I "preach" about being a better man day-to-day. It is a process that will probably take a lifetime but I cannot lie, I am enjoying the ride. As I grow and get better, certain ideals, theories, or just plain facts are accepted into my consciousness which in turn help me to grow and move further along in my development process. One of the "just plain facts" I have come to accept is that EVERYTHING needs a woman's touch. Wait for it, let it sink in, okay, I will repeat, everything needs a woman's touch.
Ever see a bachelor pad pre-marriage and then go to that same living quarter once the wife has moved in? He mine as well have moved into another space; once a woman moves in, anything "bachelor-like" is tossed and she gives it her personal, woman-esque touch. (Typical stuff like drapes, matching towels, candles, plants, etc) But now that living space is livable and for all intensive purposes, a better place.
Sometimes a presentation needs a woman's touch, a man's ensemble may need a lady's attention or even his career could use a female perspective. Regardless of the case, as men, we have to realize the value in our counterpart's perspective and listen, absorb, understand, then implement it.
I recently sat down with a woman I have a lot of respect for and she really put my life and who I am in perspective. She was able to safely communicate my flaws but also highlighted the great characteristics I do possess which gave herself and our conversation a lot of validity and credibility. I felt like she got me, she understood me.
She encouraged me to always be me but gave me some solutions on how to fix the not-so-great-parts. She was very trasparent and genuine and that made me feel good but better, I felt empowered! I walked away with a plan and a new outlook but I was very thankful and gracious to this young lady for even taking the time to give my life her personal touch. She left her fingerprints on my window pane; she authored a small chapter in my book of life and for that I will always be in debt to her.
As a man though, I had to be open to not only being told about how great I am, I had to be open to some of the things I am not so great at and accept it. Once I accepted my "flaws", it was up to me to want to fix those things and become a better man. And all it took was a WOman to help me do it.
Fellas, do you have a female or females in your life that play this role? A lady that can talk to you and reach you in places that we often shut off or shutdown. If not, can you identify someone you respect enough to tell you about yourself, enough to inspire change?
Ladies, is there a man you know that would benefit from your personal touch? Have you reached out to him?
In the mortal words of Rob Base, IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A THING GO RIGHT!!!!
I am because we are and we are because I am.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Texting Versus Calling
Remember those days (and I think I am referring to those 30 and up) when you would fall asleep talking to your "girlfriend/boyfriend" on the home phone. You would wake up to that beep beep noise b/c the other person hung up on your snoring!! What about when you called someone at home and if they were not home you had to leave a message and pretty much wait until they got back to you and that could have been hours later.
Then technology stepped in!
The arrival of beepers, the first low level, human low jack, made it "easier" to stay in touch but now you had to have a pocket full of change for the payphones in your neighborhood. And Heaven forbid if it was an emergency, the notorious "911" that came in at the end of a number to call. Unless you were a street pharmacist, what really was the emergency? Would it have been an emergency if you knew you could not have gotten hold of me???
Welcome cell phones. The first cell phone looked like a handheld brick attached to a suitcase that doubled as the battery pack. Now it was dayum near impossible to ever be unavailable. As the cellphone evolved to what we have now as the handheld PC, texting has exploded and it is wreaking havoc on the chivalry between man and woman. Add facebook, twitter, 4score or whatever and now no one really talks to each other, we TYPE each other.
Now I will be first to say that I hate the phone, I love talking face to face, FACETIME! If I had to choose between texting and talking on the phone, I would choose texting because it allows me to multitask (or pay attention when I feel like it) and it gives me time to think of a response when I want to respond.
Talking on the phone is probably the next best thing to facetime; it allows you to at least hear the person's voice which can indicate different emotions (texting is emotionless unless you type in CAPS) and communication is clearer.
It used to be when you asked for a lady's phone number, the man would call her. Nowadays, men get the number and they text the lady. I think this new phenomenon is driving women nuts!!!! I think it has gotten to the point where dates are setup and a phone call has not even occurred. I think we are now delivering sex over text messaging; what is it called, Sexting? That is a whole other topic because for the life of me I do not understand why anybody would want their goodies floating on the internet!
As men, we need to get back to the basics of chivalry and stop being lazy. Would it really kill us to pick up the phone, at least initially and then the rules of engagement can be established? Ladies, would it be that hard to communicate your expectations as far as how you want to be engaged?
