Lucy, YOU Got Some 'Plainin To Do!

Last week caused quit a stir especially among the ladies.  If you did not get a chance to read the article I posted by CNN, please read.  I promised commentary would follow so here we go!!!

While riding to Norfolk State's Homecoming this past weekend, I was listening to Backspin and they played an old school favorite by a group called Ed O G and the Bulldogs called "Be a Father To Your Child," a Hip Hop Classic!!!  The lyrics to this song are right on time and before their time so please give it a listen.  After listening to this song, I thought about the article, I started thinking about my niece and nephew, I started thinking about my own parents, particularly my Father.  Was my Father the perfect Dad? No, but he was there and he showed me how to be a man...

Fast forward, while at the Homecoming, I am sitting around with a couple of my Fraternity Brothers (shout outs go to Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc) and some of them are married with kids.  The conversation revolved around kids and it was interesting listening to these gentlemen brag and talk about their sons and daughters.  They showed pictures, smiled hard when talking about their achievements, baby-sitting duties, lack of sleep, I mean the whole gambit.  Not one time did any of them even peep words of regret, anger, or frustration.  As a matter of fact, they missed their kids and could not wait to get back to them.  It was absolutely wonderful to listen to these men being in their children's lives but also wanting to be there for every step, for every moment and not miss a thing.

At one point, these same men were not married, they played video games and they were not in college.  As time passed, they grew up, went to school and obtained degrees, they found the love of their life and put rings on their fingers and they put the video games down to help raise their children.  Were they forced to do so, maybe, but they made the decision to be Fathers, to be Husbands, to be Men! I do not know when this changed and maybe the men that know better are not teaching the ones that do not but I do think both men and women could do something to change this sad state of affairs.

LADIES~

Ladies, I have said this time and time again, if you really want to see men change, you have to demand the change and be consistent, never waiver.  You can first start off by changing your language; women oftentimes say they want a "thug," but not really understanding what they are requesting.  What you want is a man that will make you feel secure when you are with him but what you are requesting is a man that does not care about his life, much less yours.  What you are asking for and what you want are two different things and you get what you ask for. 

Men are listening so when you request a "thug," guess what will start showing up around you.  Give you a hint, throw you a lifeline...you guessed it, THUGS!!! Let's go out on a limb here and just think for a second, what if women stopped wanting thugs and started requesting smart, educated men?  I am not saying you will see a total shift in the population of thugs applying for college but I can say that the population will decrease and present something different. 

Ladies, if you want a man to take care of his kids, demand it or do not allow him to see his kids.  And then you take him to court!!!!  You want a man to be educated, buy him a book, demand more from him than the High School Diploma.  If you want him to stop playing video games, stop buying him the PS2!

I am not saying it is going to be easy at all but women do have a certain power over men that if you used for good, could lead to the betterment of man.  And please do not say it is not your responsibility because if you want something, if you want someone, you are just as much part of the problem as well as the solution!

FELLAS~

It is simple: WE ARE FAILING OUR WOMEN!  For those of us that know better and are doing what you are suppose to be doing, it is now up to us to look at the man next to us who is not and pull him up and hold him accountable and responsible for what he should be doing.  We need to press upon the fact that it is NOT COOL to play games and ignore your wife and children; it is NOT COOL not to have a degree and to be a productive member of society. It is NOT COOL to not conduct yourself as the MAN you are suppose to be. 

We also have to start talking to the young boys, as soon as they can utter a word, and press upon them not only what a man is but also, HOW to be one.  But that would require us to spend time with them and not with the Wii.

I do not want to come off like I am preaching but that article did make my blood boil a little.  I did not necessarily take it personal but I know I could always do more.  If you have other solutions, SPEAK OUT!!!!

Umm, Larry, You Got Some 'Plainin To Do

I am going to do something that I have never done before but a good friend of mine sent me this article and it just had to be posted in its entirety.  After reading it, the worse part is, there is nothing in here I can honestly refute...PLEASE READ!!!

