There is an interesting article a friend of mine sent to me written by 3 Ph.Ds about the origins of Homosexuality and the "Gay Gene". A very interesting, thought provoking read and if you want to read it, please feel free. I know growing up being gay was not meant that you were happy and it was very rarely talked about. And there actually was not a whole lot of information available, the only thing you needed to know was that you did not want to be accused of being gay. As a matter of fact, if you wanted to start a fight with ANYBODY, you called them a "b*tch" or a "f*ggot" which meant you were gay. I have seen some brutal fights at the mere accusation you were gay.
Today, we have legalized gay marriages in about six states so we have come a long way in the last 20 to 25 years and I am sure we will go even further. But there are still a considerable amount of men living their lives "in the closet" or on the "down low". Two terms that are similar in nature but their intent and purpose are drastically different.
First, do I really care if a man is gay or not. Put it to you like this, I have never concerned myself with what another man does in the privacy of his own bedroom. I have my hands full just trying to make sure what goes down in my bedroom is nothing short of fantastic!!! LOL So I really just take a "none of my business" approach to this topic. Unfortunately, not everyone feels the way I do. There are people out there that think homosexuality is a choice and it can be prayed away, "Pray away the Gay" or something like that. Why would anyone choose a life that puts them under constant attack and discrimination is beyond me but I digress.
The term "in the closet" or "living in the closet" is a phrase to describe a homosexual living in secrecy about their sexual origin. From what I have seen growing up, witnessing the hardships and physical harm gay men have had to endure, I would keep my sexuality a secret also. Anybody that comes "out of the closet" (term to mean to reveal the fact that you are gay) is a super brave human being in my book and should be commended. I got picked on because I am pigeon-toed and I have big lips CONSTANTLY; the torture a young man must go through being gay is unfathomable and I would not wish that on any man. Is "living in the closet" right or wrong? I do not think a right or wrong answer can be applied to this situation unless you have walked those shoes.
A man on the "down low" of "DL" is a man who discreetly has sex with other men while in sexual relationships with women. Often these men do not consider themselves gay or bisexual and their female partners are not aware that they have sex with other men, thus the term "down low" or "in hiding". There is a huge psychological component to being on the "DL" I will not get into but this is what I wholeheartedly do not agree with and where gay men need to do better.
Regardless of popular opinion, gay men are STILL men and they fall under the same rules every other man follows and that is to be honest and have some integrity. Yes, maybe, well not maybe, but as a society, we need to be more welcoming of the gay community so a safe space exist for gay men to come out of the closet and not be on the down low. But "down low" behavior is inexcusable and goes against everything a man stands for.
Being "in the closet" does not affect others around you, at least not physically and health wise but "DL" men hurt other people; they hurt the women they are involved with and lying to as well as the other men they are involved with also.
I do not know the answers but I do understand men "in the closet" but I do not agree with "DL" and maybe it is up to the rest of us to create an atmosphere where neither one of these things exist.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Women: Just A Touch
I "preach" about being a better man day-to-day. It is a process that will probably take a lifetime but I cannot lie, I am enjoying the ride. As I grow and get better, certain ideals, theories, or just plain facts are accepted into my consciousness which in turn help me to grow and move further along in my development process. One of the "just plain facts" I have come to accept is that EVERYTHING needs a woman's touch. Wait for it, let it sink in, okay, I will repeat, everything needs a woman's touch.
Ever see a bachelor pad pre-marriage and then go to that same living quarter once the wife has moved in? He mine as well have moved into another space; once a woman moves in, anything "bachelor-like" is tossed and she gives it her personal, woman-esque touch. (Typical stuff like drapes, matching towels, candles, plants, etc) But now that living space is livable and for all intensive purposes, a better place.
Sometimes a presentation needs a woman's touch, a man's ensemble may need a lady's attention or even his career could use a female perspective. Regardless of the case, as men, we have to realize the value in our counterpart's perspective and listen, absorb, understand, then implement it.
