We are at the beginning of a new year and I think it is very appropriate that I speak on a lost art: ETIQUETTE! I do not know what is going on with Today's Man but if you really sit down and look at the way we act in public, you would think we were raised by a pack of wolves and not in a civil society. I like to think of myself as a gentleman but I know I occassionally fracture a rule here and there but I know I KNOW better so it is not habitual.
This week I will take a look at some general etiquette rules and over the next couple of weeks I will expound into others areas like dining etiquette, business etiquette, etc. Ladies, feel free to comment if you think something is missing. I will even try to re-introduce some rules that have been lost in time.
Greetings
1. To a casual acquaintance you may nod without speaking and a nod should always be returned in recognition. This rule has really disappeared since we live in a self-absorbed, selfish society! In certain areas in the South, this is still done but only among the elder statesmen.
2. Between gentleman, an inclination of the hat, a gesture of the hand, or a mere touching of the hat is sufficient. I still do this myself while walking the city streets. More times than not, the nod is returned but usually by gentlemen older than me; guys my age and younger do not understand this was standard operating procedure at one time.
General
3. Always be on time; even better, be early! I swear to you, I think a memo went out that said being on time was being 15 minutes late. It drives me crazy. In addition, if you are going to be late, it is polite and customary to call and say this much.
4. Always be polite. Even if you do not like the person, there is no need to sink to their level, be the better man.
5. This one is going to be hard but cursing should be outlawed. Ok, okay, let's say no cursing in public places or in mixed company. I know I have a mouth like a pirate so this rule will be really tough for me.
6. Do not speak loudly. There is an old saying, "The loudest man in the room is usually the weakest man." Why are you yelling on the phone on the train so everyone can hear your conversation? Why are you yelling across the movie theater like you have lost your mind?
7. Do not lose your temper. This is one I will have a little bit of trouble with! When you lose your temper you are showing the world you cannot control your emotions. If you cannot control yourself, how can you control anything else?
8. Do not interrupt! It is frustrating when people do not allow you to finish your statement. Active listening is becoming a lost art!
9. This one drives me nuts, do not spit! Spitting is already disgusting but if you must, can we at least be discrete about it. I suffer from allergies in the morning so in order to clear up my passages, I have to but I at least do it privately and certaintly not in front of ladies.
10. Remove your hat indoors. This rule has been basically fractured, broken, and burned. Anything on your head should be removed once you enter a building. And how bout you remove that Yankees' fitted while you are at the dinner table!!!!! Really, I already think New Yorkers are rude but are you just going to live it out right in front of me over my steak and potatoes????
I think we have gotten off to a good start. I would be interested to know if some of these rules are even feasible this day in age...SPEAK OUT!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
The Death Heard Around the World...
If you have watched 5 minutes of ESPN the last 48 hours or glanced at the news in the same time span, you would know that the legendary Joseph Vincent Paterno, JoePa, 46-year coach of Penn State Nittany Lions, died Sunday morning. Cause of death: lung cancer, but he died of a broken heart back in November 2011 when he was fired as Head Coach of the Penn State football team.
I remember being a young man and watching Charles Barkley play professional basketball and then him telling the world he was not a role model! Never understood that but as an adult I totally reject that notion and I suspect he does also. I think at the point we crossover into adulthood, we are all role models to someone (and looking at some of you all, this is a very scary thought) and we should be cognizant of that fact.
JoePa understood this, said this, and lived this notion. He wanted to use college football as a vehicle to teach young men about the most important virtues in life: honest, integrity, family, service, dedication and education. I am sure there were more but he was literally changing the lives of young boys and making them men. He dedicated his life to Penn State and help create a program that was near flawless when it came to recruiting scandals while maintaining a high graduation rate.
Current and former coaches and players have provided the utmost praise for a man they said changed the way college football was played and how it operated. One former player said that when you would go back to visit him, he would ask you about your life and remember specific things about you. He would remember things like your Mother's name, where she lived, where your family was from. JoePa had to have coached thousands of players and he would remember the little things about each and every player. JoePa gave over $4 million dollars to Penn State, while practically helping the University gain the moniker "Happy Valley." Students from all walks of life have stated the one and only reason to attend Happy Valley was because of JoePa.
His presence was, for lack of a better term, godly and it was evident when he was fired (the students rioted) and when he died. When was the last time a coach was fired and the students rioted? Here is a better question, when was the last time a coach stayed at one job for longer than 5 years, 10 years, 25 years, or how about 45 years?