COMMENTARY ON THIS ARTICLE WILL CONTINUE NEXT WEEK!

For the first time in history, women are better educated, more ambitious and arguably more successful than men. Now, society has rightly celebrated the ascension of one sex. We said, "You go girl," and they went. We celebrate the ascension of women but what will we do about what appears to be the very real decline of the other sex? The data does not bode well for men. In 1970, men earned 60% of all college degrees. In 1980, the figure fell to 50%, by 2006 it was 43%. Women now surpass men in college degrees by almost three to two. Women's earnings grew 44% in real dollars from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6% growth for men.

William J. Bennett

In 1950, 5% of men at the prime working age were unemployed. As of last year, 20% were not working, the highest ever recorded. Men still maintain a majority of the highest paid and most powerful occupations, but women are catching them and will soon be passing them if this trend continues.
The warning signs for men stretch far beyond their wallets. Men are more distant from a family or their children then they have ever been. The out-of-wedlock birthrate is more than 40% in America. In 1960, only 11% of children in the U.S. lived apart from their fathers. In 2010, that share had risen to 27%. Men are also less religious than ever before. According to Gallup polling, 39% of men reported attending church regularly in 2010, compared to 47% of women.
If you don't believe the numbers, just ask young women about men today. You will find them talking about prolonged adolescence and men who refuse to grow up. I've heard too many young women asking, "Where are the decent single men?" There is a maturity deficit among men out there, and men are falling behind.
This decline in founding virtues -- work, marriage, and religion -- has caught the eye of social commentators from all corners. In her seminal article, "The End of Men," Hanna Rosin unearthed the unprecedented role reversal that is taking place today. "Man has been the dominant sex since, well, the dawn of mankind. But for the first time in human history, that is changing—and with shocking speed," writes Rosin. The changes in modern labor -- from backs to brains -- have catapulted women to the top of the work force, leaving men in their dust.
Hanna Rosin: Are women leaving men behind?
Man's response has been pathetic. Today, 18-to- 34-year-old men spend more time playing video games a day than 12-to- 17-year-old boys. While women are graduating college and finding good jobs, too many men are not going to work, not getting married and not raising families. Women are beginning to take the place of men in many ways. This has led some to ask: do we even need men?
So what's wrong? Increasingly, the messages to boys about what it means to be a man are confusing. The machismo of the street gang calls out with a swagger. Video games, television and music offer dubious lessons to boys who have been abandoned by their fathers. Some coaches and drill sergeants bark, "What kind of man are you?" but don't explain.
Movies are filled with stories of men who refuse to grow up and refuse to take responsibility in relationships. Men, some obsessed with sex, treat women as toys to be discarded when things get complicated. Through all these different and conflicting signals, our boys must decipher what it means to be a man, and for many of them it is harder to figure out.
For boys to become men, they need to be guided through advice, habit, instruction, example and correction. It is true in all ages. Someone once characterized the two essential questions Plato posed as: Who teaches the children, and what do we teach them? Each generation of men and women have an obligation to teach the younger males (and females of course) coming behind them. William Wordsworth said, "What we have loved, others will love, and we will teach them how." When they fail in that obligation, trouble surely follows.
We need to respond to this culture that sends confusing signals to young men, a culture that is agnostic about what it wants men to be, with a clear and achievable notion of manhood.
The Founding Fathers believed, and the evidence still shows, that industriousness, marriage and religion are a very important basis for male empowerment and achievement. We may need to say to a number of our twenty-something men, "Get off the video games five hours a day, get yourself together, get a challenging job and get married." It's time for men to man up.

NBA Lockout

It has been reported that if the NBA lockout forces the cancellation of the 2011-2012 season, according to Amare Stoudemire of the Knicks, NBA players will give a "serious" consideration to starting their own league. 

