Profiling: The $300 Belt Story

I first want to apologize for taking so long putting together another Man Code; my Master's program keeps me writing every week ....but no excuses, LET'S GET BACK TO IT!

This past week Barney's in New York has been accused of racial profiling.  A young man (19) came in to buy a $300+ belt and the young lady behind the counter thought the credit card used was stolen and so she called the authorities.  Turns out the kid saved up his money (approximately $350) to buy the Ferragamo belt and the credit card belonged to him.  He is now suing everyone and their mother!!  You can read the story right here.

I am going to share many different views and angles in this blog so stay with me:

Lady behind the counter:  It is no secret a place like Barney's has been accused of racial profiling many times in the past but it is also fair to say a place like Barney's experiences a lot of credit card fraud and theft. As a high-end retailer, it is important that they maintain their bottom line! If you have ever worked in retail, it is important to recognize or "profile" customers for their own safety and the safety of the store.  From her perspective, a 19-year old is buying a $350 belt...that comes off a little strange.  Why is a teenager attempting to buy a belt that men who have jobs can barely afford? Why would a teenager want to spend all of his money on a belt??

Maybe she asked these questions and more to herself and deduced that there has to be something wrong; he must be using someone else's money and/or credit card.  Interesting enough and as strange as it sounds, she is giving credence because her thought process is based on the assumption that a 19-year old would not buy a $300+ belt.

The Young Man Profiled:  The story says the young man (essentially a teenager), a college student, worked to save up $350 for this belt; I have no problem with any young person saving up their hard earn money to buy whatever they want to buy.  But that is not the point!  A very fitting quote for this teenager's actions: "No 14-year old boy should have a $95 shirt unless he is on stage with his 4 brothers!" This coming from the infamous Gordon Gartrelle episode of the Cosby Show.

Why not simply put that money in a savings account for a "rainy" day?  Why not invest your money in the myriad of opportunities being presented by the new phenomenon of crowd-funding?  Why not re-invest in yourself and your own idea to change the world??

A friend of mine came back from a pilgrimage to the Silicon Valley, home of start-ups like Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other big companies like Amazon, Ebay, Apple, and Microsoft.  He said that when talking to the employees of these companies, it was not a question of "if we can change the world", it was a question of "when and how we will change the world."  In that part of the country, nothing was impossible because they had already created what was not even fathomable 10 years ago.  Their community, that culture, strives on innovation and creation which is why they have changed the world!  Imagine being around people who are always pushing you to come up with and implement ideas that can CHANGE THE WORLD???  I am sorry but it seems people have created more with less than $350.

From an article written by Nicole Kenney of the NAACP: "We must stop the massive "leakage" of our money out of our communities. Currently a dollar circulates in Asian communities for a month, in Jewish communities approximately 20 days and white communities 17 days. Black community, 6 hours!"  African-American buying power is at 1.1 Trillion; and yet only 2 cents of every dollar an AA spends in this country goes to black owned businesses."

Now I know I am going to hear about how our businesses lack good customer service, blah blah blah, but it is up to us, it is our duty, to not only support Black businesses but to help correct the wrongs we see with the business.  I have been to all types of businesses that have poor customer service so that is not an excuse to not support our own.  This sentiment is very important because it takes me to my next point...

Gentrification:  We are all seeing a massive overhaul of our Nation's urban dwellings; it is happening across the country from LA to Chicago, Washington DC to Brooklyn where urban dwellers from 10 years ago are being "displaced" and "replaced" by a younger, wealthier demographic.  How does this happen?  From an article written by Dave Roos:

There is no definitive answer, but experts agree that before an area can be gentrified, it must go through a period of disinvestment, during which older buildings are left to languish, median income levels decline steadily and businesses move out [source: Slater]. Some neighborhoods still maintain a vibrant social culture and sense of community, while others devolve into urban wastelands.

Then the "urban pioneers" arrive. Urban pioneers are usually young, educated, adventurous, predominately white, often artistically minded individuals who don't fit the traditional demographic of the neighborhood. They build artist lofts in abandoned industrial spaces, open underground music venues and begin to leave the imprint of their alternative tastes and bohemian lifestyle on the neighborhood [source: Hampson].