Collegiate and professional sports, in particular basketball and football, are a cesspool of men who do not care about the school and his players but moreso about their own legacy and the bottom line. JoePa was on the opposite end of that spectrum. He had opportunities to coach in the NFL but passed on them because he felt he could make the biggest difference on the collegiate level. He only coached at one school and never had a thought of coaching anywhere else. For years, officials at Penn State tried to force JoePa to retire, but why? They started to succumb to the pressure of the bottom line when JoePa's teams were not winning instead of focusing on what was more important which was the graduation of young men who would go on to be great citizens and do great things. Penn State forgot that the players were students FIRST and athletes second and their mission was to graduate the student. JoePa represented everything that was right about collegiate sports.
My birthday was this past Saturday, 21st, JoePa died the 22nd; I turned 34, he died at the age of 85. He coached 46 years, I have not even lived that long! I can only hope I have the kind of impact he has had on so many. He died a man's man...
I remember being a young man and watching Charles Barkley play professional basketball and then him telling the world he was not a role model! Never understood that but as an adult I totally reject that notion and I suspect he does also. I think at the point we crossover into adulthood, we are all role models to someone (and looking at some of you all, this is a very scary thought) and we should be cognizant of that fact.
JoePa understood this, said this, and lived this notion. He wanted to use college football as a vehicle to teach young men about the most important virtues in life: honest, integrity, family, service, dedication and education. I am sure there were more but he was literally changing the lives of young boys and making them men. He dedicated his life to Penn State and help create a program that was near flawless when it came to recruiting scandals while maintaining a high graduation rate.
Current and former coaches and players have provided the utmost praise for a man they said changed the way college football was played and how it operated. One former player said that when you would go back to visit him, he would ask you about your life and remember specific things about you. He would remember things like your Mother's name, where she lived, where your family was from. JoePa had to have coached thousands of players and he would remember the little things about each and every player. JoePa gave over $4 million dollars to Penn State, while practically helping the University gain the moniker "Happy Valley." Students from all walks of life have stated the one and only reason to attend Happy Valley was because of JoePa.
His presence was, for lack of a better term, godly and it was evident when he was fired (the students rioted) and when he died. When was the last time a coach was fired and the students rioted? Here is a better question, when was the last time a coach stayed at one job for longer than 5 years, 10 years, 25 years, or how about 45 years?
Collegiate and professional sports, in particular basketball and football, are a cesspool of men who do not care about the school and his players but moreso about their own legacy and the bottom line. JoePa was on the opposite end of that spectrum. He had opportunities to coach in the NFL but passed on them because he felt he could make the biggest difference on the collegiate level. He only coached at one school and never had a thought of coaching anywhere else. For years, officials at Penn State tried to force JoePa to retire, but why? They started to succumb to the pressure of the bottom line when JoePa's teams were not winning instead of focusing on what was more important which was the graduation of young men who would go on to be great citizens and do great things. Penn State forgot that the players were students FIRST and athletes second and their mission was to graduate the student. JoePa represented everything that was right about collegiate sports.
My birthday was this past Saturday, 21st, JoePa died the 22nd; I turned 34, he died at the age of 85. He coached 46 years, I have not even lived that long! I can only hope I have the kind of impact he has had on so many. He died a man's man...
Monday, January 9, 2012
No Competition, We Are All Happy!!
First off I would like to give a big "Blu-Phi" to all the Brothers of the Illustrious Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc and wish all my Brothers a Happy 98th Founders' Day TODAY!!!
Also, if I have not said it already, Happy New Year and I wish you all, my readers, the best in 2012!
I was reading an article during my travels in Vibe magazine, an interview with Lil Wayne, quite possibly the biggest Hip Hop star in the world, arguably of course. In the article, he says, "Music isn't about competition no more. All the gangster rappers are happy, all the skateboard rappers are happy, all the white rappers are happy...Competition is for the old guys."
If you are not a Lil Wayne fan or you do not know who he is, Lil Wayne is the face of the next generation of young people, as a matter of fact they should be called Generation W for Generation Wayne. Oftentimes, if you find yourself trying to understand the next generation, go and listen to one of his songs, you may be enlightened and in a better position to communicate with your sons and daughters!
This is what really worries me about his sentiments and what I want to talk about. Man, from the beginning of time, has always been in competition. Competition is what drives any man to be better than he was yesterday. When we are young boys, the most popular boy was the kid who ran the fastest or had the best grades or was the best at something in that school. We are taught that you should WANT to be the best, #1, and anything other than that is secondary, loser, losing. "Second place only means you are the first loser!"
