said that because of the name on the front of their jersey said "Baltimore."  

Prior to the gentrification of most of our nation's largest cities (NYC, DC, Chicago, etc), the majority of your ghettos resided in these cities and were inhabited by minorities, most of the time, Blacks.  And within these ghettos, a culture a existed that created pastimes that are not always socially "accepted" by society as a whole.  

Items like quarter-waters, syrup sandwiches, fried bologna, etc. and public assistance, aka food stamps, public transportation like the bus or the underground (train) were staples in these communities.  I guess because these communities were considered low-class in a very class-defined society and anything that hits the mainstream from these communities is low-class, thus ghetto.  Is that fair?

Maybe I am just overreacting...

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Rape, The Other Victim

"Knock! Knock"

Someone knocking on my door on a Saturday morning was a rarity in my neighborhood and you never did so unannounced.  My Father answers the door and there standing is a young lady and her Father.  My Father, Mr. George Moore, politely asked in his Barry White voice, "Good Morning, what can I do for you today?"

The other Father said, "Yes, my name is Mr. X and I would like to speak to you about the rape of my daughter by your son."  My Mother and I overheard this and I think both of our faces fell to the floor.  George invited the gentleman in with his daughter and sat them on our couch.  George and my Mother, Shelli, sat on one couch, the Father and daughter on the other while I sat on the stairs in plain site.

Rewind about 10 hours ago:

I get a beep from this girl that has been telling me for the past few weeks in school she wants to sex me.  I was 16 and still a virgin; all of my friends had been engaging in sexual acts for "years" now so I literally was the Last of the Mohicans.  I was captain on the basketball team and a pretty popular person in and outside my school and even though sex was not openly talked about, you knew who was doing it and who was not.  My friends knew I was still a virgin but it was not public knowledge.  At one point, they tried to de-virginize me by basically throwing a girl onto me but I did not want it to go down this way, I wanted to lose my virginity my way.

I was not expecting some nice planned out situation to lose it but I did not want to turn it into some sort of bartering exchange of goods and services.  So I finally took this young lady up on her offer and told her to beep me Friday night when she was ready to do the do.  Now, I am only 16 and I still live at home so it is not like I had a spot to take her to nor did I have the money for a cheap motel.  So I did what any young, horny teenager would do in this situation, we did the do in my hooptie!

She beeped me late in the evening and that was the signal for me to come pick her up from her house.  She would sneak out (her parents were very strict) and we would go and park in the park.  We did what we wanted to do and I was no longer a virgin.  I took her home and she would sneak back into her home.

Well apparently she did not do a good job because she was at my house the next morning accusing me of rape!

Back to Saturday Morning:

"Your son raped my daughter last night and I want to know what you are going to do about it..." the Father said to George.  George, without hesitation, responded, "My son would never rape your daughter or any other women.  I would like to hear from your daughter what happened and my son will explain the events of this 'alleged' rape."

At this point, George nor my Mother ever asked me if I raped anybody and they did not have to.  They raised me and knew what I was fully capable of.  I was no angel as a kid growing up but if you knew me, you knew I was never capable of rape.

Both sides told their story and eventually the young lady broke down and told the truth to her Father.  She admitted to lying about being raped because she did not want to get in trouble for sneaking out of the house. She admitted the sex was consensual and that I never forced her to do anything.  Her Father stood up like a man and graciously apologized to my family and I and they left.  Immediately, my house went back to normal with everyone doing what they were doing like this episode never happened.  To this day, we have never spoken about this incident.

Today, 2012:

I think about the young man, Brian Banks, who was recently exonerated for the alleged rape he was accused of committing his senior year in high school.  His accuser was caught on tape admitting she was never raped and was scared to come forward for fear of losing the $1.5 million her and her family won in a civil suit based on this lie.

Kudos to Brian Banks for not wanting to choke the life out of this woman he actually sat across from while recording her confession.  Cheers to Brian for not wanting to take any legal action against his accuser, Wanetta Gibson, or pursue any civil action against her for the pain and suffering and the loss of a football scholarship to USC.  A round of applause goes to Brian for letting go the hurt, vengeance, and the need to revenge this dreadful act.

But there are some other issues that need to be addressed and understood before this is an open and shut case.  What about the women out there who are really raped? This makes it even harder for them to come forward without the fear of being told they were lying or convinced that it was consensual.  Someone on the hill needs to pass a law that false accusations of rape should result in the conviction of the "accuser" and be punished to the full extent.

Brian Banks is still a registered sex offender.  Although he has been exonerated, "sex offender" will be attached to every job application he submits.  How does a man who did nothing wrong start over in a society that deems him a menace?  He cannot get those years back so that is a forgone conclusion.  If he is lucky, he may still get a shot at playing football at the collegiate level if a compassionate coach gives him a chance.  And how do you even begin to fix the psychological effects prison has on a young man?

Speaking of psyche, and this is what affected me the most also, how do you go forward and trust women completely?  As a man, you are taught that "No" means "No" and anything that happens after that is considered a violation.  I have even taken it a step further and made it a rule to never have sex with a woman if she is intoxicated, unless she is my girlfriend and/or wife.  How can you prevent yourself from second-guessing the motives of a woman especially if you have something to lose?

When a woman lies about being raped, the victim is not just the person being accused.  Every woman this man encounters from this point on maybe dealing with a man with trust issues.  If untreated, this man could move forward but still have unhealthy relationships with women because a woman betrayed him at a young, impressionable age.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Barbershop: A Black Man's Country Club

Saturday Morning. Eddie Norris' phone rings. "Wassup Jay!" I give Eddie my usual, "What it do playa, are you in the shop?" Ed always says, "I got two and then you so come on thru..." and then I tell the biggest and most notorious lie every Black man has told at least once in his life, "I will be there in five minutes!"

Half hour, maybe 45 minutes later, I arrive at Changing Faces Barbershop in the Northeast section of DC right next to Catholic University.  I walk in to my version of "Cheers" and give a "What's Up" and some dap to all barbers in the shop and a pleasant hello to the stylists in the back that keep our ladies looking beautiful!

"Cliff, what's up...What's up Jay. Tommy...Jay, you know I got the Celtics in the finals!? Big Mike...What's up Jay. Rudy, how are you young man...How are you today Jay? Mark, What's up...my man Jay what's up!? Mel, you staying out of trouble?...yea Jay, this week I am! Ed, What it do baby?...my man Jay! Ladies in the back, Good Morning! Hey Vash, Hey Shawn...Good Morning Jay!!!!"  I then take a seat in an open chair like I am at home, which I am, and proceed to engage all in any topic worthy of "arguing" over from the last week.