Once a few pioneers have staked their claim, the neighborhood begins to earn a new reputation in the minds of real-estate developers and upper middle-class folks who used to consider the area unsafe or unwelcoming. As home prices increase in the nicer parts of the city and the suburbs, more adventurous investors are attracted to the character of some of the buildings in the neighborhood (crumbling Victorian mansions, stately brownstones with stoops) and their low sales prices [source: Hampson]. They begin to snatch up bargain properties and make attractive, modern renovations. Developers follow suit, buying up old apartment buildings and converting them into luxury condos.

For a short period of time, there is an uneasy balance in the neighborhood. Long-time residents are nervous about the infusion of outsiders, but admit that the new playground makes the park a lot safer for the kids and all of the new restaurants and construction work mean better-paying jobs. But then the lease expires on the apartment and the new landlord wants to raise the rent by 50 percent. Long-time homeowners have sold off and left town and rumors abound that some developer bought five apartment buildings on one block and evicted everyone. And then the inevitable happens -- the first Starbucks opens.

I have seen this first hand living in Washington DC. My friends and I laugh because there are "indicators" that show the process starting in a certain neighborhood:

1. New pavement for the streets and sidewalks

2. White people walking their dog or jogging in the early morning or evening

3. Starbucks opens on the corner

I laugh but it hurts because this is serious. This gentrification process leaves a lot of people that look like me without a home and sometimes a city without an identity.  I spoke earlier about how money stays in our community for only 6 hours.  Well, that's the "disinvestment" that starts the gentrification process.  If we are not spending money in our own neighborhoods,  how can you renew older buildings?  How can businesses pay their employees and maintain median income levels?  How can you prevent businesses from shutting down or moving out? Bottom line, if you do not spend money in your own neighborhood, someone else will spend their money in YOUR neighborhood and start demanding that YOUR neighborhood change.  

Ever heard of Chinatown? Sure you have because they exist in cities like DC, NY, and San Francisco.  What about Little Italy? New York. Little Cuba? I think I even know of a Little Haiti?  Anyone ever heard of "Little African-American" or "Blacktown"? Yea, I have not also!

Is it a stretch that I took a teenager who spent $350 on a belt and was profiled for it to the gentrification of our neighborhoods?  Should I have focused on the profiling instead like many of us have?  

Anytime anything "happens" to me, I always take the time to look at myself first and make sure that I am doing the best I can to be the best I know I can be.  That includes understanding AND challenging not only myself but others about how we think.  Was it wrong that this kid was profiled? ABSOLUTELY!!!  

I am 35 and right now when I take a look at my spending habits, the only dollars I know I consistently spend at Black businesses is the Black Barbershop (Shout out to Changing Faces) I go to every week where I spend a mere $20.  I am part of the problem because I did not understand the concepts presented at an early age which is why I am "programmed" a certain way now.  I am trying to de-program myself so I can do better.  This includes educating and creating forums to talk about how we think, what we do, and how we can change.  I am not worry about who is watching because we have been laughed at for so long, we just do not know it.

Rutgers Basketball: The Problem is not Rutgers, but the NCAA

If you have not been paying attention, which is okay, sometimes we all need a break from this very depressing reality, Rutgers University Basketball is now in the spotlight.  Take a look at the video by ABC News by clicking:

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/video/losing-rutgers-basketball-coach-mike-rice-18893923.

Yes, close your mouth, that is the Head Coach Mike Rice throwing basketballs, kicking and pushing players, and calling them not-so-very nice names.  As of today, Mike Rice has been fired, the AD has been removed, an assistant coach resigned and the President is on the hot seat.  As least the reaction was quick and swift but I am exploring this topic because of the varying opinions I have read about this story.  In addition, I will offer my opinion on why this is bigger than just Rutgers, there is something seriously screwed up in collegiate athletics.

Some comments I have read:

1. The kids could not retaliate because they are on scholarship and did not want to put that in jeopardy...

2.  The kids were afraid of being labeled as "un-coachable" or problematic

3.  No one would believe these kids were taking abuse from their Head Coach

4.  The kids have a close relationship with the Head Coach and they have bought in to his way of "coaching"

5.  The kid, if he retaliated, would have been arrested and charged with assault

6.  The kids have dreams of playing professionally and did not want the risk of being kicked out of school and not being able to play basketball anymore or worse

7.  The University allowed the coach to get away with this...

Are all of these comments wrong? Far from it, as a matter of fact, all of these comments are on point and I whole-heartily agree with them.  AND THAT IS THE PROBLEM!!!!