At first this sounds very farfetched but then again, is it really?  Of course there would be hurdles to overcome that include finding a source for player salaries, game venues, broadcast rights and player insurance.   Then I started thinking, if the players pooled their money together (a percentage so the smaller contracted athletes do not contribute the same amount as the richer athletes) and then went out and built strategic partnerships with people like Magic Johnson, Oprah Winfrey (who has her own TV network), and other corporations and businesses interested in seeing a season happen, I am sure an alternate league could be formed.

Whether this could or would or should happen is really not the point here although I would love to see these athletes finally take a stand! Which is what this is about, being a man and taking a stand.  One of the main reasons why the lockout has occurred is that the gazillionare owners feel as though the players are getting too much of the net profits.  I really do not understand the issue with this seeing as though I watch the NBA for the players playing on the hardwood, not the owners; the players are the talent we all pay to watch! 

The players seem to feel the same way and are now taking a stand against being, in all reality, pimped for their talents.  The players know their worth and are taking a stand at being told that they are being greedy and selfish.

As a man, it is important to know thyself, to know what you are worth and to never settle for less.  If there is an issue worth fighting for, as a man, you need to stand up and fight, win or lose. 

Despite all the negative publicity that often surrounds the NBA and its players, I can honestly say I am rooting for the players in this fight because they are now finally taking control of their own destiny!

GOOD LUCK FELLAS!

Columbus Day Collab Edition: Yes, You are a Stalker When:

Growing up, I was not exactly what you would call the "Ladies' Man", that title was reserved for a lot of my friends but definitely not me.  Big lips, skinny body, big feet and pigeon-toed does not exactly lauch you to the top of the list for "Most Eligible Bachelor."  So to meet women, I would often implement "techniques" I thought were sure fire ways to land that lucky lady but now, looking back, would probably be considered stalker-ish by societal norms.

Stalking is an action that knows no primary race, color, creed, or gender.  It is kind of like sex, we have all done it at least once!  Hey, love makes you do strange things or maybe you did not take your meds and were a little "off" that day to say the least.  Does a stalker know they are stalking when they are actually in the act of stalking? Probably not but myself and my partner in crime, Millita Wright, are going to explore stalking techniques demonstrated by both males and females.

From a woman's standpoint (Ms. Wright), men stalk when:

1. Buying you and drink and then following you around all night at the venue…You clearly told him you were there with your girls, he insisted on buying you a drink and now…sigh…he is right on your neck!

2. Making a decision to stop dating a guy and he blows up your phone. Not just your cell phone but also the home phone and your emails…Not to mention the excessive texts…man..please get the hint…love don’t live here anymore!

3. Stopping randomly by the woman’s job just to say hello…oh man….you are walking outside and are about to run to lunch and guess who is waiting outside…that guy you told that you wanted to date other people…

4. Calling from a random number…if you are calling her from you own number and she is not picking up, then catch that hint…maybe blocking your number or calling from your boy’s phone is not such a great idea

5. Looking on your Facebook and seeing what events the woman is attending and “happen” to be at the event….then say “Oh, I didn’t know you were going to be here!” Dude…you knew because there were 500 people in the venue and you just happened to find her…

6. Standing by the bathroom at the club and talking to each and every woman that comes by…man…you are doing too much…

7. Threating to come by the woman’s house because you cannot get in touch with her…every woman is not up to scandalous stuff…they may be at the salon and cannot pick up the phone…..then the texts because she isn’t answering her house phone…unless she does this all the time….perhaps just relax and give her a chance to call you back.

From a man's standpoint (Mr. Moore), women stalk when:

YOU ALL DO #2, #3, #4, AND #5 FROM ABOVE!!!!!!

You know have been schooled on the art, and I use that term loosely, of stalking!!!  If you have more, please add to it!!!!  Some of us just do not know....

Can She Spend the Night?

So, you meet a young lady and you start dating.  First date is usually the boring "get to know you" and ask a million and one stupid questions like "where are you from?" and "where did you go to school" blah blah blah.  If the man can make it through the first date, which can be relatively easy if he just shuts his mouth and allows her to do all the talking, there will be a second date. 