This happens every Saturday morning and it has been a ritual in my life as long as I have been alive.  Like most men, I have only had a handful of barbers in my lifetime and can name them all.  And they all know me, no I am sorry, they all KNOW ME!  It is actually conceivable for a man to have the same barber all of his life if he does not move and this is normal.  The Barber is the most personal person to a man outside of his immediate family.  The Barber is not just a barber; he is a friend, confidant, psychologist, oracle, mind-reader, and anything else you need him or her to be that day.  The Barber is the creator of "the look" a man presents to the world.  Any special event, preparation starts with a haircut.  A haircut can literally change how a man feels and can do wonders to his confidence.

The Barbershop is a microcosm of the Black community and it is a place where you can be yourself and truth is always expected.  I always tell women, you want to understand the psyche of a man, go to the Barbershop and just listen.  If you become brave, ask a question, you will get an answer!

The Barbershop is everything to everyone; you never know who you are going to meet, you never know what will be discussed, and if you ever need something, somebody in the Barbershop is going to be able to help you or know someone that can.  If you need a TV, a mechanic, a doctor, lawyer, you want to buy a house, rent your condo, dance lessons, tutoring, sell products, buy products, you can do it all in the Barbershop.  The Barbershop is Craig's List, Ebay, USA Today, ESPN, BET and the Yellowpages all in one.

I can remember one Saturday morning recently where one of the stylist was very passionate about the Trayvon Martin case and of course a discussion surrounding the events of that tragic case ensued.  It just so happened that a Metropolitan Cop, a lawyer (graduate of Howard Law School), and some others in law enforcement were in the shop and they were able to educate all of us on the nuances of the law, in particular Florida law, gun laws, and the politics of the entire situation.  I learned more that morning about the law and the Martin case than all of the internet sites, TV clips, and newspaper articles combined.

It hit me while driving home from the Barbershop that this is the only Black-owned establishment where I spend money.  When I look at my monthly spend and where I spend, the Barbershop is the only place Black-owned where I contribute to the circulation of money in the Black community.  I will put this in perspective; studies have shown that the dollar circulates in the Asian community for 28 days before it is spent with outsiders.  The Jewish community has a circulation of 19 days, the White community, 17 days, and in the Black community, six (6) hours.  Yes, not sixteen days, not six days, but SIX HOURS!!!

What does this mean? It means that the $20 I give to my barber will eventually be spent to buy him lunch next door at the soul food spot owned by Asians.  The irony in that, soul food being prepared and sold by Asians but I digress.  It means that the owner, Mark, has to pay his leasing agreement to someone who is not Black.  This means that we have a lot of work to do!

I work downtown and my building has a Grooming Lounge on the first floor.  If you have never heard of Grooming Lounge, it is a spa of sorts just for men.  You can go there and get a haircut, shoe shine, massage, etc all in one visit.  They have packages for all their services or you can buy them a la carte.  A haircut is $50 but it includes a foot massage.  The general manager knows me because I go in there once a week to get my shoes shined.  And almost every time I go in there, she always tries to sell me on buying more of their services, especially a haircut.

I considered going to the Grooming Lounge.  I have even asked myself why do I spend $20 a week for a haircut I can easily do myself?  The answers came easily; the Barbershop is an institution in my life that cannot be replaced nor can I ever go without.  I need the Barbershop for all that it offers and all that it has given me in my lifetime.  The Barbershop needs me not just for my money but the "community" I bring every week that makes it the special place that it is.

The Barbershop is my country club...

Monday, May 14, 2012

Humble, Yes A Bad Word

Humble is a versatile word that takes on somewhat different meanings depending on how it is being used.  For example, if I say "In my humble opinion" or "IMHO", for all of those who do not like to write actual phrases anymore, the word humble here means "courteously respectful." So instead of calling the person a freaking idiot and telling them they are outright wrong, you extend some courtesy and respect and let them know in a nice manner that you think their opinion is not correct.

Then there is the other way it is often used; we tend to say things like:

"In the presence of greatness, I felt very humble"

"I come from humble beginnings..."

or my least favorite

"You need to humble yourself!"

In the first example, humble means "having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience." Really, inferior? The next example means "low in rank, importance, status, quality." Wow, my beginnings are of low quality and rank????  The last example means "to lower in condition, importance, dignity; to destroy the independence, power, or will of; to make meek."  I have to lower and/or destroy myself, yes, that's what that statement means!

Thank goodness for mentors because I have been using this word for so long and now I know that it is a bad word.  You know they say the "Pledge Process" is supposed to be a humbling experience? Yea, you know the pledge process for Black Greek Lettered Organizations that are meant to "breakdown" then "build back up" our young people and "humble" them.  This is the same process that currently places potential members into hospitals with permanent physical and emotional injuries and scars and sometimes has lead to death.  Yea, so much for a good example of a "humbling" experience!

You really have to think about what it means when a person says that you need to "humble" yourself.  What are they really saying? Are they saying I need to not be so proud of who I am or my accomplishments? Are they saying I need to feel inferior or less important? Do they want me to be powerless and less independent in my thoughts and actions?

I hope not because what this word (when used like the examples above) tells me is that the person telling me to "humble" myself is afraid of me; they are afraid to be happy for me and who I am and what I have accomplished.  They want me to join them in their misery and/or failures.  Or maybe they are just jealous and are too proud to say, hey, "I am proud of you!"

Maybe I am wrong and over-exaggerating but I will tell you this much, it is not a good idea to ever say that word to me again!  I will not get angry if it is said to me but I will definitely explore the feelings of the person thinking I should lower myself and not be proud of who I am.

Monday, May 7, 2012

The Attitude of Winning

This past week we all learned of the passing of Junior Seau, famous linebacker of the San Diego Chargers and New England Patriots who died of suicide.    Suicide is a definitive act, the sign of ultimate defeat.  I always wonder why ex-athletes commit suicide and then it hit me like a ton of bricks! What happens to a person that is used to winning in one area in their life but cannot win anywhere else?

In any sport, if you are used to winning, it becomes a habit, like breathing. You win so often a winning "attitude" develops and this attitude helps create other "winning" habits.  Winners practice a certain way, they prepare a certain, they perform a certain way.  Those ways are reflective of the winning attitude that the athlete possesses.   Even if they lose, they do not feel defeated because a loss is not permanent; it is seen as something that will occasionally happen  but it will never become the status quo.  This is how a winner thinks and acts and this attitude translates into every part of life.

The successful CEO who constantly sees growth within their company, profits always increasing, products evolving.  That is the sign of a winner.  The soccer mom who manages the hectic schedule of her kids, maintains a home, while being a great wife.  She is a winner!! Winning is not something that just happens and it really is not always luck.  A winner will say it was not luck but Laboring Under Correct Knowledge!  What knowledge would that be? A winner knows how to win in any situation because of the good habits already established in order to win.

