The Washington DC Metropolitan Area (The DMV) is a wonderful
city to meet members of the opposite sex.
Now, I am not being totally honest here; the female to male ratio here
is around five to one and I am being generous so the DMV is really a great city
FOR men to meet women. This scenario
tends to create an atmosphere of continuous courting or lack thereof.
Men grow up under the notion that when we want something we
just go after it. Second place just
means you are the first loser and any woman worth having is worth working
for. Those sentiments stick with us for
a long time. We see these things play
out in bars, clubs, churches, grocery stores everywhere.
But men, we just don’t know how to act when we do come in
second place. Men believe that if we
just go be ourselves and go after what we want, we should win; until that first
rejection that changes everything.
Some men have been rejected more times than they can count
so approaching a woman is like breathing to them. Other men fear rejection more than they fear
God. If given a choice between being
rejected and stealing from their Mother, well, Mommy better hold on to her
clutch real tight!!!!
I, along with fellow blogger Millita Wright, will break down
both sides of this man/woman thing so we can all win and still feel like a man
at the end.
Lounge Scenario
Chris is with his pal Ed at a lounge and across the room
sitting by herself is Val. Val is
gorgeous, hard-working and has had a long week.
She is sipping on a Ketel One and Tonic with a lime wedge half full,
hair is up, exhaustion on her face.
Chris has proclaimed to Ed that he has seen his future wife. Ed tells Chris to be a man and go get
married! Chris approaches with another Ketel One in hand and this is what
transpires:
Chris: Good Evening,
my name is Chris. You must be my future
girlfriend…
Val: (smirks) Hi Chris…(thinking to
herself….that line is the worse!)
Chris: Do you have a
name?
Val: Chris, I am Val.
I certainly know it took quite a bit of
courage for you to come over here, drink in hand, and strike up a conversation…
but I have had a long day and I am just not interested in small talk.
Chris: Oh okay, what
do you do for a living that has you so tired?
You too fine to be this tired…
Val: Okay
Chris…(annoyed) maybe I wasn’t clear the first time. I am not interested and I would like to be
left alone…
After walking away rejected and dejected, Chris goes about
his business. Later that evening he sees
Joe Corny talking to Val at the bar and she is all cheese and smiles. Chris does not understand and will probably go
about being an a**hole to women for the rest of his life because he put himself
out there with all sincerity and was kicked to the curb.
Ms. Millita Wright...
What is the woman’s perspective?
Chris approached Val, assumed she
wanted another drink and had no idea why she was sitting chilling by herself.
Chris walked up with a lame line and hoped it would work. Instead of being cool
and just feeling her out…he chose to hit her with a line from the inception of
the conversation. If Chris walked by and said hello and waited for the eye
contact perhaps, he could have spared himself some rejection and heartbreak.
Women like for a man to be
confident enough to talk to her but also savvy enough to read the non-verbal
clues she gives.
As women, we also have to be crystal
clear about what we want and not be ambiguous…when approached by a guy as Val
was in the scenario, it is quite easy to just blow off a guy…but it’s a fine art.
How can you say “no” nicely but not give off the impression that you are
willing to have a conversation at a later date? One of my favorite lines is one
that I smile genuinely, look the guy straight in the eyes and say “Thank you
but I am all set and not interested…”
It’s a nicer no, but it usually leaves no room for a rebuttal….I then LEAVE
the area…Not only does this eliminate the opportunity to hear a bad name
blurted out , but it also keeps me from having to continue to explain myself
and say no thanks in several different ways…
Advice to the Guys:
If you walk up on a random woman,
read her body language…what is it telling you? Does she seem approachable? Did
she give you eye contact and did she seem to invite you over without physically
motioning with her finger? If she has the stink look on her face, it’s probably
a good idea to keep it moving for the next one…
I admit, some women are quite rude, couple that with the some negative energy
and there’s your unapproachable
one! ….but there is HOPE!! Filtering through all the smoke and mirrors will
prove success! Just read the non-verbal
signs...
I enjoyed reading your Facebook posts so now I get to read what you (and your co-blogger) are thinking beyond FB. Even though I'm married I can put myself in the single days and relate. I would think men in our age range would have learned what you and Millita are talking about, but maybe not. Looking forward to the next.
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