I never knew it would get to the point where we have to establish rules on something as basic as the telephone but this is where we are. Technology, I dont know, it maybe doing more harm than good when it comes to the relationships between the sexes.
What do you think? SPEAK OUT!
Then technology stepped in!
The arrival of beepers, the first low level, human low jack, made it "easier" to stay in touch but now you had to have a pocket full of change for the payphones in your neighborhood. And Heaven forbid if it was an emergency, the notorious "911" that came in at the end of a number to call. Unless you were a street pharmacist, what really was the emergency? Would it have been an emergency if you knew you could not have gotten hold of me???
Welcome cell phones. The first cell phone looked like a handheld brick attached to a suitcase that doubled as the battery pack. Now it was dayum near impossible to ever be unavailable. As the cellphone evolved to what we have now as the handheld PC, texting has exploded and it is wreaking havoc on the chivalry between man and woman. Add facebook, twitter, 4score or whatever and now no one really talks to each other, we TYPE each other.
Now I will be first to say that I hate the phone, I love talking face to face, FACETIME! If I had to choose between texting and talking on the phone, I would choose texting because it allows me to multitask (or pay attention when I feel like it) and it gives me time to think of a response when I want to respond.
Talking on the phone is probably the next best thing to facetime; it allows you to at least hear the person's voice which can indicate different emotions (texting is emotionless unless you type in CAPS) and communication is clearer.
It used to be when you asked for a lady's phone number, the man would call her. Nowadays, men get the number and they text the lady. I think this new phenomenon is driving women nuts!!!! I think it has gotten to the point where dates are setup and a phone call has not even occurred. I think we are now delivering sex over text messaging; what is it called, Sexting? That is a whole other topic because for the life of me I do not understand why anybody would want their goodies floating on the internet!
As men, we need to get back to the basics of chivalry and stop being lazy. Would it really kill us to pick up the phone, at least initially and then the rules of engagement can be established? Ladies, would it be that hard to communicate your expectations as far as how you want to be engaged?
I never knew it would get to the point where we have to establish rules on something as basic as the telephone but this is where we are. Technology, I dont know, it maybe doing more harm than good when it comes to the relationships between the sexes.
What do you think? SPEAK OUT!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Independent Thinking - Independence Day Edition
When I am alone, whether thats my walk home from work or driving to a destination, my mind races with thoughts about everything from politics, love, friendships, sports, work, what have you. I am a student of every game and I never feel like I have mastered anything which makes my thirst for knowledge that much stronger.
Oftentimes I have light bulb moments when I am able to take my past experiences, other people's experiences, my own thoughts, and the behavior of the world around me to come up with a grand concept I can use to guide me through this thing called Life.
A lot of times these "epiphanies" put me in a place where I am alone. I am put in a place where I seem to be going right while everyone else is going left. As men, we are all, at some point in our lives, put in a place where we stand alone because of what we believe in. But how do you react? How do you, as a man, handle that?
I believe in becoming a better man everyday; it is a process that is constant and neverending and it involves the evolution of my understanding of the world. It is impossible to believe everything yesterday today, if you are living!!!! If you are not taking the guided tour through life, then your experiences, your thoughts, and those around you will keep you questioning what you believe, what you hold true to your heart and most importantly, what you stand for.
I am ONE in this world; my "cipher" keeps moving like a rolling stone (que Badu). This means I have a direction connection to this place called Earth just like you do which makes every man, woman, and child on this planet connected. If I do not evolve and become better, pushing the limits of thinking, creativity, critical thought processing, then how can you, connected to me, become a better you?
We have to be brave enough to have original thoughts and put those thoughts out to the world; whether or not they are accepted or rejected is irrelevant but it is the idea itself that moves us all from today to tomorrow.
Great scene in the movie "Brown Sugar" where Sanaa Lathan and Taye Diggs are sitting in the park and Diggs is questioning his presence in Hip Hop and his contributions. He is really upset about where Hip Hop is going (sounds familiar?) but he wants to do something about it. He first questions why Hip Hop can't go back to the Golden Years when emcees actually spoke about something real in their records and it just wasnt about Cars, Money, and Sex. Sanaa quickly and emotionally explained to Diggs that Hip Hop is about forward movement, it must evolve, it has to keep pushing. This line and this line alone has helped me to accept the what Hip Hop is today; I may not like it but I accept it because we cannot go back to yesterday, we have to let it evolve and push forward.