Ever hear someone say "I need a win right now in my life" or "I am feeling defeated"?  This person has lost so many times it is started to affect their mental state; losing is starting to become a habit for them and it engulfs their life.  Losing a game, a failed marriage, a business collapsing are all examples of a loss but more importantly, they could be the product of a losing attitude.  There have been plenty of stories where a person has been knocked down and they get right back up and win again.  But what about that person who cannot get up, they stay down because they cannot get up, and they do not know how to get back up?

Winning is not just an action but an attitude, a state of mind that is adopted over a period of time.  Losing is also a mindset that can be seen as a temporary occurrence or long-term state of being.  Both are adopted by just simply making the choice and doing what it takes to be either. Feeling defeated is definitive and it is the act of giving up on winning.

People who often commit suicide because they feel defeated.  If you told yourself you have given up on relationships, you are feeling defeated.  If you ever feel like you are constantly losing and you just need a "win," you maybe close to feeling defeated.

I coach basketball and when a shooter is in a slump, I tell them do not stop shooting or just get yourself a layup.  You just need to see the ball go into the basket and achieve that small "win."  In life, we all need an occasional small win but we to know how to get that small win and appreciate it.  Life is not a sprint but a marathon and sometimes the little "wins" will eventually translate into one big one.  You just have to keep the right attitude!

Monday, April 23, 2012

Any Volunteers?

Can you name this coach?

This person changed his/her respective sport along the lines of what Jackie Robinson did for baseball.  This person has the coaching acumen of a Phil Jackson, the tenacity to win like a Michael Jordan, and only second to the "Wizard of Westwood", John Wooden in number of championships won.  This person was named the Naismith Basketball Coach of the CENTURY in April 2000 and is the all-time winningest  coach in NCAA basketball history of either a men's or women's team in any division with 1098 victories.

This coach won a gold medal as a player in the 1975 Pan American Games. In addition, won a Silver Medal as a player in the 1976 Montreal Summer Olympics and then won the Gold Medal as a coach in the 1984 Los Angeles Summer Olympics.  This person coached for 38 years for the same team!!!

With this person at the helm, this team was a:

  • 16-time Conference Champion
  • 16-time Conference Tournament Champion
  • 8-time Conference Coach of the Year
  • 7-time NCAA Coach of the Year
  • 8-time NCAA National Champion
This coach has been inducted into numerous Halls of Fame, named to Sporting News' list of the 50 greatest coaches of all time in all sports (MLB, NBA, NFL, NHL, college basketball, and college football), has not one but TWO courts named after him/her, a street named after him/her and was given the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Barack Obama in 2012.

This coach holds records such as:
  • Most seasons coached without a losing record - 38 seasons
  • Most consecutive postseason appearances - 38 seasons
  • Most wins in NCAA postseason play - 109
  • Most NCAA Final Four appearances - 16
  • Most 20-win seasons - 36, all consecutive
  • Most 30-win seasons - 20
If you have not figured it out by now, the coach I am referring to goes by the name Pat Summit.  Pat redefined women's collegiate basketball while becoming an ambassador for the men's and women's game.  While only coaching for the University of Tennessee Volunteers, she was asked not once but twice by the Athletic Director to coach the men's team.

In August 2011, Pat Summit was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's disease which has forced her to step down as the Head Coach of the Lady Volunteers after 38 years at the helm.  She will remain with the team as Head Coach Emeritus but will not be allowed to sit on the team bench during games.  

I know I am not alone when I say that Pat's face, even better her now-famous scowl she gave any player or referee within 94 feet, will be sorely missed on the sideline.  It will feel like something is missing because when you think of women's college basketball, the first name that comes to mind is Pat Summit.  Although her coaching has come to an abrupt end, her legacy will continue through the 45 players who have become coaches under her watch.

I am writing about a woMAN in regards to a sport a MAN invented (Naismith) because looking at the aforementioned statistics, she has coached the game better than any man will ever!!!  And if these stats are not convincing enough, how about this one: EVERY LADY VOL PLAYER who has ever played for Pat Summit has completed their eligibility and graduated with a degree from the University of Tennessee.  Name me another coach who can say the same, who can say every player they have coached has graduated, man or woman? Don't worry, I will wait!!!!!!

The landscape of the men's game has become so bad, it is a miracle if a player stays all four years and if he graduates, it is by the Grace of God.  Pat Summit took a program that was nothing from the start and built it into arguably the top program in women's basketball and she did it without ever being accused of cheating or breaking any NCAA rules and then had the nerve, the audacity to graduate every player she coached for 38 years!

Thank you Pat Summit for everything you have given to the game of basketball. You are a true representation of excellence, integrity, honesty, grace, love of the game.

As a man and a basketball coach, I will go on record and say the men have a long ways to go before we reach this SUMMIT!!!  

Monday, April 16, 2012

Emancipation Edition - I'm Offended!

***Walks into room, steps up onto soapbox, hits the mic 3 times, "Is This Thing On!!"***

Apparently there are a lot of people, in particular Black folks, upset with a new Burger King ad she did but has since been pulled.  Well, some of you are probably asking why, why are we up in arms about a black woman singing about chicken? Let me give my perspective...

At one point in U.S. History, Black folks were stereotyped and ridiculed in public via "black-face" and other forms of entertainment.  Black folks were made fun of for eating chicken, watermelon and other 'slave' foods.  A lot of people, particularly in the older generations, are often offended by such satire and it is understandable.

I will go on record and say I like chicken; I like it fried, baked, in a salad, blackened, burnt, and any other way you can have chicken.  I even eat watermelon occasionally and I am not ashamed to say it.  So I do understand the uproar but let me ask you this, is it really that big of a tragedy that Mary J. Blige is singing about chicken?

I am going to go out on a limb and say no BUT I will talk about what offends me:

1.  REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA

2.  PANTS BELOW THE BUTT (men and women)

3.  THE CONSTANT DISRESPECT SHOWN TO OUR PRESIDENT

4.  THE INABILITY TO FORM A COHERENT SENTENCE

5.  LOVE & HIP HOP

This list could go on and on but you get the point.  If Burger King wants to pay MJB a couple of million to harmonize about some food the majority of us love to eat, I do not see the big deal.  I do have an issue with a person who is up and arms about MJB but will go home and tune in to the newest episode of Real Housewives!  Really? You are mad at MJB but that mockery of a show that puts all Black women in a negative light you will support?

If you do not support MJB and you do not support such coonery like the Housewives then we are ok but you cannot pick and choose what you want to support.  Either you are with us or against us!

***Drops Mic***

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Mo'ney In The Middle, Conclusion

If you did not read part one of this series, just click here so you can catch up!

