I always tell people that after I transferred to Univ of Maryland (GO TERPS!) from Virginia Tech, I grew up, I became a man, in so many words. UMD offered a larger support system and there were professors, staff, and faculty that took a special interest in students and helped them to become leaders. Fortunately, I was one of the students who benefitted from the interests and was put into a position to learn some life skills that have helped me tremendously in my personal and professional life. One of those skills is Dining Etiquette.
It is amazing to me how many people lack dining etiquette skills. The most interesting part is that the lack of skills is not exclusive to one group or class. I have sat down with professionals from all walks of life from every race, creed, and color; some at the highest in their career, lawyers, doctors, entertainers or just the everyday Joe and have been amazed they do not know where their drinking glass is supposed to be or which one is the salad fork.
Granted, understanding and executing dining etiquette is not something you are born with but you can read a book or take a class to obtain the proper knowledge. Doing so can put you in a better position to land a job, demonstrate good manners, and to simply show that you are a gentleman.
Most Important Rule
The most important thing to know when dining is to know who you are dining with and where you will be dining. It is customary and respectful to RSVP to any invitation within three days of receiving the invite and if you cannot determine what to wear, always look professional. It is always better to be overdressed, at least you will look m'potent! First impressions....
When visiting someone's residence, try to come bearing gifts! Flowers or a bottle of wine are always appropriate and if you were requested to bring something like dessert and you know you cannot cook, do not feel obliged to make anything. There are bakeries out in the world that specialize in such arenas! And DO NOT BE LATE!!!!
Restaurant Entrance
First, when you enter a restaurant and you are finally lead to the table where your meal will take place, gentlemen, you are to:
1. First allow any lady in your presence to be sat first. As a matter of fact, you should pull out her chair and after she has sat, lightly push her in closer to the table and make sure she is comfortable.
2. If you have on a suit, do not take off your suit jacket, it is proper etiquette to keep it on. Now, if you must take it off, please offer an apology to the table and let the table know you are taking your jacket off (e.g. because it is hot) and place it on the coat rack or have it checked at the host table. If they cannot take it, you can then place it on the back of your chair.
3. When a lady comes to the table you are already seated at OR a lady gets up and exits the table you are dining at, it is gentleman-like to stand and acknowledge her entrance or exit. Once she has seated or has clearly left the table, you may sit again.
4. Once you are sitting and comfortable, go ahead and take the napkin and place it in your lap. Do not stuff it down your shirt like you are in the circus! And most important, DO NOT START EATING! It is chivalrous and respectful to wait for everyone to receive their food before everyone starts eating and in some cases, a group prayer will take place so please do not embarrass yourself by digging in nose first when your food first arrives.
5. Sidenote for the Ladies: The new Louis Vuitton or Gucci bag you bought yesterday, it really does not belong in the middle of the dining table. Please place it in a vacant chair, on a hook under the table, or on the corner of your chair!!!!!
Overall Basic Principles
1. If you are not educated in the arena in fine dining and you find yourself having to 'wing' the entire experience, take cues from the host or from others at the table. It is not a race so doing everything last is okay. Keep everything basic and use the utensils everyone else is using; do not try to get fancy and make a fool out of yourself.
2. I do not think I have to say this but I find that there are grown adults that still do this; DO NOT CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN! Yea, that spare rib looks way better on your plate than it does in your mouth. In addition, do not try to speak with your mouth full. If caught off guard with a mouth full of greens, politely put up a finger (not the middle) to let the table know to give you a minute while you chew and then you can address the speaker. To avoid a situation like this, try not to stuff your mouth, small portions will help avoid this.
3. Say "Thank You", "Please", and "Excuse Me"...enough said!!!
I think we are off to a good start, next week I will dive into the actual dining experience and even show sample dinner settings so the gentlemen are properly prepared for the most formal of dining experiences.
If you have more "rules" to add, please feel free and speak out!
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