I think a lot of times the fear of being right or wrong prevents us standing alone in our thoughts and putting them out to the world. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be right and not wrong that it has almost become a sin or an act of heresy if you say something that is wrong. Step away from the right vs wrong arena and allow yourself to be okay with being both because in the end it does not matter either way.
I challenge all to stand alone and confront the world with your own thoughts so we all can benefit and grow. I am because we are and We are because I am.
Oftentimes I have light bulb moments when I am able to take my past experiences, other people's experiences, my own thoughts, and the behavior of the world around me to come up with a grand concept I can use to guide me through this thing called Life.
A lot of times these "epiphanies" put me in a place where I am alone. I am put in a place where I seem to be going right while everyone else is going left. As men, we are all, at some point in our lives, put in a place where we stand alone because of what we believe in. But how do you react? How do you, as a man, handle that?
I believe in becoming a better man everyday; it is a process that is constant and neverending and it involves the evolution of my understanding of the world. It is impossible to believe everything yesterday today, if you are living!!!! If you are not taking the guided tour through life, then your experiences, your thoughts, and those around you will keep you questioning what you believe, what you hold true to your heart and most importantly, what you stand for.
I am ONE in this world; my "cipher" keeps moving like a rolling stone (que Badu). This means I have a direction connection to this place called Earth just like you do which makes every man, woman, and child on this planet connected. If I do not evolve and become better, pushing the limits of thinking, creativity, critical thought processing, then how can you, connected to me, become a better you?
We have to be brave enough to have original thoughts and put those thoughts out to the world; whether or not they are accepted or rejected is irrelevant but it is the idea itself that moves us all from today to tomorrow.
Great scene in the movie "Brown Sugar" where Sanaa Lathan and Taye Diggs are sitting in the park and Diggs is questioning his presence in Hip Hop and his contributions. He is really upset about where Hip Hop is going (sounds familiar?) but he wants to do something about it. He first questions why Hip Hop can't go back to the Golden Years when emcees actually spoke about something real in their records and it just wasnt about Cars, Money, and Sex. Sanaa quickly and emotionally explained to Diggs that Hip Hop is about forward movement, it must evolve, it has to keep pushing. This line and this line alone has helped me to accept the what Hip Hop is today; I may not like it but I accept it because we cannot go back to yesterday, we have to let it evolve and push forward.
I think a lot of times the fear of being right or wrong prevents us standing alone in our thoughts and putting them out to the world. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be right and not wrong that it has almost become a sin or an act of heresy if you say something that is wrong. Step away from the right vs wrong arena and allow yourself to be okay with being both because in the end it does not matter either way.
I challenge all to stand alone and confront the world with your own thoughts so we all can benefit and grow. I am because we are and We are because I am.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friends Is Friends...
Good Day World...it is definitely too hot to do anything except sit around and talk about how hot it really is!!! Ladies, you are looking good but some of the fellas are starting to complain about the vegetable garden some of you are starting to grow and show. We are starting to see mushrooms (fat falling over the beltline), cottage cheese (back of the thighs), and it seems you all are also growing flour seeing how ashy the feet and legs have been. Remedies are simple. Sit-ups for the mushrooms, lunges for the cottage cheese and St. Ives for the flour!!!!
Fellas, your best friend or even a close homeboy has a wife or wifey (almost wife but no ring) that is real cool. She gets along with everyone; she also has a reputation to being somewhat flirty. Some say she is real friendly. One day you bump into her at the grocery store and the both of you speak, as usual, but this conversation takes on a little twist. You tell her about your dating issues and she proceeds to tell you "how great of a guy you are" and that a woman "would be crazy to pass up a great-looking guy like you." She then touches your arm in a flirty type of way.
Now you dont want to believe it because this is your friend's wifey but you are pretty sure she just flirted with you.
Do you tell your homeboy that his girl is flirting with you?
On the flipside, do you believe your homeboy if he tells you that your girlfriend is flirting with him?
SPEAK OUT!!!