Anybody know who the Mavs beat last year for the NBA Title, Packers beat in last year's Super Bowl? As a society, we love winners and want to be part of and cheer for a winner. Somewhere in the space time continuum, we decided to start giving out ribbons for the kid who came in 10th place. Huh? What? The proper response to someone coming in last is "Hey kid, you lost, try again! Try harder! Go practice and get better and maybe you will win next time!" Nowadays, its "Johnny you did a great job, way to go, next time you might get 9th place!"
At one point in my life, I was cut from the sport I wanted to play for the rest of my life. I was sad and mad initially but I did what the coached asked me to do, what areas he told me to get better in and come back next year and I would make the team. I spent the next 12 months doing just that and I was rewarded for my efforts and my improvements. And that right there taught me invaluable lessons that I hold on to, to this very day:
1. You want something bad enough, you must go after it and work hard to get it
2. No such thing as a free lunch
3. No one remembers second place
4. The King always goes home with the Prom Queen!!!!
Now, my lessons may have created a monster because I wanted not only make the team but I wanted to be the best, I wanted to win and I wanted to be known as a winner. I learned that winning is an attitude first and foremost and if you do not go into every situation with the attitude that you are going to win, you will lose...THAT SIMPLE!
Allen Iverson got a lot of flack for his comment that he did not respect Michael Jordan on the court but off the court, he felt he was the greatest. But on the court, Iverson looked at MJ as just another player he had to beat to win and it was possible. As small in stature as Iverson was, he always felt that he could win, he had a winning attitude. Michael Jordan was the same way which is why he has 6 Championships to his name.
As much as I dislike Tebow, I can say with all honesty that he is a winner and his winning attitude is contagious and has been spreading throughout the Denver Broncos football team.
We are breeding a generation of young people who do not value competition and therefore are becoming very complacent with achievement in all areas of life: academics, sports, socially, and financially. Ever wonder why we are falling behind in our education as opposed to some of the Eastern countries? Why are we starting to become second fiddle on the Olympic stage in almost all sports? Why are jobs constantly being shipped overseas?
We do not strive to be the best anymore, that is why and we are being affected by this and I do not know how we can stop it! Any suggestions????
Also, if I have not said it already, Happy New Year and I wish you all, my readers, the best in 2012!
I was reading an article during my travels in Vibe magazine, an interview with Lil Wayne, quite possibly the biggest Hip Hop star in the world, arguably of course. In the article, he says, "Music isn't about competition no more. All the gangster rappers are happy, all the skateboard rappers are happy, all the white rappers are happy...Competition is for the old guys."
If you are not a Lil Wayne fan or you do not know who he is, Lil Wayne is the face of the next generation of young people, as a matter of fact they should be called Generation W for Generation Wayne. Oftentimes, if you find yourself trying to understand the next generation, go and listen to one of his songs, you may be enlightened and in a better position to communicate with your sons and daughters!
This is what really worries me about his sentiments and what I want to talk about. Man, from the beginning of time, has always been in competition. Competition is what drives any man to be better than he was yesterday. When we are young boys, the most popular boy was the kid who ran the fastest or had the best grades or was the best at something in that school. We are taught that you should WANT to be the best, #1, and anything other than that is secondary, loser, losing. "Second place only means you are the first loser!"
Anybody know who the Mavs beat last year for the NBA Title, Packers beat in last year's Super Bowl? As a society, we love winners and want to be part of and cheer for a winner. Somewhere in the space time continuum, we decided to start giving out ribbons for the kid who came in 10th place. Huh? What? The proper response to someone coming in last is "Hey kid, you lost, try again! Try harder! Go practice and get better and maybe you will win next time!" Nowadays, its "Johnny you did a great job, way to go, next time you might get 9th place!"
At one point in my life, I was cut from the sport I wanted to play for the rest of my life. I was sad and mad initially but I did what the coached asked me to do, what areas he told me to get better in and come back next year and I would make the team. I spent the next 12 months doing just that and I was rewarded for my efforts and my improvements. And that right there taught me invaluable lessons that I hold on to, to this very day:
1. You want something bad enough, you must go after it and work hard to get it
2. No such thing as a free lunch
3. No one remembers second place
4. The King always goes home with the Prom Queen!!!!
Now, my lessons may have created a monster because I wanted not only make the team but I wanted to be the best, I wanted to win and I wanted to be known as a winner. I learned that winning is an attitude first and foremost and if you do not go into every situation with the attitude that you are going to win, you will lose...THAT SIMPLE!
