We are at the beginning of a new year and I think it is very appropriate that I speak on a lost art: ETIQUETTE! I do not know what is going on with Today's Man but if you really sit down and look at the way we act in public, you would think we were raised by a pack of wolves and not in a civil society. I like to think of myself as a gentleman but I know I occassionally fracture a rule here and there but I know I KNOW better so it is not habitual.
This week I will take a look at some general etiquette rules and over the next couple of weeks I will expound into others areas like dining etiquette, business etiquette, etc. Ladies, feel free to comment if you think something is missing. I will even try to re-introduce some rules that have been lost in time.
Greetings
1. To a casual acquaintance you may nod without speaking and a nod should always be returned in recognition. This rule has really disappeared since we live in a self-absorbed, selfish society! In certain areas in the South, this is still done but only among the elder statesmen.
2. Between gentleman, an inclination of the hat, a gesture of the hand, or a mere touching of the hat is sufficient. I still do this myself while walking the city streets. More times than not, the nod is returned but usually by gentlemen older than me; guys my age and younger do not understand this was standard operating procedure at one time.
General
3. Always be on time; even better, be early! I swear to you, I think a memo went out that said being on time was being 15 minutes late. It drives me crazy. In addition, if you are going to be late, it is polite and customary to call and say this much.
4. Always be polite. Even if you do not like the person, there is no need to sink to their level, be the better man.
5. This one is going to be hard but cursing should be outlawed. Ok, okay, let's say no cursing in public places or in mixed company. I know I have a mouth like a pirate so this rule will be really tough for me.
6. Do not speak loudly. There is an old saying, "The loudest man in the room is usually the weakest man." Why are you yelling on the phone on the train so everyone can hear your conversation? Why are you yelling across the movie theater like you have lost your mind?
7. Do not lose your temper. This is one I will have a little bit of trouble with! When you lose your temper you are showing the world you cannot control your emotions. If you cannot control yourself, how can you control anything else?
8. Do not interrupt! It is frustrating when people do not allow you to finish your statement. Active listening is becoming a lost art!
9. This one drives me nuts, do not spit! Spitting is already disgusting but if you must, can we at least be discrete about it. I suffer from allergies in the morning so in order to clear up my passages, I have to but I at least do it privately and certaintly not in front of ladies.
10. Remove your hat indoors. This rule has been basically fractured, broken, and burned. Anything on your head should be removed once you enter a building. And how bout you remove that Yankees' fitted while you are at the dinner table!!!!! Really, I already think New Yorkers are rude but are you just going to live it out right in front of me over my steak and potatoes????
I think we have gotten off to a good start. I would be interested to know if some of these rules are even feasible this day in age...SPEAK OUT!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
The Death Heard Around the World...
If you have watched 5 minutes of ESPN the last 48 hours or glanced at the news in the same time span, you would know that the legendary Joseph Vincent Paterno, JoePa, 46-year coach of Penn State Nittany Lions, died Sunday morning. Cause of death: lung cancer, but he died of a broken heart back in November 2011 when he was fired as Head Coach of the Penn State football team.
I remember being a young man and watching Charles Barkley play professional basketball and then him telling the world he was not a role model! Never understood that but as an adult I totally reject that notion and I suspect he does also. I think at the point we crossover into adulthood, we are all role models to someone (and looking at some of you all, this is a very scary thought) and we should be cognizant of that fact.
JoePa understood this, said this, and lived this notion. He wanted to use college football as a vehicle to teach young men about the most important virtues in life: honest, integrity, family, service, dedication and education. I am sure there were more but he was literally changing the lives of young boys and making them men. He dedicated his life to Penn State and help create a program that was near flawless when it came to recruiting scandals while maintaining a high graduation rate.
Current and former coaches and players have provided the utmost praise for a man they said changed the way college football was played and how it operated. One former player said that when you would go back to visit him, he would ask you about your life and remember specific things about you. He would remember things like your Mother's name, where she lived, where your family was from. JoePa had to have coached thousands of players and he would remember the little things about each and every player. JoePa gave over $4 million dollars to Penn State, while practically helping the University gain the moniker "Happy Valley." Students from all walks of life have stated the one and only reason to attend Happy Valley was because of JoePa.
His presence was, for lack of a better term, godly and it was evident when he was fired (the students rioted) and when he died. When was the last time a coach was fired and the students rioted? Here is a better question, when was the last time a coach stayed at one job for longer than 5 years, 10 years, 25 years, or how about 45 years?
Collegiate and professional sports, in particular basketball and football, are a cesspool of men who do not care about the school and his players but moreso about their own legacy and the bottom line. JoePa was on the opposite end of that spectrum. He had opportunities to coach in the NFL but passed on them because he felt he could make the biggest difference on the collegiate level. He only coached at one school and never had a thought of coaching anywhere else. For years, officials at Penn State tried to force JoePa to retire, but why? They started to succumb to the pressure of the bottom line when JoePa's teams were not winning instead of focusing on what was more important which was the graduation of young men who would go on to be great citizens and do great things. Penn State forgot that the players were students FIRST and athletes second and their mission was to graduate the student. JoePa represented everything that was right about collegiate sports.