Second date occurs and now you are just capitalizing off of the first date.  It is a little more interesting this time around, you are both somewhat comfortable and the guard comes down a little. At the end of this date though, a possible liplock is in store, maybe not!!!

Now the third date is here and this is where it gets interesting.

*****Disclaimer, the events being explained right now are not the reflection of what is SUPPOSED to happen, they are just pretend dates to help me get to my point*****

On the third date, she has had a long week and for some reason, she is feeling "hot!" She is looking to let her hair down and get loose and it looks like you are on the menu BIG BOY!!!!  All you have to do is show her a good time and she is all yours.

The third date is a success; you take her home, your apartment, and for the rest of the night the HORIZONTAL TANGO is in full effect!  Now hopefully you were not a disappointment and you lasted at least a good solid five minutes!!!  After you are done, the big question is:

DOES SHE SPEND THE NIGHT OR DOES SHE GO HOME?

What is the rule here?  I have heard arguments on both sides of the coin.  As a gentleman, I just do not feel right sending a lady home in the middle of the night.  So I will allow her to stay until the morning.  Does that send off the wrong signals? 

Does spending the night represent a "relationship" which would be moving too fast if you are only dating?

How do you "kick" your date out if you do not want her to spend the night? 

Inquiring minds want to know....

Any Given Sunday - A Michael Vick Story

As a football fan, it is fun to sit in front of the tube and watch smash-mouth all day!  Football is unique because you really do not get to see the faces under the helmets so it makes it kind of hard to recognize them when they are not in uniform.  Fortunately for me, I went to Va Tech with Mike Vick and was able to enjoy his collegiate dominance. 

If you ever been to Tech, especially in the 90s, the Black population was very small (less than 1%) and so we all knew each other or knew of each other.  As popular as Mike was, he kept a low key persona.  He never was the "life" of the party and that's if he ever attended any parties.  If he did, you would not know it, he would be up against the wall somewhere with his teammates.  I think in person one-on-one, he is a very humble, personable person while on the field he is a very confident football player, maybe arrogant but I think it is warranted.

We all know by now the story of this young man; he was caught and admitted to owning and running an illegal dog fighting kennel in a home he owned in his home state of Virginia.  He went to jail for 2 years, declared bankruptcy, lost every endorsement he ever had, and pretty much became the devil to anyone who ever owned a pet. 

Vick came out of jail and had to start completely over in all aspects of his life; he had to start over financially, he had to start over in the NFL, and he had to start over as a man.  The Phildelphia Eagles recently signed him to a new $100 million dollar contract and Vick has also landed a lot of the same endorsement companies, e.g. Nike, that supported him before he went to jail. 

Although my wonderful New York Giants stomped a mud hole in the Vick-led Eagles this past weekend, I have to admit, I was rooting for Vick to be successful, NOT WIN, but to be successful.  I root for Vick when he is not playing against the G-men and not because he is a heck of a talent or because he is Black or because he went to Va Tech.  I root for Vick because he stood up in front of the world and said he was wrong.

As a man, we often have a lot of pride and do not want to admit when we are in the wrong.  Vick could have made up excuses or looked for sympathy like that idiot Plaxico Burress but he did not; he took sole responsibility for his actions, served his time like a man and came back and has rededicated himself to the sport he loves.  He surrounded himself with people who cared for him and will show him the right way and I am sure he has had to turn his back to the folks he thought had his (not an easy thing to do). 

Vick did rule #1 in Man Code Law and that is admitting when you are wrong.  We can all learn a thing or two from this man because we all are not perfect.  We all make mistakes or lose our way sometimes and that is okay.  It is the willingness to admit the wrongs and make them right. 

If Vick never wins another NFL game, he will always be a winner on and off the field and will always have my support as a fellow man.  Eddie Robinson coached the Grambling State University football team for over 40 years and is one of the winningest coaches in college football history.  He said something to a reporter one day after a game, he said, "I just dont want to win the game, I want to win the guy."  Eddie Robinson did not want to just beat his opponent but he wanted his opponents respect and admiration and that he achieved. 