Allen Iverson got a lot of flack for his comment that he did not respect Michael Jordan on the court but off the court, he felt he was the greatest. But on the court, Iverson looked at MJ as just another player he had to beat to win and it was possible. As small in stature as Iverson was, he always felt that he could win, he had a winning attitude. Michael Jordan was the same way which is why he has 6 Championships to his name.
As much as I dislike Tebow, I can say with all honesty that he is a winner and his winning attitude is contagious and has been spreading throughout the Denver Broncos football team.
We are breeding a generation of young people who do not value competition and therefore are becoming very complacent with achievement in all areas of life: academics, sports, socially, and financially. Ever wonder why we are falling behind in our education as opposed to some of the Eastern countries? Why are we starting to become second fiddle on the Olympic stage in almost all sports? Why are jobs constantly being shipped overseas?
We do not strive to be the best anymore, that is why and we are being affected by this and I do not know how we can stop it! Any suggestions????
Monday, December 19, 2011
Keeping it "Real", NOT Another Hood Story!
This week's year-ending blog was inspired by a WashPo article published last week and can be read here. See you all in 2012!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
This story does not take place in Southside Queens, NY or in South Philly, Brick City (Newark) for that matter, hell, it does not even take place in Compton. Ever heard of Farmville, Virginia, birthplace of the Lady of Rage ("Afro Puffs")? If your face is tight trying to figure out where Farmville is and who the Lady of Rage (the only famous person of note to come out of Farmville) could be, well you are just like many other people so do not feel bad.
The star of this story is a young, black quarterback named Charles Williams that now attends Fuqua School. Fuqua School is private and was part of a dozen or so private schools that popped in places like Farmville back in the 50s and 60s that only catered to white students. Farmville, population 8,200, sits in Prince Edward County and was one of the last counties to comply with the Brown v. Board of Education that desegrated schools. There was so much resistance, instead of desegregating, they shut down their public schools from '59 to '64. It is well known that the Prince Edward School System was one of the last school systems to give up the fight. Fuqua, originally named Prince Edward Academy, was founded in 1959 for whites only and was actually subsidized by tax dollars. Unreal how this was a little over 50 years ago!
Fast forward and although Farmville has Black residents, they all live in a certain area of the town and they all go to the same schools while the White residents live on the other side and go to the 'white school.' Fuqua did not accept its first Black student until the late 80s and the number of Blacks at any given time always remained under 5. Fuqua's President, Ruth Murphy, wanted to "diversify" her school and needed a way to change its image as being seen as anything but a racist school. She had to ask, "How do you diversify an institution founded to perpetuate segregation?" The answer would be a "black leader who is comfortable in two worlds;" the answer came in the form of a 14-year old named Charles Williams.
Charles is a big strong kid with a 'maturity' and 'intensity' that made Murphy a little uneasy; she once commented and later recanted this statement: "...he looked like a 25-year old drug dealer." I feel like there exists a book with precise decriptions of what a "drug dealer" looks like depending upon his age and this book is for whites only....sheesh!!! But I digress...
Murphy offered Charles a full minority scholarship (worth $7300/year) to Fuqua but he would have one condition: promote Fuqua among the Farmville Black residents. Charles accepted the scholarship and although he would be obtaining a better education he would do so at the cost of family and friends no longer supporting him on and off the field. He lost all of his friends!
Fast forward even further and Charles in now 17, captain of the playoff bound Fuqua football team, and known by many as the best athlete in the school's history. In three years, he has helped triple the amount of students at Fuqua to 15 out of 420 students. Still prejudices linger as he walks across school campus and sees words like "coonhunter" and "white power" spray painted but Charles has never forgotten who he is and where he comes from.
This story reminds me of some people I know, well actually, the MAJORITY of the people I know who are Black and had to be the first to do something or had to endure the hurt and pain of a racist past in what is supposed to be a "diverse" today. Our parents endured this tragedy first hand and will be the first to be dead set against attending "their schools." I remember coming home from college after my freshman year at Virginia Tech and my Dad casually saying that integration was the worse thing to happen to Blacks because we lost our sense of identity. I did not understand him then but I understand him now but that is a whole other blog, I digress.
I went to a majority white high school and I was the only Black male in my honors and AP classes consistently while being one of two black players on a 15-man roster basketball team. My teachers pushed me to form a mentoring group, called Reflections, that concentrated on students with low self-esteem. They felt I was the best candidate to talk to other students about something that plagues all students regardless of color.
