Over the next couple of blogs, I will be exploring certain dynamics between men and women and how man code plays a role. This week we will look at "Pillow Talk".
Pillow talking occurs between a man and a woman who are in a relationship (of some sort) and it simply means the exchange of information between those two parties. Oftentimes this "information" is about said man's friends and their adventures or vice versa. The term originated because it often happened in bed between the man and the woman. For blog sake, we will just look at the man's side of pillow talk.
Man is put into a precarious situation with a woman he is in a "relationship" with; this relationship could be just sex, it could be boyfriend/girlfriend, dating, or it could be as serious as a marriage. In any relationship, trust is very important and a lot of times we use the exchange of intimate and secretive information about either ourselves or friends with our partner to demonstrate trust. Whether this is right or wrong is irrelevant because it is human nature and men fall prey to this practice continuously. Let me provide an example scenario:
Jason is pledging the fraternity Phi Beta Mu and has been sworn to secrecy about any and all the activities of involving the fraternity. He has been told that he cannot tell a soul about what is happening. Jason has a beautiful, loving girlfriend named Ebony and Ebony has been worried about Jason. Ebony has noticed a change in his behavior, they are no longer having sex (HA!), he is constantly tired and for some reason, when he sits, he cannot seem to sit on his left buttcheek (HA!). Ebony has had enough and wants to know what is going on. Jason has to decide, essentially, between love and his future fraternity. Jason believes he can have both and trust Ebony to keep her mouth shut so he spills the beans about the pledge process.
Does Jason have an obligation to tell Ebony about the fraternity? Is there ever a time when it is okay to pillow talk? Speak Out!!!
Jason has every obligation to tell Ebony what's going on being that they are in a relationship. Pillow talk between a man and a women is a very intimate setting. It's where your able to tell your mate anything,and that's where it stays, on the pillow. Regardless of the situation you should be able to confide in your mate about what's going on in your life or someone elses. Whatever is said on pillow talk time is suppose to stay there, and that's where people miss up at. They have diarrhea of the mouth..your mate is your friend and you confide in your friend right ? So Jason must confide in Ebony.
ReplyDeleteBy code men should "take care of HOME first" If Ebony is the love of his life (i.e. wifey) than open communication, honesty and trust are everything in the relationship. A healthy relationship is such that situations like this are a no brainer... If HOME is truly the place where you can always be yourself no matter what's going on outside, one of the highlights in your day and a place where your heart can rest easy; than the answer is simple. Love doesn’t have to be that complicated.
ReplyDeleteI disagree, Jason is not obligated to do anything that Jason is not entirely comfortable doing, and neither is Ebony. However, if Jason feels he needs to keep Ebony happy by not keeping her totally in the dark, then he should keep the peace in his home/relationship by telling her enough to let her know that he's safe and okay, and that he's involved in something outside of her that 1)doesn't disrespect nor bring reproach to their relationship or either of them individually; 2)is something that is very important to him; and 3)the details he feels he won't/can't share with her are actually none of her business anyway. Everything in a relationship does not have to involve the other partner, a healthy partner in a healthy relationship can understand and respect that, and in all likelihood would prefer it that way since it would be reciprocal. If there is push-back from Ebony toward Jason because he isn't disclosing more intimate details...which don't involve her anyway...they both will eventually feel resentment toward the other. Jason for feeling pressured to disclose something (that is not harmful, damaging or disrespectful to their relationship) that he preferred not to disclose; and Ebony for feeling slighted and put off due to Jason keeping a part of his life separate from her, which most guys will admit (not to their women) that they'd like to have anyway.
ReplyDelete