Monday, April 25, 2011

Chivalry...A Lost Art

I have had some heavy femail influences in my life, mainly my Mother and Sister, who have informally taught me the art of chivalry.  By now, it is second nature for me to open doors, pull out seats, stand when a woman approaches and leaves the dinner table, etc.  When I am in people watch mode and I watch two people on a date, I cringe when the woman has to open up her own car door.  How could any man refer to himself as a "man" when he does not even do the basics in the presence of a lady?  Let's explore!!!

When you think of the word chivalry, words like "gentleman" and "noble" come to mind.  Textbook definition of a chivalry: the sum of the IDEAL qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms; the rules and customs of medieval knighthood.  Wow, that is deep!  "Courtesy", "generosity", "valor", but I think the word that jumps out at me right now is "medieval" because that is where I think today's society has left chivalry, in the medieval times. 

Why are the men of today not as chivalrous as the ladies would like them to be?  I never took a class or read a book on chivalry; I learned from my parents who believed in raising a man who showed respect to the opposite sex.  Maybe some of our parents are not teaching our men what the outside world will never do. In school you learn math, science, English from day one but I think our school systems are leaving it up to our parents to teach such an easy topic.  

There is a flipside, are the LADIES of today demanding chivalrous men?  I know I have been told by women verbatim, "You do not have to do that."  Referring to me opening up the door.  This bothers me on so many levels that I am going to list them.

1.  Women RUN THINGS!!!  If you do not demand it from men, as a total species, men will not do it.  It is that simple.  You can argue with me to the high heavens but if you all decided to cut off sex until men displayed acts of chivalry, men would run and trip over each other to open the door!!!  Ninety percent (90%) of the time, if men are not thinking with their penis, we are thinking on its behalf!
 
2.  Women confuse chivalry with being weak.  A man opening up a door or offering to carry the heavy load you are lugging around is not his way of saying you are weak.  It is his way of respecting the lady you are and being a partner to you in OUR  everyday struggle.  A man cannot make you or tell you that you are weak.

3.  Chivalry is an act between a Lady and a Gentleman.  All ladies are women BUT all women are not ladies.  If you have to ask me the difference, then you are not a lady!  Simply, a lady demands to be treated as such at all times.

Men as well as women are responsible for this art that is allegedly lost; I just think it is not re-enforced by all parties involved.  Can we bring it back? If so, who and where do we start????

SPEAK OUT!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Loving Your Homeboy's Sister...

In the spirit of Spring Fever and this wonderful 70 degree weather, we will keep with the love affair between man and woman and keep breaking down walls in defining Man Code.  This week is a topic rarely talked about; dealing with, in any capacity, your homeboy's sister. 

Scarface screamed on Manolo (Manny) for even thinking that his little sister was "beautiful."  Most men feel a certain way about their friends speaking on, much less getting with, their sister (older or younger) and will not bite their tongue in expressing their objection with a threat of violence if said friend was ever to cross the line. 

Is there ever a time when it is okay for your homeboy to get with your sister?  Ladies, have you ever been in a position where you smitten or wanted to get with big brother's best friend?  Fellas, what would you do if you ever found out your sister was sneaking around behind your back with your homeboy?

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Pillow Talk

It is spring time folks and we all know what that means, "Spring Fever" is in full effect!!!  For the ladies, the skirts get a little shorter, the legs get shaved more often, nails and toes get "did" weekly. Fellas are debating to keep that winter "boo" around or enjoy what will be walking the streets in the morning and during lunch.  No one is immune to this Fever and it seems to keep this man-woman thing always interesting. 

Over the next couple of blogs, I will be exploring certain dynamics between men and women and how man code plays a role.  This week we will look at "Pillow Talk". 

Pillow talking occurs between a man and a woman who are in a relationship (of some sort) and it simply means the exchange of information between those two parties.  Oftentimes this "information" is about said man's friends and their adventures or vice versa.  The term originated because it often happened in bed between the man and the woman.  For blog sake, we will just look at the man's side of pillow talk.