While being an honor student and all-city basketball player, I was pulled over almost 40 times by Richmond's Finest in a year span my senior year in high school and NEVER received a ticket. I learned what "driving while black, aka DWB" meant first hand!! I also remember one night me and a friend of mine coming of a Blockbuster Videa and being stopped by two officers who said we "fit the description" of two burglars who just robbed a house across the street. They made us assume the position against the wall, they patted us down, and then took our mugshots on the spot while people were walking in and out of the videostore. I gave advice on self-esteem, after that episode, I needed somebody to give me some advice! I also learned what description I fit and it consistently was BLACK!
I laugh silently to myself when asked on a job interview, "what are some of th biggest challenges you have encountered?" I want to say, "applying for bank loans, picking up my wallet without being shot at, drive down the street in a nice car without being pulled over..." but I do not because what I don't want is sympathy or pity. I know who I am and what I am.
I just want to give kudos to men like Charles Williams and the countless others who have done this sort of thing since day one. A lot of us live in two worlds and we do this effortlessly, like breathing. They took a big step for men and stood in the face of adversity to achieve something greater than themselves. If you read this story to a Black man in this day in age, he will not be surprised; he would shrug his shoulders and say "welcome to our world." The only thing that is suprising is that it has taken the rest of the world this long to recognize this middle-class, Black male struggle.
This story will probably never become a movie or TV Show because there is not enough violence like the movie "Menace to Society" and it will not make you laugh like "Kings of Comedy." It is a story that may never get heard but it is living everyday.
Today, we have a Black President, something I never really thought I would see in my lifetime. There are very few counties, cities, municipalities like Farmville that exists anymore and I can probably go out on a limb and say there are not any segregated schools. The real question, are there still segregated minds? Is racism totally gone?
Some will say yes, some will vehemently say no. I do not really know, I just try to represent who I am to the best that I can be. But I will say this, if you ever read an online article and it has something to do with somebody Black, scroll to the end and read the comment section. Let's just say I am glad I am thick-skinned!
This story does not take place in Southside Queens, NY or in South Philly, Brick City (Newark) for that matter, hell, it does not even take place in Compton. Ever heard of Farmville, Virginia, birthplace of the Lady of Rage ("Afro Puffs")? If your face is tight trying to figure out where Farmville is and who the Lady of Rage (the only famous person of note to come out of Farmville) could be, well you are just like many other people so do not feel bad.
The star of this story is a young, black quarterback named Charles Williams that now attends Fuqua School. Fuqua School is private and was part of a dozen or so private schools that popped in places like Farmville back in the 50s and 60s that only catered to white students. Farmville, population 8,200, sits in Prince Edward County and was one of the last counties to comply with the Brown v. Board of Education that desegrated schools. There was so much resistance, instead of desegregating, they shut down their public schools from '59 to '64. It is well known that the Prince Edward School System was one of the last school systems to give up the fight. Fuqua, originally named Prince Edward Academy, was founded in 1959 for whites only and was actually subsidized by tax dollars. Unreal how this was a little over 50 years ago!
Fast forward and although Farmville has Black residents, they all live in a certain area of the town and they all go to the same schools while the White residents live on the other side and go to the 'white school.' Fuqua did not accept its first Black student until the late 80s and the number of Blacks at any given time always remained under 5. Fuqua's President, Ruth Murphy, wanted to "diversify" her school and needed a way to change its image as being seen as anything but a racist school. She had to ask, "How do you diversify an institution founded to perpetuate segregation?" The answer would be a "black leader who is comfortable in two worlds;" the answer came in the form of a 14-year old named Charles Williams.
Charles is a big strong kid with a 'maturity' and 'intensity' that made Murphy a little uneasy; she once commented and later recanted this statement: "...he looked like a 25-year old drug dealer." I feel like there exists a book with precise decriptions of what a "drug dealer" looks like depending upon his age and this book is for whites only....sheesh!!! But I digress...
Murphy offered Charles a full minority scholarship (worth $7300/year) to Fuqua but he would have one condition: promote Fuqua among the Farmville Black residents. Charles accepted the scholarship and although he would be obtaining a better education he would do so at the cost of family and friends no longer supporting him on and off the field. He lost all of his friends!
Fast forward even further and Charles in now 17, captain of the playoff bound Fuqua football team, and known by many as the best athlete in the school's history. In three years, he has helped triple the amount of students at Fuqua to 15 out of 420 students. Still prejudices linger as he walks across school campus and sees words like "coonhunter" and "white power" spray painted but Charles has never forgotten who he is and where he comes from.
