When you think of the word chivalry, words like "gentleman" and "noble" come to mind. Textbook definition of a chivalry: the sum of the IDEAL qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms; the rules and customs of medieval knighthood. Wow, that is deep! "Courtesy", "generosity", "valor", but I think the word that jumps out at me right now is "medieval" because that is where I think today's society has left chivalry, in the medieval times.
Why are the men of today not as chivalrous as the ladies would like them to be? I never took a class or read a book on chivalry; I learned from my parents who believed in raising a man who showed respect to the opposite sex. Maybe some of our parents are not teaching our men what the outside world will never do. In school you learn math, science, English from day one but I think our school systems are leaving it up to our parents to teach such an easy topic.
There is a flipside, are the LADIES of today demanding chivalrous men? I know I have been told by women verbatim, "You do not have to do that." Referring to me opening up the door. This bothers me on so many levels that I am going to list them.
1. Women RUN THINGS!!! If you do not demand it from men, as a total species, men will not do it. It is that simple. You can argue with me to the high heavens but if you all decided to cut off sex until men displayed acts of chivalry, men would run and trip over each other to open the door!!! Ninety percent (90%) of the time, if men are not thinking with their penis, we are thinking on its behalf!
2. Women confuse chivalry with being weak. A man opening up a door or offering to carry the heavy load you are lugging around is not his way of saying you are weak. It is his way of respecting the lady you are and being a partner to you in OUR everyday struggle. A man cannot make you or tell you that you are weak.
3. Chivalry is an act between a Lady and a Gentleman. All ladies are women BUT all women are not ladies. If you have to ask me the difference, then you are not a lady! Simply, a lady demands to be treated as such at all times.
Men as well as women are responsible for this art that is allegedly lost; I just think it is not re-enforced by all parties involved. Can we bring it back? If so, who and where do we start????
SPEAK OUT!
I actually LOVE talking about this subject, because so many people are misinformed about what it means to be a perfect gentleman and/or how to be a graceful lady. I pride myself on the presentation of “self”. The key word is consideration and understanding, but that’s because its much bigger than “self”. It is one thing to be a “second tier” gentleman… meaning you do the basics just because you want to impress (i.e. open the door, pull out the chair, stand, etc.). BUT it’s an absolute TOTALLY different ball game when you know “why” and reasoning behind the action. Most people are so stuck on themselves that they never give any real consideration or understanding to the person that you are seriously dating. One should ask “What can I do to SHOW this person that they are very special to me?” A “first tier” gentleman always walks a lady to the car, because he wants to make sure that she is safe at all times. A lady always says thank you, because appreciation is key. Long story short, it’s the foundation of every serious partnership… A first tier lady will always know when she has found a first tier gentleman.
ReplyDeleteFor me, some things are just common courtesy. I'd hold the door open for a stranger just as quickly as I would for my lady. But I do think that there is a respect factor that is important to some dudes to exude that is displayed when being "chivalrous". For example, holding the car door open for your lady, holding the door for her, helping her get seated and helping her with her coat. Now, if she can't appreciate that, then she gets put on bedroom only status or gets shown the door...period. I'm courteous because it makes me feel good and that's how I choose to define myself and therefore to exist in life. I don't do it to impress a woman or to even elicit a positive response. Yes, I want to be appreciated, but my behavior is not predicated upon her (or anyone's) response or opinion.
ReplyDeleteI have a teen daugther and her father is not around, but I try to tell her how a young man should and will treat her. When she has gone out with me in the presents of a man she only sees ALL doors open. Wait until we are seated before he sits. Never will she see me leave with a man and he text, calls, or blows the horn for me to come to him. I know I have scared a few boys off because I tell them how they will treat my yound lady, but I don't want anything less for her. Now the hard thing for her to want it for herself.
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