I recently sat down with a woman I have a lot of respect for and she really put my life and who I am in perspective. She was able to safely communicate my flaws but also highlighted the great characteristics I do possess which gave herself and our conversation a lot of validity and credibility. I felt like she got me, she understood me.
She encouraged me to always be me but gave me some solutions on how to fix the not-so-great-parts. She was very trasparent and genuine and that made me feel good but better, I felt empowered! I walked away with a plan and a new outlook but I was very thankful and gracious to this young lady for even taking the time to give my life her personal touch. She left her fingerprints on my window pane; she authored a small chapter in my book of life and for that I will always be in debt to her.
As a man though, I had to be open to not only being told about how great I am, I had to be open to some of the things I am not so great at and accept it. Once I accepted my "flaws", it was up to me to want to fix those things and become a better man. And all it took was a WOman to help me do it.
Fellas, do you have a female or females in your life that play this role? A lady that can talk to you and reach you in places that we often shut off or shutdown. If not, can you identify someone you respect enough to tell you about yourself, enough to inspire change?
Ladies, is there a man you know that would benefit from your personal touch? Have you reached out to him?
In the mortal words of Rob Base, IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A THING GO RIGHT!!!!
I am because we are and we are because I am.
Ever see a bachelor pad pre-marriage and then go to that same living quarter once the wife has moved in? He mine as well have moved into another space; once a woman moves in, anything "bachelor-like" is tossed and she gives it her personal, woman-esque touch. (Typical stuff like drapes, matching towels, candles, plants, etc) But now that living space is livable and for all intensive purposes, a better place.
Sometimes a presentation needs a woman's touch, a man's ensemble may need a lady's attention or even his career could use a female perspective. Regardless of the case, as men, we have to realize the value in our counterpart's perspective and listen, absorb, understand, then implement it.
I recently sat down with a woman I have a lot of respect for and she really put my life and who I am in perspective. She was able to safely communicate my flaws but also highlighted the great characteristics I do possess which gave herself and our conversation a lot of validity and credibility. I felt like she got me, she understood me.
She encouraged me to always be me but gave me some solutions on how to fix the not-so-great-parts. She was very trasparent and genuine and that made me feel good but better, I felt empowered! I walked away with a plan and a new outlook but I was very thankful and gracious to this young lady for even taking the time to give my life her personal touch. She left her fingerprints on my window pane; she authored a small chapter in my book of life and for that I will always be in debt to her.
As a man though, I had to be open to not only being told about how great I am, I had to be open to some of the things I am not so great at and accept it. Once I accepted my "flaws", it was up to me to want to fix those things and become a better man. And all it took was a WOman to help me do it.
Fellas, do you have a female or females in your life that play this role? A lady that can talk to you and reach you in places that we often shut off or shutdown. If not, can you identify someone you respect enough to tell you about yourself, enough to inspire change?
Ladies, is there a man you know that would benefit from your personal touch? Have you reached out to him?
In the mortal words of Rob Base, IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A THING GO RIGHT!!!!
I am because we are and we are because I am.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Texting Versus Calling
Remember those days (and I think I am referring to those 30 and up) when you would fall asleep talking to your "girlfriend/boyfriend" on the home phone. You would wake up to that beep beep noise b/c the other person hung up on your snoring!! What about when you called someone at home and if they were not home you had to leave a message and pretty much wait until they got back to you and that could have been hours later.
Then technology stepped in!
The arrival of beepers, the first low level, human low jack, made it "easier" to stay in touch but now you had to have a pocket full of change for the payphones in your neighborhood. And Heaven forbid if it was an emergency, the notorious "911" that came in at the end of a number to call. Unless you were a street pharmacist, what really was the emergency? Would it have been an emergency if you knew you could not have gotten hold of me???
Welcome cell phones. The first cell phone looked like a handheld brick attached to a suitcase that doubled as the battery pack. Now it was dayum near impossible to ever be unavailable. As the cellphone evolved to what we have now as the handheld PC, texting has exploded and it is wreaking havoc on the chivalry between man and woman. Add facebook, twitter, 4score or whatever and now no one really talks to each other, we TYPE each other.