After posting last week's blog, some interesting perceptions and insight were posted and they were much appreciated.  I felt as though this was an important topic to address after some "incidents" in my life and hearing about the missteps of some of my friends and associates.  And to add insult to injury, being a man and never knowing or understanding the language, thought processes, or perspectives of women, we are left in complete and utter darkness trying to figure out what we did wrong?  Once we figure out what we did wrong, oftentimes it is too late.

Why is Jane fed up? Does she have a right to be angry at this point? If there is an issue, what is it exactly and how can John or any other man, for that matter, do better in a situation like this?

***Some of the following information I obtained directly from the female gender***

Yes, Jane has a right to be fed up! John created an expectation that he could maintain the financial "transactions" he was making.  It is not like Jane gave John an ultimatum upfront that said he must pay for everything and everywhere they went had to be the best of the best.  No, John made the choice and decided to take that route.  John decided on the locations for dinner, he bought the tickets to the play, he paid for the weekend trip.  John created a small picture of what it would be like to be with him and Jane was paying close attention.

From a male point of view, John was doing what we, as men, thought all women wanted: to be wine & dined, wooed and courted.  Common sense to us is the understanding that this does not sustain itself, it is just part of the process.  Eventually, it does slow down, adjusts, or stops.  But it does not stop completely but maybe it does not continue with such intensity and high finance!

The Lesson to be learned....

Listening to my female counterparts, when a man starts dating a woman, she is not necessarily ready to get married tomorrow but she is interested in trying to find a partner she can be with long term.  This "search" intensifies as a woman ages.  A man has to realize and communicate upfront who he is, what he is, and what he wants and expects.  Maybe the woman should do the same but that is up for the debate.

Men have to understand that during this "search", the woman is paying to your character, how you treat the server, the amount of money you spend, if you open doors; the woman is paying attention to the complete man so everything is being examined and scoped.   Men can sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that the woman stuck around because he was great in bed when in reality, that could be a reason but it is a small portion of the whole.  She stuck around because the total package that was presented to her while being courted was appealing.

I can say this much, I do not have it all figured out and it is truly not this simple and there are many other variables not taken into account but this is a start.  There is a serious dysfunction in regards to dating going on these days and it needs to be addressed.  The divorce rate is at a smooth 50% right now if not higher and it does not seem it is going to get better.  A very wise person told me this one day, "Women pick boyfriends, men pick wives."

It starts with the ladies and ends with the men so we all have to step up!!!

SPEAK OUT!

Monday, April 2, 2012

Mo'ney In The Middle, Part One

Here is the scenario:

John meets Jane at a bar.  He spotted her across the room and immediately was smitten by her beauty.  John approaches her and offers to buy her a drink, as any gentleman would do.  They drink and laugh, laugh and drink, John and Jane have a good time and decide to go on a first date.

John picks her up and they go to a four-star restaurant and he picks up the bill.  Jane knows dinner was probably expensive but John is single, good job, nice car so he could probably afford it.  Once again, they have a good time and decide to go out the following weekend.

John takes Jane to a Shakespeare play, another dinner at a four-star restaurant and then they go dancing.  John pays for the entire night.  Now they both really like each other and they are spending a lot of time together on the phone, texting, etc.

Week 3, John takes Jane to a Black-tie gala which included dinner and they danced the night away.  At this point, Jane is thinking she can get used to this.  Jane has been on a few dates with John and she has not paid for a thing and she is really starting to fall for John.

Week 4, John surprises Jane and takes her on a weekend trip to Atlantic City where they stay in the penthouse suite at Caesar's.  They are treated like royalty and Jane is now falling hard for John.

Two weeks later, Jane decides to take John out; they hit the movies, dinner, and dancing and the whole night was on her.  John is feeling good about himself!  By this time, John and Jane are an item, they are going "steady."

Everything is going well but Jane has started to notice that all the things John was doing, he is not doing so much anymore.  Jane asked John "why don't we go on another weekend trip?"  John responds, "I do not have the money for that right now, I just had to get my car repaired."  Jane understands and does not revisit the topic.

Some more weeks go by and the best Jane is receiving as far as a date is a movie and McDonald's afterwards. Jane finally says something to John in a tactful manner; she asked if they could go to one of her favorite four-star restaurants next week.  John tells her he cannot afford it right now, money is tight.  At this point, Jane is fed up and about ready to leave John.

Why is Jane fed up?  Does she have a right to be angry at this point?


If there is an issue, what is it exactly and how can John or any other man, for that matter, do better in a situation like this?


Answers and other explanations to these questions will be addressed in next week's blog entry but for now I would love to hear from you!!!!!!



Monday, March 26, 2012

Soul Train's Last Stop...

I think this year's Black History Month was the worse ever, at least for me. Last month we lost the legendary Whitney Houston and the reclusive, but trend-setting Don Cornelius, founder and producer of the "Hippest Trip In America", Soul Train. 

As a person you will always remember certain things about your childhood, things you grew up on and will be a staple in your memory, Soul Train was one of those.  I remember watching Soul Train EVERY Saturday; Soul Train was like an institution, it was as common to the Black Diaspora as Sunday Dinner and Big Momma!

Everybody who was anybody who wanted to reach out to the Black market went on Soul Train.  God rest his soul, James Brown appeared in 1972 and could not believe that Don Cornelius was the man behind the Train!!!  Often called the "the black Dick Clark," Don Cornelius was somewhat of an introvert with very few real friends.  He came from a humble background in the Southside of Chicago, a Vietnam vet, he went into broadcasting and then founded Soul Train.  The Rev Jesse Jackson said "Don gave people a chance to feel good about themselves...He's right up there with any civil rights leader of our generation..."

Soul Train changed the landscape of music and expanded the fanbase of a lot of musicians.  Smokey Robinson and Stevie Wonder, regulars on the Soul Train, talked about how their record sales exploded after making appearances.  Simply put, Don "had a burning desire to see black people depicted on television in a positive light." 

Much like most of the TV shows, organizations, Hollywood, etc that neglected Blacks throughout the 20th Century, Soul Train was modeled after the very popular American Bandstand but promoted artists like James Brown, Jackson Five, Marvin Gaye, Aretha Franklin, Stevie Wonder, and Smokey Robinson. Don understood the importance of ownership within the Black community and wanted something for Blacks that no one could take away!

Despite the difficulty in securing advertising, even into its last days, its popularity grew in each of its 35 years in syndication (the longest running syndicated show ever on TV).  The artists that appeared on Soul Train and those that got their big break there (O'Jays, Destiny's Child, etc) were only a small part of what made Soul Train a permanent staple in the Black culture for years to come. 

When you are at a wedding, outside of the Electric Slide, what HAS to happen before the wedding is officially over?  That is right, you guessed it (you better had!), a Soul Train Line!!!  The famous Soul Train line where 2 lines were formed, one for the males and the other for the females, and they would "dance" their way down the line.  As a kid, I learned all the latest dance moves like the crazy penguin, the robot and this is where Michael Jackson learned how to the the moonwalk.  That is right, Michael Jackson learned the moonwalk from the Soul Train dancers. Click here for a Soul Train line sample featuring a song by Whitney Houston! 