Let's rewind to circa 1986, I was eight years old.  My parents told me that if someone called you a "nigger", you were to fight them on sight!!  NO if's, and's, no second chance!!!  As the letter 'r' rolled off their tongue, your fist should be entering their mouth and knocking out some teeth! That was the rule.

My Father told me that if another person, outside of him or my Mother, were to put their hands on me without their permission, I was permitted to defend myself which means I needed to "put my dukes up and throw some hands!"  That was the rule, you did not start anything but you better finish it!

I use to get into fights in my neighborhood all the time, well, I would not call them fights, more like me getting my face punched in.  Sometimes I would take the beating, other times I would run back home and stay in the house until the next day.  One day my Father was home and when I was about to get my face smashed in again, I ran home but to my surprise, I was in for something a little different that day.  My Father grabbed me and dragged outside and told me to go fight.  He said, "you are not going to run anymore, you are going to go over there and fight that boy and you are not coming home until you do."

See back then, Child Protection Services could not save you and if you threatened to run away, your parents would help you pack what little you owned! But I digress...

Did I stand up for myself that day and fight. Yes I did! Did I get my ass whooped again. YES I DID! But after that day, something in me changed.  I no longer ran from confrontation.  I eventually learned how to defend myself and then I actually started winning some of those fights.  I still lost some but I won a lot more.  My Father taught me a lot that day; he taught me how to fight, how to defend myself, to stop running, but most importantly, he taught me how to be man.

These lessons have evolved over the years.  Am I willing to get into a fist fight at my age now? HELL NO, fist fights hurt!  But I am not afraid to stand up and defend something I know is wrong.  I know how to use my mind and communicate how I feel so I can diffuse a situation without it coming to violence. But it had to start somewhere...

Fast forward...

What is going on in college athletics that a student-athlete feels as though they have to be submitted to abuse because they are on scholarship? Or afraid of how the media is going to betray them? Or afraid of being kicked out of school?

What is going on in college athletics where such behavior is not only condoned but it is almost encouraged and explained as a tool for motivation? What is going on with the coaching profession that I have to call a kid a "fagot" or a "p*ssy" to get him to play harder?

What is going on with college athletics and its numerous student-athletes that they do not have the passion or motivation to play their respective sport at a high level?  What is going on with these athletics not defending themselves when they are being physically abused?

There appears to be an absence of rules, a culture based on money.  Personal values and development have been cast to the side for million dollar coaching salaries and the University's bottom line.

As a basketball coach, I love my kids too much to ever want to try to hurt them or revert to tactics of a Mike Rice to motivate them to play harder? Have I and the rest of the coaching staff ever been in a position where we felt the kids were not motivated to play? Absolutely! What did we do about? Well I can tell you what we did not do!

The thing that bothers me the most is that the head coach is in a position of authority and at any moment, he can take away the scholarship these kids need to remain in school.  In essence, the head coach holds the future of these kids in his hands.  The head coach knows it, the assistant coaches know it, and most importantly, the kids know it.  So why abuse that power?  Back in the day, we had a name for guys like that, we called them bullies.  Bullies prey on the weak or less powerful because they can.  Would Mike Rice square up with someone that did not have anything to lose, someone he did not control? Maybe, maybe not. I would have a little more respect for him if he could answer that question with a yes!

There are some clear issues that are part of a bigger problem that the NCAA is going to have to take a look at one day.  From a cultural standpoint, men are not taking their responsibility of teaching boys how to be men very seriously.  We are not teaching the rules that govern our manhood so that we all know the difference between right and wrong.  These kids took this abuse not because they wanted to but because they actually believed it was motivational. They took this abuse because they were not taught that there are other avenues that can be explored to motivate a student athlete.  They took this abuse because of the absence of genuine leadership and manhood.

The worse part is that an assistant coach, Eric Murdoch, stood up and made a claim last year that this was going on.  Because he stood up for what he believed in as a MAN, he was fired from Rutgers and will probably never be able to coach at the collegiate level again because he broke the code of silence that governs the coaching fraternity: You never rat out the head coach.