Now I will be first to say that I hate the phone, I love talking face to face, FACETIME! If I had to choose between texting and talking on the phone, I would choose texting because it allows me to multitask (or pay attention when I feel like it) and it gives me time to think of a response when I want to respond.
Talking on the phone is probably the next best thing to facetime; it allows you to at least hear the person's voice which can indicate different emotions (texting is emotionless unless you type in CAPS) and communication is clearer.
It used to be when you asked for a lady's phone number, the man would call her. Nowadays, men get the number and they text the lady. I think this new phenomenon is driving women nuts!!!! I think it has gotten to the point where dates are setup and a phone call has not even occurred. I think we are now delivering sex over text messaging; what is it called, Sexting? That is a whole other topic because for the life of me I do not understand why anybody would want their goodies floating on the internet!
As men, we need to get back to the basics of chivalry and stop being lazy. Would it really kill us to pick up the phone, at least initially and then the rules of engagement can be established? Ladies, would it be that hard to communicate your expectations as far as how you want to be engaged?
I never knew it would get to the point where we have to establish rules on something as basic as the telephone but this is where we are. Technology, I dont know, it maybe doing more harm than good when it comes to the relationships between the sexes.
What do you think? SPEAK OUT!
Then technology stepped in!
The arrival of beepers, the first low level, human low jack, made it "easier" to stay in touch but now you had to have a pocket full of change for the payphones in your neighborhood. And Heaven forbid if it was an emergency, the notorious "911" that came in at the end of a number to call. Unless you were a street pharmacist, what really was the emergency? Would it have been an emergency if you knew you could not have gotten hold of me???
Welcome cell phones. The first cell phone looked like a handheld brick attached to a suitcase that doubled as the battery pack. Now it was dayum near impossible to ever be unavailable. As the cellphone evolved to what we have now as the handheld PC, texting has exploded and it is wreaking havoc on the chivalry between man and woman. Add facebook, twitter, 4score or whatever and now no one really talks to each other, we TYPE each other.
Now I will be first to say that I hate the phone, I love talking face to face, FACETIME! If I had to choose between texting and talking on the phone, I would choose texting because it allows me to multitask (or pay attention when I feel like it) and it gives me time to think of a response when I want to respond.
Talking on the phone is probably the next best thing to facetime; it allows you to at least hear the person's voice which can indicate different emotions (texting is emotionless unless you type in CAPS) and communication is clearer.
It used to be when you asked for a lady's phone number, the man would call her. Nowadays, men get the number and they text the lady. I think this new phenomenon is driving women nuts!!!! I think it has gotten to the point where dates are setup and a phone call has not even occurred. I think we are now delivering sex over text messaging; what is it called, Sexting? That is a whole other topic because for the life of me I do not understand why anybody would want their goodies floating on the internet!
As men, we need to get back to the basics of chivalry and stop being lazy. Would it really kill us to pick up the phone, at least initially and then the rules of engagement can be established? Ladies, would it be that hard to communicate your expectations as far as how you want to be engaged?
I never knew it would get to the point where we have to establish rules on something as basic as the telephone but this is where we are. Technology, I dont know, it maybe doing more harm than good when it comes to the relationships between the sexes.
What do you think? SPEAK OUT!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Independent Thinking - Independence Day Edition
When I am alone, whether thats my walk home from work or driving to a destination, my mind races with thoughts about everything from politics, love, friendships, sports, work, what have you. I am a student of every game and I never feel like I have mastered anything which makes my thirst for knowledge that much stronger.
Oftentimes I have light bulb moments when I am able to take my past experiences, other people's experiences, my own thoughts, and the behavior of the world around me to come up with a grand concept I can use to guide me through this thing called Life.
A lot of times these "epiphanies" put me in a place where I am alone. I am put in a place where I seem to be going right while everyone else is going left. As men, we are all, at some point in our lives, put in a place where we stand alone because of what we believe in. But how do you react? How do you, as a man, handle that?