I think Vick has won the guy.

The Approach: A Collabo With Ms. Millita Wright

The Washington DC Metropolitan Area (The DMV) is a wonderful city to meet members of the opposite sex.  Now, I am not being totally honest here; the female to male ratio here is around five to one and I am being generous so the DMV is really a great city FOR men to meet women.  This scenario tends to create an atmosphere of continuous courting or lack thereof. 

Men grow up under the notion that when we want something we just go after it.  Second place just means you are the first loser and any woman worth having is worth working for.  Those sentiments stick with us for a long time.  We see these things play out in bars, clubs, churches, grocery stores everywhere. 

But men, we just don’t know how to act when we do come in second place.  Men believe that if we just go be ourselves and go after what we want, we should win; until that first rejection that changes everything. 

Some men have been rejected more times than they can count so approaching a woman is like breathing to them.  Other men fear rejection more than they fear God.  If given a choice between being rejected and stealing from their Mother, well, Mommy better hold on to her clutch real tight!!!!

I, along with fellow blogger Millita Wright, will break down both sides of this man/woman thing so we can all win and still feel like a man at the end.

Lounge Scenario

Chris is with his pal Ed at a lounge and across the room sitting by herself is Val.  Val is gorgeous, hard-working and has had a long week.  She is sipping on a Ketel One and Tonic with a lime wedge half full, hair is up, exhaustion on her face.  Chris has proclaimed to Ed that he has seen his future wife.  Ed tells Chris to be a man and go get married! Chris approaches with another Ketel One in hand and this is what transpires:

Chris:  Good Evening, my name is Chris.  You must be my future girlfriend…

Val:  (smirks) Hi Chris…(thinking to herself….that line is the worse!)

Chris:  Do you have a name?

Val:  Chris, I am Val.  I certainly know it took quite a bit of courage for you to come over here, drink in hand, and strike up a conversation… but I have had a long day and I am just not interested in small talk. 

Chris:  Oh okay, what do you do for a living that has you so tired?  You too fine to be this tired…

Val:  Okay Chris…(annoyed)   maybe I wasn’t clear the first time.  I am not interested and I would like to be left alone… 

After walking away rejected and dejected, Chris goes about his business.  Later that evening he sees Joe Corny talking to Val at the bar and she is all cheese and smiles.  Chris does not understand and will probably go about being an a**hole to women for the rest of his life because he put himself out there with all sincerity and was kicked to the curb.

Ms. Millita Wright...

What is the woman’s perspective?

Chris approached Val, assumed she wanted another drink and had no idea why she was sitting chilling by herself. Chris walked up with a lame line and hoped it would work. Instead of being cool and just feeling her out…he chose to hit her with a line from the inception of the conversation. If Chris walked by and said hello and waited for the eye contact perhaps, he could have spared himself some rejection and heartbreak.

Women like for a man to be confident enough to talk to her but also savvy enough to read the non-verbal clues she gives.

As women, we also have to be crystal clear about what we want and not be ambiguous…when approached by a guy as Val was in the scenario, it is quite easy to just blow off a guy…but it’s a fine art. How can you say “no” nicely but not give off the impression that you are willing to have a conversation at a later date? One of my favorite lines is one that I smile genuinely, look the guy straight in the eyes and say “Thank you but I am all set and not interested…”  It’s a nicer no, but it usually leaves no room for a rebuttal….I then LEAVE the area…Not only does this eliminate the opportunity to hear a bad name blurted out , but it also keeps me from having to continue to explain myself and say no thanks in several different ways…

Advice to the Guys:

If you walk up on a random woman, read her body language…what is it telling you? Does she seem approachable? Did she give you eye contact and did she seem to invite you over without physically motioning with her finger? If she has the stink look on her face, it’s probably a good idea to keep it moving for the next one…  I admit, some women are quite rude, couple that with the some negative energy and there’s your unapproachable one! ….but there is HOPE!! Filtering through all the smoke and mirrors will prove success!  Just read the non-verbal signs...