What are we teaching here? What are we selling to our high school athletes about collegiate sports? Hold on, let me take a shot at this:

"Son, going to play basketball at the collegiate level will entail daily practices, oftentimes occurring multiple times a day, no holidays, no spring breaks, rarely coming home to see family, being broke, subjected to mental and physical abuse by your Head coach and the coaching staff, and being pimped by the University as they make millions off of your name and talent and you receive not one red cent.  There is a good side; you have a less than 1% chance of going pro and if you do not go pro and you may have actually been able to be successful in the classroom despite your full-time job as an athlete; you will receive that Communications degree and be able to join the millions of others in the world who cannot find employment right now."

Don't get me wrong, I think it is a privilege and an honor to receive a scholarship and be able to play the sport you love and earn a degree for free. I do, I do, I do.  But do I believe it is worth your pride, discipline, self-esteem, and self-worth? Never, you cannot ever put a price on those things.  A man has to have rules, he has to have a line that cannot be crossed or he will never stand for anything. Ladies, you ask all the time why are the men acting so weak these days? They do not stand for something, THAT IS WHY!!!

Another article to read that falls in line with some of the topics I have touched on here can be read:

http://www.salon.com/2013/04/05/why_do_athletes_tolerate_abusive_coaches/

Post-Election Analysis Part 1: Home Team

I would first like to give a BIG Thank You to all Veterans and say Happy Veterans' Day.

Also, Congratulations to President Barack Obama on his recent re-election! Speaking of, the President's win has seen the emergence of a plethora of negative, racist comments and vile bigotry.  I was recently in a conversation on Facebook with an old friend and one of the things he asked me was why did I vote for President Barack Obama?

I told him I voted for him because one, I am a Democrat, and two, because he is Black.  He took exception and says it is not fair for me to vote for someone because of the color of their skin.  My friend is Caucasian and he is not alone in his opinion.  As a matter of fact, there are some Blacks that feel the same way; voters should look beyond the color of a man's skin and look deeper at his politics and what he stands for.  Here is my take...

"Blacks are mentally inferior, by nature subservient, and cowards in the face of danger. They are therefore unfit for combat."
                               -  1925 US Army War College Study

"There isn't a scout, personnel manager, or coach who will tell you African-Americans are too dumb to read a defense--as they would have in the 1940s, '50s, and '60s."
                               -  Bleacher Report (March 5, 2012)

"Quarterback has long been the position in football that has eluded the Black athlete. For one reason: the deep-seated stereotype that Black people aren't smart enough to learn the complex offense, defensive schemes and that they lack the ability to discern variations in blitzes..."
                               -  SBPDL (December 10, 2011)

I am inching closer to 35 and up until around four years ago, the term "Black President" was a punchline, a myth, urban legend, a rap lyric that likened itself to being a ghost or non-existent.  We would tell our children that they could be anything they wanted to be in the world but in the back of our minds there were some exceptions.  One of them being the President of the United States.

For as long as I can remember, Blacks have continued to break down barriers and be the "First" to do something, even in 2012.  This past Summer Olympics, Gabby Douglas became the FIRST African-American woman, as well as the first woman of color of any nationality, to win the Gold Medal in the Individual All-Around in Gymnastics.

I like using sports as an example for a lot of things because sports is probably the one place where color does not and should not matter.  As you can see by the aforementioned quotes, Blacks were not "smart enough" or "too dumb" to play the position of quarterback, arguably the most important position on the football field.  I have seen firsthand Black quarterbacks play the position all of their lives, even through college, and then get to the NFL and get converted to another position like wide receiver or running back.

Another place where color should not matter is in the military.  Do Blacks and Whites shoot machine guns differently?  I do not think so but 87 years ago a War College Study said Blacks were unfit for combat; that we were inferior and cowardly.  Ironically, today the Commander-in-Chief of our Armed Services is Black!!

Have I been told I could not be something, do something, have something because I was Black?  More times than you would care to know.  Am I alone, am I the only Black person who has ever been told that they could not because of they were Black?  Not even close!

Four years ago, a man named Barack Obama (he was not the President yet so bear with me) rose through the ranks and came onto the radar of millions who probably never heard of Mr. Obama, and became the Democratic Presidential Nominee.  Here is a man that has a beautiful family, a gorgeous wife (whom he has never cheated on), two pretty daughters, plays basketball, drinks beer, and has an addiction to cigarettes.  Outside of the cigarettes, this is a guy that I can aspire to want to be like; this is a guy I can sit down and feel like I can invite into my living room to have a beer; this is a guy I feel like I can go play ball with and he can ACTUALLY play.  Here is a guy who grew up in the type of neighborhoods I grew up in and it is likely he has had to face the same racist, bigoted hatred I have had to face.