Speaking of the soul train dancers, people like Rosie Perez, Darnell Williams, Carmen Electra, Nick Cannon, MC Hammer, Jermaine Stewart, Fred "Rerun" Berry, Pebbles, and Walter Payton started off, lived on, or appeared at least once as a Soul Train dancer and went on to other endeavors as a result of being on the show.  The famous R&B group Shalamar was formed by Soul Train dancers Jody Watley, Jeffery Daniel and another crooner by the name of Howard Hewitt.

And what about the Soul Train Scramble Board!!! Now I am not saying the dancers were not smart, but they NEVER misspelled a name on the scramble board in all 35 years!!!  You know what else Soul Train did no one really talks about, Soul Train was one of the very few shows that had  commercials for Black-owned businesses like AfroSheen and Ebony magazine.

Here is Whitney Houston on Soul Train performing "How Will I Know"  I think one of my favorite performances on Soul Train (and I do have many) was when New Edition performed "If It Isn't Love" and they were in all black!!! 

As the last Soul Train pulled into the station, I want to say thank you Don for providing a voice and a vehicle for Black artists at a time when Black artists were not getting the play or recognition for the wonderful music they were putting out. Thank you Don for providing a lane for Black-owned businesses to advertise their products.  Thank you Don for providing opportunities outside of your show for people who appeared on your show and made it what it was.  Thank you Don for being a resource for new fashion, fads, and the hottest new dance moves.  Thank you Don for being a Gentleman, an entrepreneur, and a role model that lived out your dreams and showed the rest of Black America they could live out theirs without selling out, being someone they are not, or acting a fool and doing anything for a dollar. Thank you Don Cornelius and I want to do one more thing...

I WISH YOU LOVE, PEACE, AND SOOUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Word Play...

I would first like to go on record and say the young man Trayvon Martin was MURDERED! Yea, that about sums that up, no discussion needed.  If you do not know what I am talking about, just google the name and 40 articles will appear.

Now, I am not perfect in any way, shape or form but I have to go on a small rant here and talk about some words that are either misused or misspelled or just simply have been overused to the point where you cringe when you hear it.

Words misused or misspelled:

1. "There", "Their" and "They're" - there is a difference: there refers to a place or a direction.  E.g., I am sitting over thereTheir refers to possession. E.g., Someone left their book on the table.  They're is a contraction for two words, they and are.  E.g., They're going is the same as They are going. 

I constantly see people mixup these up, especially "there" and "their"....

2.  "Lose", "Loser", "Loose", and "Looser" - Lose is a verb and generally refers to a sporting event or misplacing a noun. E.g. to lose a sister, I lost my hat. Loser is noun that does the verb part of the word lose.  E.g. The Heat lost to the Knicks so Lebron is a loserLoose means unbound, free.  E.g. to wear her hair loose Looser is a form of loose. E.g. can you make the rope a little looser

I always see these mixed up for whatever reason and it drives me nuts!!!

3.  "Where" and "Wear" - Where is an adverb that talks about a place. E.g. where is the bank?  Wear is a verb and usually talks about items of clothing.  E.g. I am wearing a suit today at work.

 
Words that should be retired:

1.  Swag or Swagger - first off, the general population does not even know what this really means but it is continuously being used in the most ill-mannered way.  Swag or Swagger is multifaceted and it means a person that possesses Style, Confidence, AND Manners.  I think people just apply swag when the person has style and confidence but the crucial piece is manners.  Apply manners and those we say have "swag" fall out of the category immediately!  Either way, it should be retired!

2.  Irregardless - simply put, IT IS NOT A WORD!  It is considered a double negative, let it go people!

3.  Wretched versus Ratchet - the use of these words is not only becoming unbearable, but one is being used in place of the other and they mean two totally different things!  So first, if you are going to use this word to describe something, an adjective, please use "wretched".  Second, how bout we just do not use either one at all.  Thanks!

As stated, I am not perfect but I at least try to get the basics and so to help those around me or if you know someone who needs to read this, just send them this link and just tell them to read.  This is the polite way of saying your word usage SUCKS and here is why, so change! without really saying it. 

If you know anymore words misused or overused, please feel free to add on!!!

Monday, March 5, 2012

A Lost Generation

It was a sunny Saturday morning and I was finishing up cleaning the house. If you grew up back in the day, you remember you had to clean up the entire house; you were your parents private cleaning service except you worked for free!  Another tradition for my parents is that they would walk to the corner store and pick-up 3-4 newspapers they would read for the rest of the morning.  Well, this particularly Saturday turned into the "Saturday from hell" for me. 

See, every morning before school I would walk into this corner store and steal candy for the day.  I did not have any money but I wanted some Reese Cups to eat at lunchtime so I would steal a pack or two.  Well, the workers in the store caught on to me coming into the store every morning and not buying anything so when I did come in, one of them would go behind the refrigeration area where the drinks were kept and look at me five-finger discount some candy.  In all my genius, I did not realize that those were GLASS DOORS to the refrigerated drinks so you could clearly see out into the entire store.

They never called the police but they waited to talk to my parents because of course, back in the day, in your neighborhood everybody knew everybody and you were a child of the neighborhood.  They would have probably beat me if they had access to some belts, quiet as it is kept!  So, my Mom came back from the store that morning and immediately called my Dad to the living room.  My Mother told my Father that the lady at the corner store has been waiting to see one of us to inform us that our son has been stealing candy from them for the last two weeks.  Yea, my life just ended!

My Father grabbed the big leather belt (the one that look like it came straight off a horse's ass), ordered me to my room where he promptly closed the window and shut the blinds (so the neighbors or neighborhood for that matter did not hear me yelling for my life), and then I got my butt promptly whooped!  Not one of my better moments and the worse part, I could not even lay down on my own arse because it was bleeding internally.

I have not even stolen a kiss from that day on.  Fast forward, I read an article where a couple of kids tried to kill their fifth grade teacher with rat poisoning.  That is correct...hold on, I will wait for your reaction!

Do not worry, I am still waiting!

Yea, that is correct, three fifth grade students attempted to poison their teacher.  And they did it because "they didnt like the teacher...she was too strict."  Like seriously, if I ever...hold on, back up, one time I did something I was not supposed to be doing and I got hymned up by the cops (yea, I fractured a few laws here and there when I was young, DONT JUDGE ME!) and the cop wanted my parents phone number. I refused to give it to them and instructed them to take me to jail, it would be safer! I told them my Dad might (actually, he would) shoot me if he knew what I did so please, just take me to jail! Unfortunately, these bonehead cops called my parents anyway. You would think taking me to jail would have been easier!!