This story reminds me of some people I know, well actually, the MAJORITY of the people I know who are Black and had to be the first to do something or had to endure the hurt and pain of a racist past in what is supposed to be a "diverse" today. Our parents endured this tragedy first hand and will be the first to be dead set against attending "their schools." I remember coming home from college after my freshman year at Virginia Tech and my Dad casually saying that integration was the worse thing to happen to Blacks because we lost our sense of identity. I did not understand him then but I understand him now but that is a whole other blog, I digress.
I went to a majority white high school and I was the only Black male in my honors and AP classes consistently while being one of two black players on a 15-man roster basketball team. My teachers pushed me to form a mentoring group, called Reflections, that concentrated on students with low self-esteem. They felt I was the best candidate to talk to other students about something that plagues all students regardless of color.
While being an honor student and all-city basketball player, I was pulled over almost 40 times by Richmond's Finest in a year span my senior year in high school and NEVER received a ticket. I learned what "driving while black, aka DWB" meant first hand!! I also remember one night me and a friend of mine coming of a Blockbuster Videa and being stopped by two officers who said we "fit the description" of two burglars who just robbed a house across the street. They made us assume the position against the wall, they patted us down, and then took our mugshots on the spot while people were walking in and out of the videostore. I gave advice on self-esteem, after that episode, I needed somebody to give me some advice! I also learned what description I fit and it consistently was BLACK!
I laugh silently to myself when asked on a job interview, "what are some of th biggest challenges you have encountered?" I want to say, "applying for bank loans, picking up my wallet without being shot at, drive down the street in a nice car without being pulled over..." but I do not because what I don't want is sympathy or pity. I know who I am and what I am.
I just want to give kudos to men like Charles Williams and the countless others who have done this sort of thing since day one. A lot of us live in two worlds and we do this effortlessly, like breathing. They took a big step for men and stood in the face of adversity to achieve something greater than themselves. If you read this story to a Black man in this day in age, he will not be surprised; he would shrug his shoulders and say "welcome to our world." The only thing that is suprising is that it has taken the rest of the world this long to recognize this middle-class, Black male struggle.
This story will probably never become a movie or TV Show because there is not enough violence like the movie "Menace to Society" and it will not make you laugh like "Kings of Comedy." It is a story that may never get heard but it is living everyday.
Today, we have a Black President, something I never really thought I would see in my lifetime. There are very few counties, cities, municipalities like Farmville that exists anymore and I can probably go out on a limb and say there are not any segregated schools. The real question, are there still segregated minds? Is racism totally gone?
Some will say yes, some will vehemently say no. I do not really know, I just try to represent who I am to the best that I can be. But I will say this, if you ever read an online article and it has something to do with somebody Black, scroll to the end and read the comment section. Let's just say I am glad I am thick-skinned!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Male Renovations - Female Landscaping
Happy Holidays everyone!!!
These past couple of weeks I have been throwing jabs to both men and women and how we can do better so this week I thought, "let's keep it light, funny, but address a serious matter!" Ironically, this issue is something that both men and women need to take a look at because we are ALL guilty. I am not going to speak from an "expert" standpoint because no one has ever really sat me down and said to me how to do this and when to do this and I am sure I am not the only male in my position.
The issue I am referring to is the "grooming" of the "downstairs" departments. How, when, and with what should men renovate and what are the rules as far as female landscaping??
From a male perspective, especially from a young age, "population growth" was seen as part of your Rite of Passage into manhood. It is akin to finally growing a mustache or beard or both. "I AM MAN, HERE ME ROAR" type of thing. Talk to a grown man who has to shave everything down there because of surgery; he feels naked, it looks weird, it is just not a good situation. So to even suggest that we "trim" or "renovate" that area will get you minimum a "you are crazy" look to maybe getting cussed out.
But there is some good news; as I have stated before, women control everything. If your man is used to you giving him "special attention" and you stop because you feel he needs to renovate, if your "special attention" is on the money, HE WILL RENOVATE! Now, ladies, he may need some help in that department. They did not teach us how to do such things in Physical Education class in high school. And personally, I would like some expert opinion before I go downstairs with anything that can cut!!!!
Now ladies, you are not off the hook because some of you have redefined the term "Busch Gardens!" I do not know the rules for the ladies so please enlighten but I know I do not want to have to go grab the lawn mower when I want to provide some "special attention." I have heard some serious horror stories but I will not divulge them but this is a problem!!!
So Ladies and Gentleman, SPEAK OUT!!!!!