Man is put into a precarious situation with a woman he is in a "relationship" with; this relationship could be just sex, it could be boyfriend/girlfriend, dating, or it could be as serious as a marriage.  In any relationship, trust is very important and a lot of times we use the exchange of intimate and secretive information about either ourselves or friends with our partner to demonstrate trust.  Whether this is right or wrong is irrelevant because it is human nature and men fall prey to this practice continuously.  Let me provide an example scenario:

Jason is pledging the fraternity Phi Beta Mu and has been sworn to secrecy about any and all the activities of involving the fraternity. He has been told that he cannot tell a soul about what is happening.  Jason has a beautiful, loving girlfriend named Ebony and Ebony has been worried about Jason.  Ebony has noticed a change in his behavior, they are no longer having sex (HA!), he is constantly tired and for some reason, when he sits, he cannot seem to sit on his left buttcheek (HA!).  Ebony has had enough and wants to know what is going on.  Jason has to decide, essentially, between love and his future fraternity.  Jason believes he can have both and trust Ebony to keep her mouth shut so he spills the beans about the pledge process.

Does Jason have an obligation to tell Ebony about the fraternity?  Is there ever a time when it is okay to pillow talk?   Speak Out!!!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Snitching

Snitching
The concept of snitching really made its way to the public eye with Dipset rapper Cam’ron making his notorious declaration on 60 Minutes that if a murderer lived next door he would not call the authorities.  New York Knicks basketball player and Brooklyn native (via Baltimore) Carmelo Anthony was seen on an underground video, in the slums of Baltimore, entitled “Stop Snitching.”   Let’s just say that wasn’t good publicity for Melo who has led a drama-free life and holds a descent image. 
In the following clip, John Gotti, one time Gambino Crime Family Boss, is speaking of the “rules” and how it is against protocol to snitch.  Authorities have had issues trying to solve even the most simplest of crimes committed because eyewitnesses did not want to “snitch” in the light of retribution or revenge by the accused.
What exactly is snitching?  When is it okay to step forward and pass information on or about a crime you saw committed?  When is it okay to “rat out” your friends?  Man Code will attempt to explore these questions and bring light to an often complicated but misunderstood concept.
Scenario 1: Jason and Justin decide to rob a bank.  They get away with $10 grand but we are caught 4 days later and brought in for questioning.  Game theory, a concept developed many moons ago (reference the movie “A Beautiful Mind”) relies on the fact that when the police question them separately about the bank robbery, there is a 50% chance one of them will spill the beans; in addition, there is a 25% chance neither one of them will talk and a 25% chance they will both admit to the robbery.  Overall, there is a 75% chance Jason and/or Justin will go to jail for this crime.  Well, Justin couldn’t take the pressure and gave both of them up.  Justin SNITCHED!!!!  This is text book definition of snitching.  Man Code demands that Justin keeps his mouth shut (Jason the same) and they both have a 25% chance of walking especially if there isn’t any physical evidence linking them to the crime but that’s another story.  Jason and Justin both knew what they were getting into and knew the consequences.  Justin needed to man up and keep his mouth shut!
Scenario 2: George is a witness to the armed robbery committed by Jason and Justin in the aforementioned scenario.  George was across the street when he clearly saw Jason and Justin exit the bank with the money in their hands.  George decides to step up and give testimony and have Jason and Justin put behind bars.  George is NOT a snitch in this situation.  George did his civic duty to society and put two criminals behind bars.  George was not part of the robbery; he was nearly an innocent bystander.
Scenario 3:  John is friends with Jason and Justin and John knows about them robbing the bank.  John grew up with Jason and Justin and they have been friends for over two decades.  What does John do in this case? Does John give up Jason and Justin? Or does John keep his mouth shut?
Scenario 3 is oftentimes the scenario a lot of men find themselves in the middle of and have to make a decision to either be a good citizen or a good friend.  This scenario is really a no win because on the one hand if you decide to be a good friend and not say anything and someone gets hurt, morally you are just as liable and as guilty as the men who committed the actual crime.  If you decide to be a good citizen, you are not being a snitch BUT you are betraying your friends.  At the same time, you may be saving a life.  What do you do here?