His politics did not really matter to me because Barack Obama represented something more than just becoming the President of the United States.  And I am not downplaying that position in any way but Barack was about to transcend and change history; he was about to change the way Blacks were seen to the world.  Understand, up until 2008, there was never anyone of color who had a real chance of becoming President.  A win would change perceptions and stereotypes, at least that was the hope.  Barack would change the thought that Blacks were unfit or not smart enough...because you have to be pretty darn fit and intelligent to be President despite popular opinion.  He would change the image of the Black family; no longer would it be a single mother and multiple children with no father in the picture.  Barack would show the world that a Black man could get married, have children, stay with the mother and raise the kids.  He showed, is showing, that this is possible!  Barack will allow me to honestly tell my children that they can be ANYTHING they want to be in the world and there are NO exceptions.  He will show our children that it is okay and cool to be smart, wear your pants at your waist, and not have to rely on sports to change your situation but to use education to help create change. Barack was not just becoming the President, he was changing history, he was creating hope, and he was restoring faith.

As a grown man I see a lot of attributes in President Obama that I aspire to have or obtain that he exhibits everyday.  He demonstrates leadership, poise, calmness, restraint, intelligence, integrity, and transparency.  I emphasize restraint because I have never seen a sitting President so disrespected more in my life than I have seen with President Obama.  From the time the Congressman yelled out "liar" during a speech to the lady pointing her finger in his face when he was about to get on the plane to the multitude of nasty names he is called daily out in the open.  At one point he was called "N*gger" so often I thought that it was his middle name.  But you hear people say that racism has disappeared because we elected a Black President.  I can't tell!

So yes, in 2008 I proudly voted for President Obama because he was Black. And yes, in 2012, I voted for President Obama again.  Does this mean that I agree with everything that he did or did not do the last four years.  HECK NO!!!  President Obama could do a better job working with the Republicans.  I went to a post-election analysis with Charlie Cook and Stu Rothenberg and they stated that out of the 140+ golf games President Obama played in the last four years, he only played with 2 other Congressman.  Out of the 40+ basketball games President Obama had at the White House, maybe 10 other Congressman participated.  President Obama is not "playing" well with others and he needs to do a better job in that area.

President Obama is not perfect and neither am I but at the end of the day, I voted for the man that I felt I had the most in common.  I voted for the man that I knew would help create more hope and faith for our youth.  I voted for a man that I felt deep down he would do his best to create a better America and for that I do not apologize.

"That's Ghetto"

As a high school basketball coach at a private school, I have to actively go out and search for new talent.  This requirement sends me out to watch young boys play in tournaments all over the area from all over the country.  About two Saturdays ago I was in Bowie, Maryland watching a team from DC/PG County play against another team from Baltimore.  I rarely say anything about a child out loud because I am surrounded by parents who are often ear-hustling to see what I will say about their child so I generally keep my thoughts to myself.

During this particular game, I was seated next to a mother who had tattoos all over her body.  When I say all over her body, I am not exaggerating! There was not a limb, toe, finger, ear, etc. that was etched in ink.  She was a very sweet woman though and very informed.  Her son played for the Baltimore team who lost a close game.  Well, another parent of the opposing team walked past the mother I was sitting next to and said, "I am so glad we beat those ghetto kids..."

I was definitely thrown back from her comment because it was a basketball game and I am not sure what those young boys did to portray "ghetto" and she definitely offended the mother next to me.  She was so offended she jumped up in the woman's face and told her "Don't you ever disrespect those kids by calling them ghetto, they are not ghetto!"

It got me to thinking, why were they being called ghetto? Because they were from Baltimore city, a city considered to be high-crime and littered with slums?  Is Baltimore city considered ghetto because of the low economic levels of the people living there?