You want to know why three kids tried to kill their teacher.  In the immortal words of Bernie Mac, "because we some PUNKASS parents" that is why!  Kids have way too many rights and they know they are able to get away with just about anything because the state along with Child Protective Services has deemed it illegal to discipline your child.  But where is CPS when three kids try to murder their teacher? 

These kids have a sense of entitlement that is beyond reason, they do not appreciate anything, and you cannot even look at them wrong or you will be in handcuffs.  Well, I got news for you, my child is not going to kill me! Bill Cosby said it best, "I brought you in this world, I will take you out!" 

You are probably asking at this moment what all of this has to do with Man Code?  Well, my parents instilled in me it just is not right to steal, lie, or cheat.  If you have to cheat, take the F; tell the truth and be man enough to take the consequences and if you have to steal, you did not need it in the first place.  I was taught to always respect my elders and to always give it my best shot.  If I failed, get back up and try again.  I was never rewarded for fifth place so I was encouraged to be the best and then get the spoils.  These "small" lessons have become a part of who I am and provide a backdrop for my own personal rules.  As a man, you gotta have rules; no rules, no code and every man has a code.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Etiquette for Men - Dining, The Last Chapter

Wrapping up the last chapter of the dining experience to elevate the normal man to the ultimate gentleman (at least during a meal), I will go over some small but important "rules" that will dictate whether or not you are the toast of the evening or never invited to eat a meal in public again!

Okay, so you have sat down at table, identified all utensils, drinks, appetizer, desserts, bread and you are ready to get down!!!! You are hungrier than a hostage but wait, when is it appropriate to start eating?  The safe and easy answer to remember is to start eating when others do.  In a group setting and hot food is involved, if at least two people are seated then you can begin eating.  If everyone is seated and at least 3-4 people have been served in a group of more than 4, then you can start eating.  A group of 4 or smaller, please wait until everyone is served.  Bottom line, do not be the only schmuck eating at the table.

In most settings, a prayer will be said and this is initiated by the host but it can also be given by anyone at the table and it should be done before the food is served.  When offering a toast, this can happen anytime (best when glasses are filled) and can be done by anyone.  It is customary for a guest to toast to the host for the meal and hospitality.

Elbows!!!!!  Elbows on the table while eating is a no-no! However, there are exceptions to the rule; elbows on the table during a conversation (between meals, courses, or during post-meal coffee/tea) is allowed.  Reaching across the table over others is a definite negative; if something is out of your reach, ask the person closest to pass it around the table for you. 

Tips while you are eating:

  • No playing with the table utensils, bread, etc
  • Sit up straight in the chair, no slouching
  • When speaking, attempt to use your "inside" voice
  • Try your hardest to not sneeze or cough at the table; if it happens suddenly, place face into the inside of your elbow.  If you have liquids dripping from your noise, excuse yourself to the restroom
  • Never, ever, ever tilt back your chair
  • Yes, really, chewing with your mouth open is disgusting!
  • Noises while eating is a negative
  • If you notice something in your food, no need to broadcast to the table; discretion is key
  • No slurping the soup!
  • If a dish is placed in front you first, serve yourself then pass it on
  • If a dish is set before you that you do not wish to eat, do not touch it; although it is polite to take at least a little and try it so to not offend the host
  • If you have restrictions in your diet, please make arrangements with the host beforehand. If arrangements are not made, you may want to eat before arriving
  • If you say no to alcohol, fake it for the night (hold the glass, occassionally putting it to your lips)
When finished with the meal, do the following with your utensils:


Finally, you have done a pretty good job of not embarrassing yourself at the dinner table amongst your colleagues...CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Just a couple more tips and you will be ready to go!  Turn off the cellphone or put it on silent and then put it away.  Enjoy the meal and the people around you.  I cannot stand being around people who cannot put down their phone for an hour.  If you have kids and you are worried about them and want to make sure you are not receiving any emergency calls, pull out the phone every once in a while a take a glance.  If all is well, put it away! 

Last, engage the people you are eating with; so many deals have been made at the table, new jobs have been acquired, stock tips have been exchanged when you open your mouth and get to know the people at the table.

Good manners are achieved consistently when they are practiced constantly...enjoy gentlemen!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Etiquette for Men, Part Three - Fine Dining

Usually Black History Month is a time for celebration and looking back on the contributions of Blacks but this 2012 version has got to be the most depressing! First Don Cornelius now Whitney Houston.

Rest In Peace Whitney Houston...

I would like to continue our lessons in etiquette and address more of the dining experience: fine dining.  This week we will look at some table settings so there is no confusion which fork you use when eating your appetizer as opposed to your main dish.

Some quick rules to know in general so you do not look like a complete vagabond at the table:

1.  Be polite and take only what you can eat and not what you think you can eat.  Also, do not take so much food you have to pack it up and doggy-bag it.  It is rude to eat excess food and have guests around you not being able to enjoy the half salmon you attempted to devour! Finishing your plate and then going back for seconds is the ultimate compliment to the chef.  So one plate at a time please!

2. No double dipping...I mean seriously, that is just disgusting!  If you must double dip, please grab a plate and place a polite amount of dip and chips (crackers, etc) on the plate and you can double dip to your heart's desire!

3.  When ordering that nice juicy ballpark steak, do not cut it up in little pieces like you are 9 years old before eating.  Cut a few pieces, eat, then cut some more. Besides, cutting up the entire steak makes it dry out quicker. 

4.  When you are finished, please take the time to look around your "area" and clean up after yourself.  Once again, you are not 9 and the servers are not your maids!

Scenario 1:

You are in the business school and it is that time of the year to secure that internship for the summer and one of your interviews is a business interview luncheon.  Meals like this are considered "informal" and this only means that all parties involved with this meal will be sat, served, and a conversation over food will commence. 

You arrive at the luncheon venue, you are taken to the table and you see this:



No need to get nervous, just remember, everything revolves around the plate.  Forks are always to the left, spoons and knives to the right, your glass should stay to the upper right area of your place setting.  When it comes to silverware, you work from the outside in; each meal course has its own silverware.  Usually, soups and salads will be used by the spoon and fork, respectively, the farthest outside.  The next course will use the utensil that is next and so forth.  Your main course should be used by the utensils closest to the plate.  Also, remember to place the napkin in your lap immediately after sitting.  More on the napkin later...

Scenario 2:

You have been invited to your first Black Tie Gala and dinner will be served.  You have on your tuxedo and when you are arrived, you are taken to your table and this is what you will see:



Notice this setting is almost the same as the one before it accept there are a couple more forks and drinking glasses.  There is a difference between a white and red white glass.  Red wine, if I am not mistaken, has a wider rim than the white wine glass.  Also notice the dessert fork; sometimes you will see the dessert utensils placed above the plate, it all depends on the venue.