My birthday was this past Saturday, 21st, JoePa died the 22nd; I turned 34, he died at the age of 85. He coached 46 years, I have not even lived that long! I can only hope I have the kind of impact he has had on so many. He died a man's man...
I remember being a young man and watching Charles Barkley play professional basketball and then him telling the world he was not a role model! Never understood that but as an adult I totally reject that notion and I suspect he does also. I think at the point we crossover into adulthood, we are all role models to someone (and looking at some of you all, this is a very scary thought) and we should be cognizant of that fact.
JoePa understood this, said this, and lived this notion. He wanted to use college football as a vehicle to teach young men about the most important virtues in life: honest, integrity, family, service, dedication and education. I am sure there were more but he was literally changing the lives of young boys and making them men. He dedicated his life to Penn State and help create a program that was near flawless when it came to recruiting scandals while maintaining a high graduation rate.
Current and former coaches and players have provided the utmost praise for a man they said changed the way college football was played and how it operated. One former player said that when you would go back to visit him, he would ask you about your life and remember specific things about you. He would remember things like your Mother's name, where she lived, where your family was from. JoePa had to have coached thousands of players and he would remember the little things about each and every player. JoePa gave over $4 million dollars to Penn State, while practically helping the University gain the moniker "Happy Valley." Students from all walks of life have stated the one and only reason to attend Happy Valley was because of JoePa.
His presence was, for lack of a better term, godly and it was evident when he was fired (the students rioted) and when he died. When was the last time a coach was fired and the students rioted? Here is a better question, when was the last time a coach stayed at one job for longer than 5 years, 10 years, 25 years, or how about 45 years?
Collegiate and professional sports, in particular basketball and football, are a cesspool of men who do not care about the school and his players but moreso about their own legacy and the bottom line. JoePa was on the opposite end of that spectrum. He had opportunities to coach in the NFL but passed on them because he felt he could make the biggest difference on the collegiate level. He only coached at one school and never had a thought of coaching anywhere else. For years, officials at Penn State tried to force JoePa to retire, but why? They started to succumb to the pressure of the bottom line when JoePa's teams were not winning instead of focusing on what was more important which was the graduation of young men who would go on to be great citizens and do great things. Penn State forgot that the players were students FIRST and athletes second and their mission was to graduate the student. JoePa represented everything that was right about collegiate sports.
My birthday was this past Saturday, 21st, JoePa died the 22nd; I turned 34, he died at the age of 85. He coached 46 years, I have not even lived that long! I can only hope I have the kind of impact he has had on so many. He died a man's man...
Monday, January 9, 2012
No Competition, We Are All Happy!!
First off I would like to give a big "Blu-Phi" to all the Brothers of the Illustrious Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc and wish all my Brothers a Happy 98th Founders' Day TODAY!!!
Also, if I have not said it already, Happy New Year and I wish you all, my readers, the best in 2012!
I was reading an article during my travels in Vibe magazine, an interview with Lil Wayne, quite possibly the biggest Hip Hop star in the world, arguably of course. In the article, he says, "Music isn't about competition no more. All the gangster rappers are happy, all the skateboard rappers are happy, all the white rappers are happy...Competition is for the old guys."
If you are not a Lil Wayne fan or you do not know who he is, Lil Wayne is the face of the next generation of young people, as a matter of fact they should be called Generation W for Generation Wayne. Oftentimes, if you find yourself trying to understand the next generation, go and listen to one of his songs, you may be enlightened and in a better position to communicate with your sons and daughters!
This is what really worries me about his sentiments and what I want to talk about. Man, from the beginning of time, has always been in competition. Competition is what drives any man to be better than he was yesterday. When we are young boys, the most popular boy was the kid who ran the fastest or had the best grades or was the best at something in that school. We are taught that you should WANT to be the best, #1, and anything other than that is secondary, loser, losing. "Second place only means you are the first loser!"
Anybody know who the Mavs beat last year for the NBA Title, Packers beat in last year's Super Bowl? As a society, we love winners and want to be part of and cheer for a winner. Somewhere in the space time continuum, we decided to start giving out ribbons for the kid who came in 10th place. Huh? What? The proper response to someone coming in last is "Hey kid, you lost, try again! Try harder! Go practice and get better and maybe you will win next time!" Nowadays, its "Johnny you did a great job, way to go, next time you might get 9th place!"