The word ghetto is a noun and it is defined as:

1. a section of a city, especially a thickly populated slum area, inhabited predominantly by members of an ethnic or other minority group, often as a result of social or economic restrictions, pressures, or hardships
2. a section of a city in a which all Jews were required to live
3. a section predominantly inhabited by Jews
4. any mode of living, working, etc., that results from stereotyping or biased treatment

As a an adjective, it means:

1. pertaining to or characteristic of life in a ghetto or the people who live there
2. noting something that is considered to be unrefined, low-class, cheap or inferior

So now I think of all the times someone says:

"That is so ghetto!"

"She is so ghetto..."

"That restaurant is so ghetto..."

We hear these things all the time and I think of what that mother was saying about those kids; she was saying they were low-class or inferior.  I would be very upset if another parent said that about my child also especially after a basketball game.  And of course it can be deduced that she only said that because of the name on the front of their jersey said "Baltimore."  

Prior to the gentrification of most of our nation's largest cities (NYC, DC, Chicago, etc), the majority of your ghettos resided in these cities and were inhabited by minorities, most of the time, Blacks.  And within these ghettos, a culture a existed that created pastimes that are not always socially "accepted" by society as a whole.  

Items like quarter-waters, syrup sandwiches, fried bologna, etc. and public assistance, aka food stamps, public transportation like the bus or the underground (train) were staples in these communities.  I guess because these communities were considered low-class in a very class-defined society and anything that hits the mainstream from these communities is low-class, thus ghetto.  Is that fair?

Maybe I am just overreacting...

Rape, The Other Victim

"Knock! Knock"

Someone knocking on my door on a Saturday morning was a rarity in my neighborhood and you never did so unannounced.  My Father answers the door and there standing is a young lady and her Father.  My Father, Mr. George Moore, politely asked in his Barry White voice, "Good Morning, what can I do for you today?"

The other Father said, "Yes, my name is Mr. X and I would like to speak to you about the rape of my daughter by your son."  My Mother and I overheard this and I think both of our faces fell to the floor.  George invited the gentleman in with his daughter and sat them on our couch.  George and my Mother, Shelli, sat on one couch, the Father and daughter on the other while I sat on the stairs in plain site.

Rewind about 10 hours ago:

I get a beep from this girl that has been telling me for the past few weeks in school she wants to sex me.  I was 16 and still a virgin; all of my friends had been engaging in sexual acts for "years" now so I literally was the Last of the Mohicans.  I was captain on the basketball team and a pretty popular person in and outside my school and even though sex was not openly talked about, you knew who was doing it and who was not.  My friends knew I was still a virgin but it was not public knowledge.  At one point, they tried to de-virginize me by basically throwing a girl onto me but I did not want it to go down this way, I wanted to lose my virginity my way.

I was not expecting some nice planned out situation to lose it but I did not want to turn it into some sort of bartering exchange of goods and services.  So I finally took this young lady up on her offer and told her to beep me Friday night when she was ready to do the do.  Now, I am only 16 and I still live at home so it is not like I had a spot to take her to nor did I have the money for a cheap motel.  So I did what any young, horny teenager would do in this situation, we did the do in my hooptie!

She beeped me late in the evening and that was the signal for me to come pick her up from her house.  She would sneak out (her parents were very strict) and we would go and park in the park.  We did what we wanted to do and I was no longer a virgin.  I took her home and she would sneak back into her home.

Well apparently she did not do a good job because she was at my house the next morning accusing me of rape!

Back to Saturday Morning:

"Your son raped my daughter last night and I want to know what you are going to do about it..." the Father said to George.  George, without hesitation, responded, "My son would never rape your daughter or any other women.  I would like to hear from your daughter what happened and my son will explain the events of this 'alleged' rape."

At this point, George nor my Mother ever asked me if I raped anybody and they did not have to.  They raised me and knew what I was fully capable of.  I was no angel as a kid growing up but if you knew me, you knew I was never capable of rape.

Both sides told their story and eventually the young lady broke down and told the truth to her Father.  She admitted to lying about being raped because she did not want to get in trouble for sneaking out of the house. She admitted the sex was consensual and that I never forced her to do anything.  Her Father stood up like a man and graciously apologized to my family and I and they left.  Immediately, my house went back to normal with everyone doing what they were doing like this episode never happened.  To this day, we have never spoken about this incident.

Today, 2012:

I think about the young man, Brian Banks, who was recently exonerated for the alleged rape he was accused of committing his senior year in high school.  His accuser was caught on tape admitting she was never raped and was scared to come forward for fear of losing the $1.5 million her and her family won in a civil suit based on this lie.