Next week I will wrap up fine dining tips and some other do's and don'ts!!! 

If I have made a mistake or did not mention something of importance, please add!!! Enjoy folks and remember, it is not always what you are eating but how you eat it!!!!

Monday, February 6, 2012

Etiquette for Men, Part Two - Dining Out

First and foremost, I must say one important thing and that is CONGRATULATIONS TO THE WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS!!!!!

I always tell people that after I transferred to Univ of Maryland (GO TERPS!) from Virginia Tech, I grew up, I became a man, in so many words.  UMD offered a larger support system and there were professors, staff, and faculty that took a special interest in students and helped them to become leaders.  Fortunately, I was one of the students who benefitted from the interests and was put into a position to learn some life skills that have helped me tremendously in my personal and professional life.  One of those skills is Dining Etiquette.

It is amazing to me how many people lack dining etiquette skills.  The most interesting part is that the lack of skills is not exclusive to one group or class.  I have sat down with professionals from all walks of life from every race, creed, and color; some at the highest in their career, lawyers, doctors, entertainers or just the everyday Joe and have been amazed they do not know where their drinking glass is supposed to be or which one is the salad fork. 

Granted, understanding and executing dining etiquette is not something you are born with but you can read a book or take a class to obtain the proper knowledge.  Doing so can put you in a better position to land a job, demonstrate good manners, and to simply show that you are a gentleman.

Most Important Rule

The most important thing to know when dining is to know who you are dining with and where you will be dining.  It is customary and respectful to RSVP to any invitation within three days of receiving the invite and if you cannot determine what to wear, always look professional.  It is always better to be overdressed, at least you will look m'potent! First impressions....

When visiting someone's residence, try to come bearing gifts! Flowers or a bottle of wine are always appropriate and if you were requested to bring something like dessert and you know you cannot cook, do not feel obliged to make anything. There are bakeries out in the world that specialize in such arenas!  And DO NOT BE LATE!!!!

Restaurant Entrance

First, when you enter a restaurant and you are finally lead to the table where your meal will take place, gentlemen, you are to:

1.  First allow any lady in your presence to be sat first. As a matter of fact, you should pull out her chair and after she has sat, lightly push her in closer to the table and make sure she is comfortable.

2.  If you have on a suit, do not take off your suit jacket, it is proper etiquette to keep it on.  Now, if you must take it off, please offer an apology to the table and let the table know you are taking your jacket off (e.g. because it is hot) and place it on the coat rack or have it checked at the host table.  If they cannot take it, you can then place it on the back of your chair.

3.  When a lady comes to the table you are already seated at OR a lady gets up and exits the table you are dining at, it is gentleman-like to stand and acknowledge her entrance or exit.  Once she has seated or has clearly left the table, you may sit again.

4.  Once you are sitting and comfortable, go ahead and take the napkin and place it in your lap. Do not stuff it down your shirt like you are in the circus! And most important, DO NOT START EATING!  It is chivalrous and respectful to wait for everyone to receive their food before everyone starts eating and in some cases, a group prayer will take place so please do not embarrass yourself by digging in nose first when your food first arrives.

5.  Sidenote for the Ladies: The new Louis Vuitton or Gucci bag you bought yesterday, it really does not belong in the middle of the dining table.  Please place it in a vacant chair, on a hook under the table, or on the corner of your chair!!!!!

Overall Basic Principles

1.  If you are not educated in the arena in fine dining and you find yourself having to 'wing' the entire experience, take cues from the host or from others at the table.  It is not a race so doing everything last is okay.  Keep everything basic and use the utensils everyone else is using; do not try to get fancy and make a fool out of yourself.

2.  I do not think I have to say this but I find that there are grown adults that still do this; DO NOT CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN! Yea, that spare rib looks way better on your plate than it does in your mouth. In addition, do not try to speak with your mouth full.  If caught off guard with a mouth full of greens, politely put up a finger (not the middle) to let the table know to give you a minute while you chew and then you can address the speaker.  To avoid a situation like this, try not to stuff your mouth, small portions will help avoid this.

3.  Say "Thank You", "Please", and "Excuse Me"...enough said!!!

I think we are off to a good start, next week I will dive into the actual dining experience and even show sample dinner settings so the gentlemen are properly prepared for the most formal of dining experiences.

If you have more "rules" to add, please feel free and speak out!


Monday, January 30, 2012

Etiquette for Men, Part One

We are at the beginning of a new year and I think it is very appropriate that I speak on a lost art: ETIQUETTE! I do not know what is going on with Today's Man but if you really sit down and look at the way we act in public, you would think we were raised by a pack of wolves and not in a civil society.  I like to think of myself as a gentleman but I know I occassionally fracture a rule here and there but I know I KNOW better so it is not habitual. 

This week I will take a look at some general etiquette rules and over the next couple of weeks I will expound into others areas like dining etiquette, business etiquette, etc.  Ladies, feel free to comment if you think something is missing.  I will even try to re-introduce some rules that have been lost in time.

Greetings

1.  To a casual acquaintance you may nod without speaking and a nod should always be returned in recognition.  This rule has really disappeared since we live in a self-absorbed, selfish society! In certain areas in the South, this is still done but only among the elder statesmen.

2.  Between gentleman, an inclination of the hat, a gesture of the hand, or a mere touching of the hat is sufficient.  I still do this myself while walking the city streets.  More times than not, the nod is returned but usually by gentlemen older than me; guys my age and younger do not understand this was standard operating procedure at one time.

General

3.  Always be on time; even better, be early!  I swear to you, I think a memo went out that said being on time was being 15 minutes late.  It drives me crazy.  In addition, if you are going to be late, it is polite and customary to call and say this much.

4. Always be polite. Even if you do not like the person, there is no need to sink to their level, be the better man.

5. This one is going to be hard but cursing should be outlawed.  Ok, okay, let's say no cursing in public places or in mixed company.  I know I have a mouth like a pirate so this rule will be really tough for me.

6.  Do not speak loudly.  There is an old saying, "The loudest man in the room is usually the weakest man."  Why are you yelling on the phone on the train so everyone can hear your conversation?  Why are you yelling across the movie theater like you have lost your mind?

7. Do not lose your temper.  This is one I will have a little bit of trouble with!  When you lose your temper you are showing the world you cannot control your emotions.  If you cannot control yourself, how can you control anything else?

8.  Do not interrupt!  It is frustrating when people do not allow you to finish your statement.  Active listening is becoming a lost art!

9.  This one drives me nuts, do not spit!  Spitting is already disgusting but if you must, can we at least be discrete about it.  I suffer from allergies in the morning so in order to clear up my passages, I have to but I at least do it privately and certaintly not in front of ladies.