I believe in becoming a better man everyday; it is a process that is constant and neverending and it involves the evolution of my understanding of the world. It is impossible to believe everything yesterday today, if you are living!!!! If you are not taking the guided tour through life, then your experiences, your thoughts, and those around you will keep you questioning what you believe, what you hold true to your heart and most importantly, what you stand for.
I am ONE in this world; my "cipher" keeps moving like a rolling stone (que Badu). This means I have a direction connection to this place called Earth just like you do which makes every man, woman, and child on this planet connected. If I do not evolve and become better, pushing the limits of thinking, creativity, critical thought processing, then how can you, connected to me, become a better you?
We have to be brave enough to have original thoughts and put those thoughts out to the world; whether or not they are accepted or rejected is irrelevant but it is the idea itself that moves us all from today to tomorrow.
Great scene in the movie "Brown Sugar" where Sanaa Lathan and Taye Diggs are sitting in the park and Diggs is questioning his presence in Hip Hop and his contributions. He is really upset about where Hip Hop is going (sounds familiar?) but he wants to do something about it. He first questions why Hip Hop can't go back to the Golden Years when emcees actually spoke about something real in their records and it just wasnt about Cars, Money, and Sex. Sanaa quickly and emotionally explained to Diggs that Hip Hop is about forward movement, it must evolve, it has to keep pushing. This line and this line alone has helped me to accept the what Hip Hop is today; I may not like it but I accept it because we cannot go back to yesterday, we have to let it evolve and push forward.
I think a lot of times the fear of being right or wrong prevents us standing alone in our thoughts and putting them out to the world. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be right and not wrong that it has almost become a sin or an act of heresy if you say something that is wrong. Step away from the right vs wrong arena and allow yourself to be okay with being both because in the end it does not matter either way.
I challenge all to stand alone and confront the world with your own thoughts so we all can benefit and grow. I am because we are and We are because I am.
Oftentimes I have light bulb moments when I am able to take my past experiences, other people's experiences, my own thoughts, and the behavior of the world around me to come up with a grand concept I can use to guide me through this thing called Life.
A lot of times these "epiphanies" put me in a place where I am alone. I am put in a place where I seem to be going right while everyone else is going left. As men, we are all, at some point in our lives, put in a place where we stand alone because of what we believe in. But how do you react? How do you, as a man, handle that?
I believe in becoming a better man everyday; it is a process that is constant and neverending and it involves the evolution of my understanding of the world. It is impossible to believe everything yesterday today, if you are living!!!! If you are not taking the guided tour through life, then your experiences, your thoughts, and those around you will keep you questioning what you believe, what you hold true to your heart and most importantly, what you stand for.
I am ONE in this world; my "cipher" keeps moving like a rolling stone (que Badu). This means I have a direction connection to this place called Earth just like you do which makes every man, woman, and child on this planet connected. If I do not evolve and become better, pushing the limits of thinking, creativity, critical thought processing, then how can you, connected to me, become a better you?
We have to be brave enough to have original thoughts and put those thoughts out to the world; whether or not they are accepted or rejected is irrelevant but it is the idea itself that moves us all from today to tomorrow.
Great scene in the movie "Brown Sugar" where Sanaa Lathan and Taye Diggs are sitting in the park and Diggs is questioning his presence in Hip Hop and his contributions. He is really upset about where Hip Hop is going (sounds familiar?) but he wants to do something about it. He first questions why Hip Hop can't go back to the Golden Years when emcees actually spoke about something real in their records and it just wasnt about Cars, Money, and Sex. Sanaa quickly and emotionally explained to Diggs that Hip Hop is about forward movement, it must evolve, it has to keep pushing. This line and this line alone has helped me to accept the what Hip Hop is today; I may not like it but I accept it because we cannot go back to yesterday, we have to let it evolve and push forward.
I think a lot of times the fear of being right or wrong prevents us standing alone in our thoughts and putting them out to the world. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be right and not wrong that it has almost become a sin or an act of heresy if you say something that is wrong. Step away from the right vs wrong arena and allow yourself to be okay with being both because in the end it does not matter either way.
I challenge all to stand alone and confront the world with your own thoughts so we all can benefit and grow. I am because we are and We are because I am.
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