At one point in my life, I was cut from the sport I wanted to play for the rest of my life. I was sad and mad initially but I did what the coached asked me to do, what areas he told me to get better in and come back next year and I would make the team. I spent the next 12 months doing just that and I was rewarded for my efforts and my improvements. And that right there taught me invaluable lessons that I hold on to, to this very day:
1. You want something bad enough, you must go after it and work hard to get it
2. No such thing as a free lunch
3. No one remembers second place
4. The King always goes home with the Prom Queen!!!!
Now, my lessons may have created a monster because I wanted not only make the team but I wanted to be the best, I wanted to win and I wanted to be known as a winner. I learned that winning is an attitude first and foremost and if you do not go into every situation with the attitude that you are going to win, you will lose...THAT SIMPLE!
Allen Iverson got a lot of flack for his comment that he did not respect Michael Jordan on the court but off the court, he felt he was the greatest. But on the court, Iverson looked at MJ as just another player he had to beat to win and it was possible. As small in stature as Iverson was, he always felt that he could win, he had a winning attitude. Michael Jordan was the same way which is why he has 6 Championships to his name.
As much as I dislike Tebow, I can say with all honesty that he is a winner and his winning attitude is contagious and has been spreading throughout the Denver Broncos football team.
We are breeding a generation of young people who do not value competition and therefore are becoming very complacent with achievement in all areas of life: academics, sports, socially, and financially. Ever wonder why we are falling behind in our education as opposed to some of the Eastern countries? Why are we starting to become second fiddle on the Olympic stage in almost all sports? Why are jobs constantly being shipped overseas?
We do not strive to be the best anymore, that is why and we are being affected by this and I do not know how we can stop it! Any suggestions????
Also, if I have not said it already, Happy New Year and I wish you all, my readers, the best in 2012!
I was reading an article during my travels in Vibe magazine, an interview with Lil Wayne, quite possibly the biggest Hip Hop star in the world, arguably of course. In the article, he says, "Music isn't about competition no more. All the gangster rappers are happy, all the skateboard rappers are happy, all the white rappers are happy...Competition is for the old guys."
If you are not a Lil Wayne fan or you do not know who he is, Lil Wayne is the face of the next generation of young people, as a matter of fact they should be called Generation W for Generation Wayne. Oftentimes, if you find yourself trying to understand the next generation, go and listen to one of his songs, you may be enlightened and in a better position to communicate with your sons and daughters!
This is what really worries me about his sentiments and what I want to talk about. Man, from the beginning of time, has always been in competition. Competition is what drives any man to be better than he was yesterday. When we are young boys, the most popular boy was the kid who ran the fastest or had the best grades or was the best at something in that school. We are taught that you should WANT to be the best, #1, and anything other than that is secondary, loser, losing. "Second place only means you are the first loser!"
Anybody know who the Mavs beat last year for the NBA Title, Packers beat in last year's Super Bowl? As a society, we love winners and want to be part of and cheer for a winner. Somewhere in the space time continuum, we decided to start giving out ribbons for the kid who came in 10th place. Huh? What? The proper response to someone coming in last is "Hey kid, you lost, try again! Try harder! Go practice and get better and maybe you will win next time!" Nowadays, its "Johnny you did a great job, way to go, next time you might get 9th place!"
At one point in my life, I was cut from the sport I wanted to play for the rest of my life. I was sad and mad initially but I did what the coached asked me to do, what areas he told me to get better in and come back next year and I would make the team. I spent the next 12 months doing just that and I was rewarded for my efforts and my improvements. And that right there taught me invaluable lessons that I hold on to, to this very day:
1. You want something bad enough, you must go after it and work hard to get it
2. No such thing as a free lunch
3. No one remembers second place
4. The King always goes home with the Prom Queen!!!!
Now, my lessons may have created a monster because I wanted not only make the team but I wanted to be the best, I wanted to win and I wanted to be known as a winner. I learned that winning is an attitude first and foremost and if you do not go into every situation with the attitude that you are going to win, you will lose...THAT SIMPLE!
Allen Iverson got a lot of flack for his comment that he did not respect Michael Jordan on the court but off the court, he felt he was the greatest. But on the court, Iverson looked at MJ as just another player he had to beat to win and it was possible. As small in stature as Iverson was, he always felt that he could win, he had a winning attitude. Michael Jordan was the same way which is why he has 6 Championships to his name.
As much as I dislike Tebow, I can say with all honesty that he is a winner and his winning attitude is contagious and has been spreading throughout the Denver Broncos football team.
We are breeding a generation of young people who do not value competition and therefore are becoming very complacent with achievement in all areas of life: academics, sports, socially, and financially. Ever wonder why we are falling behind in our education as opposed to some of the Eastern countries? Why are we starting to become second fiddle on the Olympic stage in almost all sports? Why are jobs constantly being shipped overseas?
We do not strive to be the best anymore, that is why and we are being affected by this and I do not know how we can stop it! Any suggestions????
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