Kudos to Brian Banks for not wanting to choke the life out of this woman he actually sat across from while recording her confession.  Cheers to Brian for not wanting to take any legal action against his accuser, Wanetta Gibson, or pursue any civil action against her for the pain and suffering and the loss of a football scholarship to USC.  A round of applause goes to Brian for letting go the hurt, vengeance, and the need to revenge this dreadful act.

But there are some other issues that need to be addressed and understood before this is an open and shut case.  What about the women out there who are really raped? This makes it even harder for them to come forward without the fear of being told they were lying or convinced that it was consensual.  Someone on the hill needs to pass a law that false accusations of rape should result in the conviction of the "accuser" and be punished to the full extent.

Brian Banks is still a registered sex offender.  Although he has been exonerated, "sex offender" will be attached to every job application he submits.  How does a man who did nothing wrong start over in a society that deems him a menace?  He cannot get those years back so that is a forgone conclusion.  If he is lucky, he may still get a shot at playing football at the collegiate level if a compassionate coach gives him a chance.  And how do you even begin to fix the psychological effects prison has on a young man?

Speaking of psyche, and this is what affected me the most also, how do you go forward and trust women completely?  As a man, you are taught that "No" means "No" and anything that happens after that is considered a violation.  I have even taken it a step further and made it a rule to never have sex with a woman if she is intoxicated, unless she is my girlfriend and/or wife.  How can you prevent yourself from second-guessing the motives of a woman especially if you have something to lose?

When a woman lies about being raped, the victim is not just the person being accused.  Every woman this man encounters from this point on maybe dealing with a man with trust issues.  If untreated, this man could move forward but still have unhealthy relationships with women because a woman betrayed him at a young, impressionable age.

The Barbershop: A Black Man's Country Club

Saturday Morning. Eddie Norris' phone rings. "Wassup Jay!" I give Eddie my usual, "What it do playa, are you in the shop?" Ed always says, "I got two and then you so come on thru..." and then I tell the biggest and most notorious lie every Black man has told at least once in his life, "I will be there in five minutes!"

Half hour, maybe 45 minutes later, I arrive at Changing Faces Barbershop in the Northeast section of DC right next to Catholic University.  I walk in to my version of "Cheers" and give a "What's Up" and some dap to all barbers in the shop and a pleasant hello to the stylists in the back that keep our ladies looking beautiful!

"Cliff, what's up...What's up Jay. Tommy...Jay, you know I got the Celtics in the finals!? Big Mike...What's up Jay. Rudy, how are you young man...How are you today Jay? Mark, What's up...my man Jay what's up!? Mel, you staying out of trouble?...yea Jay, this week I am! Ed, What it do baby?...my man Jay! Ladies in the back, Good Morning! Hey Vash, Hey Shawn...Good Morning Jay!!!!"  I then take a seat in an open chair like I am at home, which I am, and proceed to engage all in any topic worthy of "arguing" over from the last week.

This happens every Saturday morning and it has been a ritual in my life as long as I have been alive.  Like most men, I have only had a handful of barbers in my lifetime and can name them all.  And they all know me, no I am sorry, they all KNOW ME!  It is actually conceivable for a man to have the same barber all of his life if he does not move and this is normal.  The Barber is the most personal person to a man outside of his immediate family.  The Barber is not just a barber; he is a friend, confidant, psychologist, oracle, mind-reader, and anything else you need him or her to be that day.  The Barber is the creator of "the look" a man presents to the world.  Any special event, preparation starts with a haircut.  A haircut can literally change how a man feels and can do wonders to his confidence.

The Barbershop is a microcosm of the Black community and it is a place where you can be yourself and truth is always expected.  I always tell women, you want to understand the psyche of a man, go to the Barbershop and just listen.  If you become brave, ask a question, you will get an answer!

The Barbershop is everything to everyone; you never know who you are going to meet, you never know what will be discussed, and if you ever need something, somebody in the Barbershop is going to be able to help you or know someone that can.  If you need a TV, a mechanic, a doctor, lawyer, you want to buy a house, rent your condo, dance lessons, tutoring, sell products, buy products, you can do it all in the Barbershop.  The Barbershop is Craig's List, Ebay, USA Today, ESPN, BET and the Yellowpages all in one.