Fellas, your best friend or even a close homeboy has a wife or wifey (almost wife but no ring) that is real cool. She gets along with everyone; she also has a reputation to being somewhat flirty. Some say she is real friendly. One day you bump into her at the grocery store and the both of you speak, as usual, but this conversation takes on a little twist. You tell her about your dating issues and she proceeds to tell you "how great of a guy you are" and that a woman "would be crazy to pass up a great-looking guy like you." She then touches your arm in a flirty type of way.
Now you dont want to believe it because this is your friend's wifey but you are pretty sure she just flirted with you.
Do you tell your homeboy that his girl is flirting with you?
On the flipside, do you believe your homeboy if he tells you that your girlfriend is flirting with him?
SPEAK OUT!!!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Father vs. Dad
Circa 1997...I came home from my freshman year of college and I was shooting the breeze with my Pops. I am thinking it was a Sunday and I just came home from some early morning bump (pickup basketball games); my Pops was probably on his third of four newspapers he reads on Sundays.
My Dad is a ferocious reader and pretty much one of the smartest men I know. He could sit and have a conversation with ANYBODY!! Doctor, lawyer, engineer, trash man, it did not matter, Pops could talk to you about anything on any level.
He put the paper down for a second and asked me how my first year of college. He asked about my coursework and of course my grades. Pops never really worried about me obtaining high marks in school, he was used to it from me so it was expected, like standard operating procedure. He then made a statement that kind of threw me off, he said "Integration was the worst thing to happen to education..."
I just sat there for a second with a puzzled face, really did not have a response but I am thinking in my head my parents went to great lengths to make sure my siblings and I had a diverse education. An education where we would interact with not just people who looked like us but people from all cultures. I was attending a majority white school in the middle of one of the most lopsided (cultural wise) cities in Virginia. Umm yea, and now you hit me with this!!!?????
He recognized the confusion on my face and further explained. He asked when was the last time you took a class about your culture? A couple of pages in your History book does not count! When have you ever taken a class just on our culture? I did not have an answer; I could not answer him because in all my years of education, up to that point, I never took a class about Black people. And at that very moment, I realized I knew very little about me, my family, my history, my CULTURE.
Pops, indirectly, pushed me to take this challenge head on and change. He made me realize that integration was an issue because it forced Black students to learn another culture, not their own. When you know about your culture, you have more pride about self; there is comfort in knowing where you came from and the realization of what you can really achieve. This is a huge part in what we call self-esteem. So that next semester in school, I made sure I enrolled myself in a Black Studies course and made it a point to explore who I was, where I came from, my family heritage and what it means to be me, to be Black.
My DAD did all of that in a 10 minute conversation. My Dad made sure, from birth, that I would become the best MAN I could be. He deplored lying, cheating and stealing and when I tried all three, he promptly beat me for it. He taught me to fight for myself when I would continuously get my a** kicked on the block. He pushed me on the basketball court and made every one of my games. He showed how to dress and conduct myself as a gentleman. Simply, he instilled in me to always try to become a better man everyday.
I cannot put a price, a theory, a statistical analysis on the importance of a Dad in a child's life, especially a young man. The effects a Dad has on a daughter is just as great if not greater.
What is the difference between a Father and a Dad? A Father donates the sperm, a Dad is all of the above and then some.
I want to personally thank all the DADS out there for being more than a Father and wish you all a Happy DADDYS Day!!!!!
Which one do you have, a Father or a Dad???
SPEAK OUT!!!
My Dad is a ferocious reader and pretty much one of the smartest men I know. He could sit and have a conversation with ANYBODY!! Doctor, lawyer, engineer, trash man, it did not matter, Pops could talk to you about anything on any level.
He put the paper down for a second and asked me how my first year of college. He asked about my coursework and of course my grades. Pops never really worried about me obtaining high marks in school, he was used to it from me so it was expected, like standard operating procedure. He then made a statement that kind of threw me off, he said "Integration was the worst thing to happen to education..."
I just sat there for a second with a puzzled face, really did not have a response but I am thinking in my head my parents went to great lengths to make sure my siblings and I had a diverse education. An education where we would interact with not just people who looked like us but people from all cultures. I was attending a majority white school in the middle of one of the most lopsided (cultural wise) cities in Virginia. Umm yea, and now you hit me with this!!!?????