10.  Remove your hat indoors.  This rule has been basically fractured, broken, and burned.  Anything on your head should be removed once you enter a building.  And how bout you remove that Yankees' fitted while you are at the dinner table!!!!! Really, I already think New Yorkers are rude but are you just going to live it out right in front of me over my steak and potatoes????

I think we have gotten off to a good start.  I would be interested to know if some of these rules are even feasible this day in age...SPEAK OUT!

Monday, January 23, 2012

The Death Heard Around the World...

If you have watched 5 minutes of ESPN the last 48 hours or glanced at the news in the same time span, you would know that the legendary Joseph Vincent Paterno, JoePa, 46-year coach of Penn State Nittany Lions, died Sunday morning.  Cause of death: lung cancer, but he died of a broken heart back in November 2011 when he was fired as Head Coach of the Penn State football team. 

I remember being a young man and watching Charles Barkley play professional basketball and then him telling the world he was not a role model! Never understood that but as an adult I totally reject that notion and I suspect he does also.  I think at the point we crossover into adulthood, we are all role models to someone (and looking at some of you all, this is a very scary thought) and we should be cognizant of that fact. 

JoePa understood this, said this, and lived this notion.  He wanted to use college football as a vehicle to teach young men about the most important virtues in life: honest, integrity, family, service, dedication and education.  I am sure there were more but he was literally changing the lives of young boys and making them men.  He dedicated his life to Penn State and help create a program that was near flawless when it came to recruiting scandals while maintaining a high graduation rate.

Current and former coaches and players have provided the utmost praise for a man they said changed the way college football was played and how it operated.  One former player said that when you would go back to visit him, he would ask you about your life and remember specific things about you.  He would remember things like your Mother's name, where she lived, where your family was from.  JoePa had to have coached thousands of players and he would remember the little things about each and every player.  JoePa gave over $4 million dollars to Penn State, while practically helping the University gain the moniker "Happy Valley."  Students from all walks of life have stated the one and only reason to attend Happy Valley was because of JoePa.

His presence was, for lack of a better term, godly and it was evident when he was fired (the students rioted) and when he died.  When was the last time a coach was fired and the students rioted?  Here is a better question, when was the last time a coach stayed at one job for longer than 5 years, 10 years, 25 years, or how about 45 years? 

Collegiate and professional sports, in particular basketball and football, are a cesspool of men who do not care about the school and his players but moreso about their own legacy and the bottom line.  JoePa was on the opposite end of that spectrum.  He had opportunities to coach in the NFL but passed on them because he felt he could make the biggest difference on the collegiate level.  He only coached at one school and never had a thought of coaching anywhere else.  For years, officials at Penn State tried to force JoePa to retire, but why?  They started to succumb to the pressure of the bottom line when JoePa's teams were not winning instead of focusing on what was more important which was the graduation of young men who would go on to be great citizens and do great things.  Penn State forgot that the players were students FIRST and athletes second and their mission was to graduate the student.  JoePa represented everything that was right about collegiate sports. 

My birthday was this past Saturday, 21st, JoePa died the 22nd; I turned 34, he died at the age of 85.  He coached 46 years, I have not even lived that long!  I can only hope I have the kind of impact he has had on so many. He died a man's man...

Monday, January 9, 2012

No Competition, We Are All Happy!!

First off I would like to give a big "Blu-Phi" to all the Brothers of the Illustrious Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc and wish all my Brothers a Happy 98th Founders' Day TODAY!!!

Also, if I have not said it already, Happy New Year and I wish you all, my readers, the best in 2012! 

I was reading an article during my travels in Vibe magazine, an interview with Lil Wayne, quite possibly the biggest Hip Hop star in the world, arguably of course.  In the article, he says, "Music isn't about competition no more. All the gangster rappers are happy, all the skateboard rappers are happy, all the white rappers are happy...Competition is for the old guys."

If you are not a Lil Wayne fan or you do not know who he is, Lil Wayne is the face of the next generation of young people, as a matter of fact they should be called Generation W for Generation Wayne.  Oftentimes, if you find yourself trying to understand the next generation, go and listen to one of his songs, you may be enlightened and in a better position to communicate with your sons and daughters!

This is what really worries me about his sentiments and what I want to talk about.  Man, from the beginning of time, has always been in competition. Competition is what drives any man to be better than he was yesterday.  When we are young boys, the most popular boy was the kid who ran the fastest or had the best grades or was the best at something in that school.  We are taught that you should WANT to be the best, #1, and anything other than that is secondary, loser, losing.  "Second place only means you are the first loser!" 

Anybody know who the Mavs beat last year for the NBA Title, Packers beat in last year's Super Bowl?  As a society, we love winners and want to be part of and cheer for a winner.  Somewhere in the space time continuum, we decided to start giving out ribbons for the kid who came in 10th place.  Huh? What?  The proper response to someone coming in last is "Hey kid, you lost, try again! Try harder! Go practice and get better and maybe you will win next time!"  Nowadays, its "Johnny you did a great job, way to go, next time you might get 9th place!"

At one point in my life, I was cut from the sport I wanted to play for the rest of my life.  I was sad and mad initially but I did what the coached asked me to do, what areas he told me to get better in  and come back next year and I would make the team.  I spent the next 12 months doing just that and I was rewarded for my efforts and my improvements.  And that right there taught me invaluable lessons that I hold on to, to this very day:

1.  You want something bad enough, you must go after it and work hard to get it
2.  No such thing as a free lunch
3.  No one remembers second place
4.  The King always goes home with the Prom Queen!!!!

Now, my lessons may have created a monster because I wanted not only make the team but I wanted to be the best, I wanted to win and I wanted to be known as a winner.  I learned that winning is an attitude first and foremost and if you do not go into every situation with the attitude that you are going to win, you will lose...THAT SIMPLE!

Allen Iverson got a lot of flack for his comment that he did not respect Michael Jordan on the court but off the court, he felt he was the greatest.  But on the court, Iverson looked at MJ as just another player he had to beat to win and it was possible.  As small in stature as Iverson was, he always felt that he could win, he had a winning attitude.  Michael Jordan was the same way which is why he has 6 Championships to his name.

As much as I dislike Tebow, I can say with all honesty that he is a winner and his winning attitude is contagious and has been spreading throughout the Denver Broncos football team. 

We are breeding a generation of young people who do not value competition and therefore are becoming very complacent with achievement in all areas of life: academics, sports, socially, and financially.  Ever wonder why we are falling behind in our education as opposed to some of the Eastern countries?  Why are we starting to become second fiddle on the Olympic stage in almost all sports?  Why are jobs constantly being shipped overseas?

We do not strive to be the best anymore, that is why and we are being affected by this and  I do not know how we can stop it!  Any suggestions????