These past couple of weeks I have been throwing jabs to both men and women and how we can do better so this week I thought, "let's keep it light, funny, but address a serious matter!" Ironically, this issue is something that both men and women need to take a look at because we are ALL guilty. I am not going to speak from an "expert" standpoint because no one has ever really sat me down and said to me how to do this and when to do this and I am sure I am not the only male in my position.
The issue I am referring to is the "grooming" of the "downstairs" departments. How, when, and with what should men renovate and what are the rules as far as female landscaping??
From a male perspective, especially from a young age, "population growth" was seen as part of your Rite of Passage into manhood. It is akin to finally growing a mustache or beard or both. "I AM MAN, HERE ME ROAR" type of thing. Talk to a grown man who has to shave everything down there because of surgery; he feels naked, it looks weird, it is just not a good situation. So to even suggest that we "trim" or "renovate" that area will get you minimum a "you are crazy" look to maybe getting cussed out.
But there is some good news; as I have stated before, women control everything. If your man is used to you giving him "special attention" and you stop because you feel he needs to renovate, if your "special attention" is on the money, HE WILL RENOVATE! Now, ladies, he may need some help in that department. They did not teach us how to do such things in Physical Education class in high school. And personally, I would like some expert opinion before I go downstairs with anything that can cut!!!!
Now ladies, you are not off the hook because some of you have redefined the term "Busch Gardens!" I do not know the rules for the ladies so please enlighten but I know I do not want to have to go grab the lawn mower when I want to provide some "special attention." I have heard some serious horror stories but I will not divulge them but this is a problem!!!
So Ladies and Gentleman, SPEAK OUT!!!!!
Monday, December 5, 2011
For Sisters Only...
About 3-4 weeks back, "For Sisters Only" Fair and Expo was back in DC for another year at the DC Convention Center. It's for women only but men are definitely welcome (or at least I make myself welcome) and they have food, live entertainment (national artists) performing Hip Hop and R&B, vendors, and panel discussions.
Some of the vendors represented different "areas" that the majority of women focus on or deal with in their day-to-day activities: fashion, hair and makeup, health, finance, literature, and relationships. I have attended this Expo for years and I never did take notice of something that sparked this blog; vendors that would fall under the category of "hair & makeup" and/or "fashion" were overwhelmingly crowded while the vendors dealing with personal finance and health probably did not see a visitor the whole day. It was like they were invisible!!!
Then I started thinking, which could be dangerous, as a society, even as a culture, do we care that much about how we look? Growing up I used to hear all types of stereotypes about Black people and one that particularly sticks out is how a "Black person will always look good despite not having a single cent in their bank account." Is this true? If I were to use "For Sisters Only" as a testing area for this stereotype, there would not be much argument to dispute this steroetype.
Even more compelling is the fact that these same women, who spend the majority of their time and money on how they look, are the same women who want a man to do more than just play PS3 and concentrate more on the family structure. You want men to do more, care more but as a woman, what are you doing to advance yourself and grow? What are you doing to motivate your male counterpart to do what you want him to do, what he needs to do? If you, the woman, are taking the initiative to care more about your personal finance and health, well then why should the man?
YOU HAVE TO BECOME THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE!!!!
This maybe a man's world but WOMEN run it. Men know that (we will never admit to it) and as soon as EVERY woman realizes it, you will see the changes you demand but you CANNOT ask to change when you refuse to change yourself.
I am not asking for any woman to ever stop caring about how she looks, do not ever stop caring!! But what I am asking for is balance and compromise. If you, my lady, not put so much money into that weave every month, I will cut back on the PS3 and the money that we save, we can put into an account for whatever we want it to be.
I have recently discovered the joys of a pedicure, CLAWD HAVE MERCY, and now I will keep going but why not go with the one you love. Ladies, you complain about your man's crusty feet, FIX THEM!! Take him with you when you go get your mani/pedi so he can see why they are important; he can get a pedi and you are now spending time with each other.
As a family, go see the doctor and ladies, drag that man of yours with you. Most men do not like going to see the doctor because "WE ARE MEN" and we are wired and taught to "tough" it out. Well, I do not know a man who has yet "toughed" out prostate cancer or any other cancer for that matter!!
We are a product of how we spend our money and where we spend it. Our environments, our communities are built and dictated by how we spend our money. Ever notice why there are so many shoe stores and weave shops in "our" neighborhoods? The same reason why CitiBank is not!!! One is profitable and one is not. Money talks...