He recognized the confusion on my face and further explained. He asked when was the last time you took a class about your culture? A couple of pages in your History book does not count! When have you ever taken a class just on our culture? I did not have an answer; I could not answer him because in all my years of education, up to that point, I never took a class about Black people. And at that very moment, I realized I knew very little about me, my family, my history, my CULTURE.
Pops, indirectly, pushed me to take this challenge head on and change. He made me realize that integration was an issue because it forced Black students to learn another culture, not their own. When you know about your culture, you have more pride about self; there is comfort in knowing where you came from and the realization of what you can really achieve. This is a huge part in what we call self-esteem. So that next semester in school, I made sure I enrolled myself in a Black Studies course and made it a point to explore who I was, where I came from, my family heritage and what it means to be me, to be Black.
My DAD did all of that in a 10 minute conversation. My Dad made sure, from birth, that I would become the best MAN I could be. He deplored lying, cheating and stealing and when I tried all three, he promptly beat me for it. He taught me to fight for myself when I would continuously get my a** kicked on the block. He pushed me on the basketball court and made every one of my games. He showed how to dress and conduct myself as a gentleman. Simply, he instilled in me to always try to become a better man everyday.
I cannot put a price, a theory, a statistical analysis on the importance of a Dad in a child's life, especially a young man. The effects a Dad has on a daughter is just as great if not greater.
What is the difference between a Father and a Dad? A Father donates the sperm, a Dad is all of the above and then some.
I want to personally thank all the DADS out there for being more than a Father and wish you all a Happy DADDYS Day!!!!!
Which one do you have, a Father or a Dad???
SPEAK OUT!!!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Is It Mine?
Hello Family,
Let's talk about something I have always wondered and hopefully will never get caught up in this sort of quandry. Here is the scenario:
Fred is having a baby, well not him, but his wife. Fred is ecstatic!!!! He cannot wait to be a Father and he adores his wife to death. A couple of days after the baby is born, all of Fred's friends came over to see his newborn son. They praised him and blessed their new addition. When his friends left the house, Ed came out and just said it, "that baby looks nothing like Fred!". The rest of the guys were relieved because they felt the same way.
Should his friends tell Fred to get a blood test? If so, how do you deliver this news?
SPEAK OUT!!!!
Let's talk about something I have always wondered and hopefully will never get caught up in this sort of quandry. Here is the scenario:
Fred is having a baby, well not him, but his wife. Fred is ecstatic!!!! He cannot wait to be a Father and he adores his wife to death. A couple of days after the baby is born, all of Fred's friends came over to see his newborn son. They praised him and blessed their new addition. When his friends left the house, Ed came out and just said it, "that baby looks nothing like Fred!". The rest of the guys were relieved because they felt the same way.
Should his friends tell Fred to get a blood test? If so, how do you deliver this news?
SPEAK OUT!!!!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Your Jumpoff, His Wifey
Good Morning World!!!! It is literally heating up outside and everyone is excited about the BBQs, Day Parties, Rooftop Parties, the Beach, boats, and my favorite, WOMEN!!!!!
I am going to dive into this week's topic, "Your Jumpoff, His Wifey." Here is the scenario:
Chris is in college and he is considered THE Ladies' Man on campus. It is not a secret that Chris has had many "conquests" while in school. Chris is married now and has lost touch with any woman he has ever had relations with in college.
At a BBQ, one of Chris' closest friends, Carlton, brings a date and according to Carlton, it is getting serious. Now Chris and Carlton did not go to college together. When Chris finally comes to realize that he knows Carlton's date from college and they had relations, he goes into panic mode.
What does Chris do in this situation? Does he tell Carlton, his homeboy, about the "past" or does he leave Carlton in the dark???
SPEAK OUT!!!!
I am going to dive into this week's topic, "Your Jumpoff, His Wifey." Here is the scenario:
Chris is in college and he is considered THE Ladies' Man on campus. It is not a secret that Chris has had many "conquests" while in school. Chris is married now and has lost touch with any woman he has ever had relations with in college.
At a BBQ, one of Chris' closest friends, Carlton, brings a date and according to Carlton, it is getting serious. Now Chris and Carlton did not go to college together. When Chris finally comes to realize that he knows Carlton's date from college and they had relations, he goes into panic mode.
What does Chris do in this situation? Does he tell Carlton, his homeboy, about the "past" or does he leave Carlton in the dark???
SPEAK OUT!!!!
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