Over the last couple of weeks the biggest sports story is the Jonathan Martin and Richie Incognito "bullying" case. Opinions have been flying while parts of the story still continue to come out. If you are unfamiliar with the case, Martin and Incognito are both Offensive Lineman for the Miami Dolphins and apparently they are not playing well together. Martin is accusing Incognito of "bullying" him via rookie hazing; Incognito has apparently pulled pranks and left very nasty voicemail messages on Martin's phone. Incognito has come out with his side of the story. You can Google any one of these names and more than a dozen stories will come up if you want a more detailed account of the situation.
After trying to read all the facts, gathering as much information as I can, and listening to all the talking heads there appears to be plenty of blame and a lot of important lessons to be learned. It took me a while to figure out how I felt about this debacle and it has caused an even more difficult time trying to write about it. Then I went to church...
I attend Reid Temple in Maryland as often as I can and this week guest Pastor Tobias did his sermon on 1 Kings 18: 40-46; God is about to reign in your life. It was Pastor Tobias' eloquent (and I use this term loosely) delivery of this sermon that helped me get over the hump and decide where I stood with all of this. I will come back to this...
Let's take a look at some different perspectives (Question/Answer):
Question: One might ask how does a 6'5'', 312-pound offensive lineman get bullied in the NFL considering he is probably one of the biggest players on the team?
Answer: Very easily! Anyone is susceptible to bullying because it has nothing to do with how big you are, it has everything to do with how mentally tough you are. Bullies are weak people who prey on other weak individuals. Bullies stop bullying when the person being bullied stands up for themselves and punches the bully in the mouth or does something that shows that the bullying will stop. It does not have to be something physical that stops the bullying but oftentimes this is the best remedy!
Question: Why didn't Jonathan Martin stick up for himself and do something to stop the bullying from Richie Incognito?
Answer: Jonathan did do something; he broke down in the cafeteria (where the last prank by Incognito was conducted), pretty much threw a tantrum, took a leave of absence from the team only to tell very few that he was leaving because of the constant "harassment", "abuse", and "bullying" from his teammate. Martin finally told the Head Coach that he mentally could not perform because of Incognito so he was not going to play until further notice. A lot of people feel as though that Jonathan took the right course of action; he did not take matters into his own hands by "fighting" Incognito but he decided to tell his coach and leave the team.
Question: What is wrong with Jonathan's approach to the situation? He took the high-road and decided to go to the authorities put into place, express his feelings and frustrations, and remove himself from the situation.
Answer: There are a number of problems with Mr. Martin's approach and I will try my best to present all of them to you:
1. A man has to have rules, a code, for himself that he lives by and these rules, if broken, have consequences. Jonathan Martin was being bullied by a teammate and according to all accounts, he never approached him like a man and said, "Hey Incognito, enough is enough. I know I am the young guy in the locker room but I think I have taken enough abuse. Please stop." As a man, when you make a statement like such, you have pretty much drawn the line in the sand and basically have told all that I am done taking abuse and if it continues, I will be forced to "thrash" you. A man will respect that sentiment and leave you alone; a bully will ignore you and keep bullying thus forcing you to do something you don't want to do but HAS to be done...a punch in the mouth (the consequence).
According to Incognito, this is what he was trying to do to Martin. Martin was left a vm by Incognito and it contained many references to the N-word. Also, somewhere it was said that Martin was required to pay for a dinner tab that amounted to $15,000 (some reports have said $30,000). Remember those rules I mentioned earlier that every man should have...well...Martin's "rules" must not have included being pimped for money and being a called a racial epithet. At any point should anyone do anything that they are uncomfortable with in any situation, in particularly the locker room, they should not do it. Sterling Sharpe said it way better than I could.
2. The locker room is a sanctuary, a place for a team to bond, socialize, build, and most of all, trust. The locker room is a place for athletes to air out problems that exist within the team (e.g. player's only meetings), to celebrate, to cry, and oftentimes fool around because boys will be boys. All locker rooms are different and have their own rules. Most, if not all, have rookie "hazing" traditions that can date back years. Some veterans make the rookies carry their bags on road trips, some rookies are required to buy breakfast and/or coffee and donuts for some of the vets while other rookies are required to sing the team fight song in front of the entire team. Activities like these provide humility to the rookies and it allows them the ability to become part of the culture of the team. As a rookie, you want to be part of the team, you do not want that guy who thinks he is better than everyone else or is not liked by his own teammates because in sports like football and basketball, no one individual can win the game, it is a team sport thus it takes the TEAM to win. Rookie hazing activities help to drive this point.
3. If Martin could not approach a teammate or the team captain about Incognito, shame on his teammates. Shame on the leadership of the Miami Dolphins for not stepping in and taking care of one of their own. This media circus surrounding this issue should not have occurred. The sanctity of the Miami Dolphin locker room has been broken and what gives a team its mystique, what makes a team special is now broken and been exposed for the world to see. This should have been handled in-house. If you have a system to "break-in" rookies then you should have a system that protects them also. There is always one or two teammates that take the hazing a step too far and it is up to leadership to keep those guys in check. This did not happen and Martin's teammates are the blame.
4. I mentioned the sermon delivered to me by Pastor Tobias this past Sunday. The lessons to be learned that day:
- If you are God-Fearing man, you will have problems, you will have struggles
- Be willing to climb that mountain; basically, DEAL WITH IT!
- If someone tries to stand in your way, throw up your gang sign (make your arms into a Cross)!!!!
Ironically, Pastor Tobias is a native Washingtonian that attended Coolidge HS and played football. And he talked about how they would always get their butts kicked by Cardozo HS every year. But, during his Senior year, Pastor Tobias and his teammates decided one glorious day that they would triumph over their arch rival! And sure enough, they did!
Jonathan Martin is a professional football player which means he has played the game and dedicated his life to it. Not only is Martin in a profession he loves but he is getting paid to do it!! Despite these facts, he let one man come and take it all away from him. Martin allowed Incognito to force him to walk away from the sport he loves and has dedicated his life too. We all have struggles, we all have mountains to climb, and we all have that one person or persons that will try to prevent us from what is rightfully ours and that is the person you throw your gang sign up to! That is the person you stand up to...
I remember getting my butt molly-whopped as a kid in my neighborhood. A lot of times I would avoid fighting by running back into the house until one day my Father got sick of it and made me go and fight the bully. I was not allowed back in the house until I fought. Well, I got my butt kicked again! I had no choice, I wanted to go home at some point...lol. But I learned some valuable lessons:
- I fought, lost, and got back up. I fought another day...
- I met my mountain head on and climbed it..I got over the fear of losing, being humiliated
- I stuck up for myself. I did not know what I was sticking up for but I was fighting.
Jonathan Martin was supposed to fight for what he loved. Jonathan Martin was supposed to prove that he could fall down and get back up because that's what men do, fall and get back up. Jonathan Martin was supposed to stick up for himself and what he believed to be a wrong being done to him. Jonathan Martin was supposed to throw up his gang sign! Jonathan Martin was supposed to be a man....
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