Some of the vendors represented different "areas" that the majority of women focus on or deal with in their day-to-day activities: fashion, hair and makeup, health, finance, literature, and relationships. I have attended this Expo for years and I never did take notice of something that sparked this blog; vendors that would fall under the category of "hair & makeup" and/or "fashion" were overwhelmingly crowded while the vendors dealing with personal finance and health probably did not see a visitor the whole day. It was like they were invisible!!!
Then I started thinking, which could be dangerous, as a society, even as a culture, do we care that much about how we look? Growing up I used to hear all types of stereotypes about Black people and one that particularly sticks out is how a "Black person will always look good despite not having a single cent in their bank account." Is this true? If I were to use "For Sisters Only" as a testing area for this stereotype, there would not be much argument to dispute this steroetype.
Even more compelling is the fact that these same women, who spend the majority of their time and money on how they look, are the same women who want a man to do more than just play PS3 and concentrate more on the family structure. You want men to do more, care more but as a woman, what are you doing to advance yourself and grow? What are you doing to motivate your male counterpart to do what you want him to do, what he needs to do? If you, the woman, are taking the initiative to care more about your personal finance and health, well then why should the man?
YOU HAVE TO BECOME THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE!!!!
This maybe a man's world but WOMEN run it. Men know that (we will never admit to it) and as soon as EVERY woman realizes it, you will see the changes you demand but you CANNOT ask to change when you refuse to change yourself.
I am not asking for any woman to ever stop caring about how she looks, do not ever stop caring!! But what I am asking for is balance and compromise. If you, my lady, not put so much money into that weave every month, I will cut back on the PS3 and the money that we save, we can put into an account for whatever we want it to be.
I have recently discovered the joys of a pedicure, CLAWD HAVE MERCY, and now I will keep going but why not go with the one you love. Ladies, you complain about your man's crusty feet, FIX THEM!! Take him with you when you go get your mani/pedi so he can see why they are important; he can get a pedi and you are now spending time with each other.
As a family, go see the doctor and ladies, drag that man of yours with you. Most men do not like going to see the doctor because "WE ARE MEN" and we are wired and taught to "tough" it out. Well, I do not know a man who has yet "toughed" out prostate cancer or any other cancer for that matter!!
We are a product of how we spend our money and where we spend it. Our environments, our communities are built and dictated by how we spend our money. Ever notice why there are so many shoe stores and weave shops in "our" neighborhoods? The same reason why CitiBank is not!!! One is profitable and one is not. Money talks...
Monday, November 28, 2011
Special Turkey Edition - Top 12 Reasons Why Good Men Are Single
I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving and since your belly's are stuffed with turkey and ham, I decided to go ahead and start some trouble today!!! I found an article that listed the "Top 12 Reasons Why Good Black Men Are Single" but I decided to take out "Black" because I believe this issue is really colorless at this point and these reasons apply to all. Read, Enjoy, and of course comment!!!!
1. They keep meeting women with unrealistic expectations for what they want in a man.
2. They keep meeting women who put them in the wrong category by writing them off too quickly as not being "their type".
3. They're not wanted because they're not needed. Too many women have told them that they don't "need" a man.
4. They keep meeting women who don't respect them just because they "are" men.
5. They keep failing women's Girlfriend Approval Test. If the woman's friends don't like them, then that woman won't give them a chance either.
6. They keep meeting women who are not interested in them, but only in how much money they make.
7. They're nobody until somebody else loves them. Not enough women see them as a prize unless they see a lot of other women chasing after them first.
8. They meet too many women who don't really know what they want.
9. They meet too many women who believe that single, good men are "too good to be true".
10. The RIGHT man at the WRONG time.
11. They meet too many women who don't recognize a good man when they see one.
12. They don't promote all the great things about themselves boldly or consistently enough to enough women
1. They keep meeting women with unrealistic expectations for what they want in a man.
2. They keep meeting women who put them in the wrong category by writing them off too quickly as not being "their type".
3. They're not wanted because they're not needed. Too many women have told them that they don't "need" a man.
4. They keep meeting women who don't respect them just because they "are" men.
5. They keep failing women's Girlfriend Approval Test. If the woman's friends don't like them, then that woman won't give them a chance either.
6. They keep meeting women who are not interested in them, but only in how much money they make.
7. They're nobody until somebody else loves them. Not enough women see them as a prize unless they see a lot of other women chasing after them first.
8. They meet too many women who don't really know what they want.
9. They meet too many women who believe that single, good men are "too good to be true".
10. The RIGHT man at the WRONG time.
11. They meet too many women who don't recognize a good man when they see one.
12. They don't promote all the great things about themselves boldly or consistently enough to enough women
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