I can remember one Saturday morning recently where one of the stylist was very passionate about the Trayvon Martin case and of course a discussion surrounding the events of that tragic case ensued.  It just so happened that a Metropolitan Cop, a lawyer (graduate of Howard Law School), and some others in law enforcement were in the shop and they were able to educate all of us on the nuances of the law, in particular Florida law, gun laws, and the politics of the entire situation.  I learned more that morning about the law and the Martin case than all of the internet sites, TV clips, and newspaper articles combined.

It hit me while driving home from the Barbershop that this is the only Black-owned establishment where I spend money.  When I look at my monthly spend and where I spend, the Barbershop is the only place Black-owned where I contribute to the circulation of money in the Black community.  I will put this in perspective; studies have shown that the dollar circulates in the Asian community for 28 days before it is spent with outsiders.  The Jewish community has a circulation of 19 days, the White community, 17 days, and in the Black community, six (6) hours.  Yes, not sixteen days, not six days, but SIX HOURS!!!

What does this mean? It means that the $20 I give to my barber will eventually be spent to buy him lunch next door at the soul food spot owned by Asians.  The irony in that, soul food being prepared and sold by Asians but I digress.  It means that the owner, Mark, has to pay his leasing agreement to someone who is not Black.  This means that we have a lot of work to do!

I work downtown and my building has a Grooming Lounge on the first floor.  If you have never heard of Grooming Lounge, it is a spa of sorts just for men.  You can go there and get a haircut, shoe shine, massage, etc all in one visit.  They have packages for all their services or you can buy them a la carte.  A haircut is $50 but it includes a foot massage.  The general manager knows me because I go in there once a week to get my shoes shined.  And almost every time I go in there, she always tries to sell me on buying more of their services, especially a haircut.

I considered going to the Grooming Lounge.  I have even asked myself why do I spend $20 a week for a haircut I can easily do myself?  The answers came easily; the Barbershop is an institution in my life that cannot be replaced nor can I ever go without.  I need the Barbershop for all that it offers and all that it has given me in my lifetime.  The Barbershop needs me not just for my money but the "community" I bring every week that makes it the special place that it is.

The Barbershop is my country club...

Humble, Yes A Bad Word

Humble is a versatile word that takes on somewhat different meanings depending on how it is being used.  For example, if I say "In my humble opinion" or "IMHO", for all of those who do not like to write actual phrases anymore, the word humble here means "courteously respectful." So instead of calling the person a freaking idiot and telling them they are outright wrong, you extend some courtesy and respect and let them know in a nice manner that you think their opinion is not correct.

Then there is the other way it is often used; we tend to say things like:

"In the presence of greatness, I felt very humble"

"I come from humble beginnings..."

or my least favorite

"You need to humble yourself!"

In the first example, humble means "having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience." Really, inferior? The next example means "low in rank, importance, status, quality." Wow, my beginnings are of low quality and rank????  The last example means "to lower in condition, importance, dignity; to destroy the independence, power, or will of; to make meek."  I have to lower and/or destroy myself, yes, that's what that statement means!

Thank goodness for mentors because I have been using this word for so long and now I know that it is a bad word.  You know they say the "Pledge Process" is supposed to be a humbling experience? Yea, you know the pledge process for Black Greek Lettered Organizations that are meant to "breakdown" then "build back up" our young people and "humble" them.  This is the same process that currently places potential members into hospitals with permanent physical and emotional injuries and scars and sometimes has lead to death.  Yea, so much for a good example of a "humbling" experience!

You really have to think about what it means when a person says that you need to "humble" yourself.  What are they really saying? Are they saying I need to not be so proud of who I am or my accomplishments? Are they saying I need to feel inferior or less important? Do they want me to be powerless and less independent in my thoughts and actions?

I hope not because what this word (when used like the examples above) tells me is that the person telling me to "humble" myself is afraid of me; they are afraid to be happy for me and who I am and what I have accomplished.  They want me to join them in their misery and/or failures.  Or maybe they are just jealous and are too proud to say, hey, "I am proud of you!"

Maybe I am wrong and over-exaggerating but I will tell you this much, it is not a good idea to ever say that word to me again!  I will not get angry if it is said to me but I will definitely explore the feelings of the person thinking I should lower myself and not be proud of who I am.